Today's Evil Beet Gossip

I Don’t Have a Boyfriend (aka Liveblogging the Paris Hilton Jail Release)

Paris Hilton Walks Out of Jail, Leaves Lynwood Jail Wednesday Night

To their credit, most of the traditional news stations don’t appear to be covering this event, at least not yet. CNN and MSNBC came up empty. But, never fear, Fox News is on the case. It’s all Lynwood, all the time over there.

Of course, the paparazzi are camped out. They’ve been there since last night, lest Paris be released early.

The Hilton family arrived around midnight PST. Word is Paris will be walking out alone. We’re just waiting now…

And here she comes. It’s an interesting scene; she’s flanked by guards and policeman, but they stay ten feet behind her or so. Out in front, it’s just Paris, her hands folded in front of her body, walking the Lynwood runway.

She’s gained weight. Ten, maybe even fifteen pounds. So much for all that stuff about how she couldn’t eat.

She looks happy. Like, genuinely happy. She looks healthy. Her hair’s braided and falling over her shoulder. She smiles and waves to the cameras. She’s not talking to anyone. She spots her mom in the black Escalade and starts running. She hugs her mom through the window. Cameras descend on the car, but Paris manages to climb in. I have no idea how this car is going to move. Guards are basically walking the SUV down the road. Paris is hugging her mom in the backseat.

Ha! Paris is now on probation until March 2009. So if she so much as jaywalks, she’s going back to jail.

No one’s sure where the SUV’s headed, but I suppose we’ll find out soon enough, as there are quite a few news copters to follow it.

Update (12:34 am): Breaking! Paris’ SUV just got off the 110 North and onto the 10 West. This is very exciting. So she could really be headed anywhere west of the 110. Really. To any of her family’s eight homes west of the 110. This would have been way more interesting as if she were headed somewhere east of the 110.

Update (12:42 am): The news stations are reporting she actually lost weight in prison. It really looked to me like she gained weight. The video’s available now. Decide for yourself.

Update (12:45 am): They’re getting off the 10 at what the news stations are calling PCH. I don’t think this is PCH. I don’t think she drove west of the 405. But who knows. Mr. Hilton did a kick-ass little maneuver where he moved toward the exit at the very last second, evading most of the paparazzi SUVs tailing him and nearly causing a wreck at the off-ramp. They’re stopped at a light, so everyone’s getting out of their cars to get shots.

Update (12:55 am): Yeah, she didn’t get off on PCH. She’s definitely east of the 405. It looks like they’re headed toward the Hilton grandparent’s home in Beverly Hills. Oh, shit, they’re going to the Beverly Hilton. Ha! Now they’re driving out of the Beverly Hilton. This is too funny. They’re just fucking with the paparazzi now. And advertising Hilton hotels.

Update (1 am): It seems like the final destination is the grandparents’ home. It’s much more private than Paris’ Hollywood Hills home. The SUV pulls up to the compound in Benedict Canyon and through the gates.

I think I’ll go to bed now.

Links Links Links

Okay, so I have this obsession with the Avril Lavigne song “Girlfriend” that I’m often loathe to discuss. But, you know what? That song pretty much rocks. And what rocks even harder is this remix of it, featuring Lil’ Mama. [popbytes]

Jack Black’s son has the hugest head ever. [Socialite's Life]

Sigh. Britney Spears filed a restraining order against her mother. I’d care, but Paris Hilton gets out of jail in like an hour. [Derek Hail]

Justin Timberlake Being an Asshole: Part 174. [Girls Talkin' Smack]

I love that Agent Bedhead just admitted on the Internet that she had a sex dream about Eli Roth. It makes me feel a lot better about that dream I had the other night that I went to jail and Paris Hilton was my cellmate and we were staring at each other naked and comparing our bodies. Anyway. [Agent Bedhead]

Historically, I’ve tended to fiercely disagree with Germany’s decisions about what type of people can and can not live there in peace. However, I fully support the recent decision to ban Tom Cruise. [Celebslam]

Eva Longoria wedding pictures … people still care … not sure why … wasn’t she on a TV show once? [Cele|bitchy]

WWE Wrestler and Family Found Dead

Chris Benoit WWE Wrestler and Family Found Dead in Atlanta Home

This is really, really weird (and sad).

WWE wrestler Chris Benoit, his wife Nancy and their son Daniel were all found dead in their Atlanta home today. Details are sketchy, but apparently Benoit had been scheduled to appear on a WWE show on Saturday. He called to first say he would be taking a later flight, and then to say he would not be attending the show at all, due to a family illness. According to one source, Benoit said both his wife and son were throwing up blood and he needed to stay to take care of them.

The WWE recently faked the death of Vince McMahon, but all details about that storyline have been pulled from their website. It seems this most recent death is no joke.

Authorities in Atlanta are currently investigating, and we’ll keep you posted.

Update: It looks like this is a double-homicide and suicide. Police are not searching for any suspects outside of the house. Very, very sad.

Paris Gets Out of Jail Tomorrow

Paris Hilton Out of Jail on Tuesday Will Do Interview with Larry King on CNN

The countdown’s on! While I was certainly among the ranks of those folks rooting for Paris to do some hard time, I have to admit that it’s been boring as hell in the gossip world since she’s been locked up. I mean, it hasn’t helped that Lindsay’s been in rehab at the same time, but, still, I’m kind of looking forward to a free Paris. Miss Hilton is scheduled to rejoin society sometime after midnight tonight, and she claims she’s a changed woman.

In a recent telephone interview with Ryan Seacrest, Paris announced that she plans to build a “transitional home” for women who don’t have a four-bedroom Hollywood Hills pad to return to after their jail stay. “These women just keep coming back because they have no place to go,” she said. Paris hopes the home will be “a place to get food and clothes on their backs,” and notes that this is “a really bad cycle and if we stop it now, we can make our community a better place.”

Paris continues to say that her “gratitude has gone up so much and I just realize that the media used me to make fun of and be mean about it.” Really, Paris? It took a jail stay for you to put that jigsaw together? Because there were a couple of clues before all this. I mean, we weren’t running photos of your vagina because we felt you were a likely Presidential candidate.

Paris’s first post-jail interview will be with Larry King on CNN (and the actual interview will be unpaid, although it’s likely CNN will pay licensing fees for the use of Hilton’s private photos and videos), after it seems ABC, NBC and CBS got frustrated when the behind-the-scenes negotiations were made public. For her part, Barbara Walters at ABC said she chose not to do the interview because she felt it was “tawdry. The whole thing somehow was beneath me. Besides, it was a no-win. If I did a tough piece and her tears started to flow, it would be, ‘Oh, there’s Barbara Walters making people cry again.’ Too soft, and I’d be criticized.”

Either way, folks, life gets interesting again tomorrow.