1Late-Night Links

In the oh-so-capable hands of Sarah Silverman, even beastiality is funny. [popbytes]

Celeb bikini watch brings us Vanessa Anne Hudgens today. We’ve got a whole summer of this ahead of us, kids! [Grumpiest]

And hooray for a Sienna Miller nip slip! [Drunken Stepfather]

See, it occurs to Britney Spears to cover her nipples with flowers, but cover her vagina with underwear? Why would she do that? [The Bosh]

Reese and Jake are still going strong. [Cele|bitchy]

Carmen Electra and what must have been a goddamn stable of airbrushers team up for her pictorial in FHM Russia. Honestly, this isn’t even a pictorial. Somebody painted this. The original, oil on canvas, is hanging in a museum in St. Petersberg. Carmen Electra hasn’t looked like this in 10 years and you know it, FHM. [CityRag]

BREAKING: Paris Hilton spends a truly unreasonable amount of time looking at herself in the mirror. [Gossip or Truth]

More pics of Britney’s San Diego HoB show. [Allie is Wired]

Hayden Panettiere’s 10-year-old brother is about two years away from the disturbing realization that he totally wants to bang his sister. [Ninja Dude]

Rosie won’t be fighting with Elizabeth Hasselbeck anymore, lest such blatant liberalism somehow interfere with her co-host’s pregnancy. I don’t know. Whatever. [ASL]

You know, guys, it’s really hard for Keira Knightley to eat when you keep calling her anorexic. All the stress just takes her appetite right away. But not, like, in an anorexic way. It’s just that refusing to eat is her response to high-stress situations. Sheesh. [MollyGood]

May 2, 2007 at 6:23 pm by Evil Beet

25HELP!

Frodo just peered into my soul… AHHHHH… the EYES… I can’t take it… help me escape… can’t breathe!!!! Make him look away, for the love of God!

May 2, 2007 at 2:02 pm by Spiteful Lars

2This is Fashion

These are all from Australian Fashion Week, and they are all very good advice for y’all wanting to look good.

If you show up looking like this dates will want to bang. In a big way. Take note.

This first look says “I’ve put on the lotion AND I’ve gotten the hose.”

Next up is “Beautiful is for all the other models!”

“You ordered the village idiot? I’m here!”

“One day my forehead will conquer nations.”

You get the idea. Oh, you crazy Aussies!

May 2, 2007 at 1:57 pm by Spiteful Lars

2Jesus Christ, Spiderman 3 Is Going to Make a Lot of Money

If you’re like me (and I hope, for your sake, you’re not), and your life is basically a whole lot of nothingness puntuated by the regular perusal of what’s new on WireImage, you would be aware that Kirsten Dunst has been a regular Magellan this week, traversing the globe in search of shinier dresses and stronger cocaine, as Spiderman 3 premiered everywhere they can subtitle it. It opened across Asia, Europe and Australia yesterday and today, and preliminary box office reports are staggering. The film broke records in Hong Kong, Thailand, Malaysia, Singapore, the Philippines and Taiwan, and beat out the Spidey 2 openings in Korea and Japan.

Look for it to kick some Aquaman ass here in the U.S. On Friday, it will open domestically in 4,163 theaters, the largest opening in the history of the world, and that’s including Paris Hilton’s vagina.

Get ready for the summer movie season, kids. Disturbia what?

May 2, 2007 at 1:41 pm by Evil Beet

1Jessica Alba is Both Confused and Concerned

At an Australian press event for this summer’s Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer.

May 2, 2007 at 11:49 am by Evil Beet

2Neve Campbell to Wed This Weekend

Neve Campbell, who you’ll remember from when she used to be famous, is reportedly planning marry British actor John Light at a secret Malibu location this weekend. Neve moved to London two years ago, primarily to live with Light, but also because it’s as good a place as any to make your eyes real narrow and furrow your eyebrows and let the slightest trace of a tear build up while your lips part just the tiniest bit and turn down a little around the edges, make small, sad choking noises and hope someone wants to film it.

May 2, 2007 at 11:13 am by Evil Beet