Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Um, When Did Jennifer Love Hewitt Get Fat?

Jennifer Love Hewitt Got Fat

Okay, before I get all the hate mail, let me clarify that Jennifer Love Hewitt is not fat by, you know, Missouri standards (sorry Missouri readers, but prove me wrong), but she’s way fat by Hollywood standards. As a teenager I remember reading article after article in Seventeen about “Working Out with Jennifer Love Hewitt” and “How Jennifer Love Hewitt Maintains Her Body” and now I feel like I should be reading an article called “I Know What You Did with That Entire Family-Size Bag of Cheetos.” I mean, seriously, I was so jealous of her in those articles because she’d be all like, “My body is a temple and kick-boxing is the Lord’s Prayer and I love working out and I never want to eat too much fatty food because I just love feeling healthy and blah blah blah” and now what the fuck is going on? You, my darling, are the very definition of pear-shaped.

Jennifer Love Hewitt is a Little Big in the Hips Jennifer Love Hewitt is a Bit Large

We’re One Today!

A Whole Year Old at Evil Beet!

Happy birthday, Evil Beet! This site was born a year ago today. Man, anything and everything has changed since then — The Beet has been about the only constant in my life over the past year — and I can’t stress enough how grateful I am to everyone who reads and everyone who links in here. You guys make my day, every day.

And thank you to Evil T and Spiteful Lars for coming along for the ride with me — you guys are talented and amazing as both writers and friends; I love you to pieces, and I couldn’t have done it without you!! Thank you also to the top-notch team at Film.com for all your support along the way.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BEET! Looking forward to many more.

xoxo,
Beet

Jesus Christ, David Beckham is Hot

David Beckham Joins LA Galaxy Press Conference, Pictures and Photos

The LA Galaxy held a press conference today at the Home Depot Center to welcome David Beckham to the team, and the photos of him from the event look like the keepers from a Ralph Lauren campaign photo shoot. Seriously, this guy is so effortlessly gorgeous it’s ridiculous.

Victoria’s look, on the other hand, remains anything but effortless, and she still refuses to smile. I know she’s embarrassed about her British teeth, but you can smile without opening your mouth, Victoria. Just give it a shot.

David Beckham Joins LA Galaxy Press Conference, Pictures and Photos David Beckham Joins LA Galaxy Press Conference, Pictures and Photos from the Home Depot Center Posh and Becks, David Beckham Joins LA Galaxy Press Conference, Pictures and Photos Victoria, David Beckham Joins LA Galaxy Press Conference, Pictures and Photos Victoria, Posh Spice, David Beckham Joins LA Galaxy Press Conference, Pictures and Photos

Kim Porter Says She Dumped Diddy

Kim Porter Says She Broke Up with Diddy

“After 10 years, I have decided to end my on-again/off-again relationship with Sean `Diddy’ Combs,” reads a statement released by Diddy’s baby mama. “In ending this relationship, I made a decision that was in the best interest of myself, Sean and our family. I look forward to moving on with my life and my career, and wish him prosperity, health and happiness in life and in love. We will remain friends and committed parents to our children.”

I find the first part of this statement so, so funny. Who refers to her ex-boyfriend and the father of her children as “Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs”? What she means is: “After 10 years, I have decided to end my tumultuous, dramalicious relationship with Sean ‘Fucks Anything that Walks’ Combs.”

I think we should all have to make formal statements like this to the press whenever we end any sort of a romantic relationship. Like, “After three weeks, I have decided to end my purely physical relationship with John ‘Allergic to Condoms’ Doe. In ending this relationship, I made a decision that was in the best interest of my ten-year goal of not getting herpes.” Or “After two years, I have decided to end my financially motivated relationship with Bob ‘Satan Drives a Beemer’ Jones, and I wish him the best of luck with the impending IRS audit.” Wouldn’t that be fun?