Today's Evil Beet Gossip

This Week’s Project: Learn to Speak As Good As Kristen Stewart!

Ok, I’m not going to pretend like I’m not absolutely devastated over Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. I’ve been a little like a zombie all weekend, wandering around aimlessly, trying to find the will to live again. I thought I’d finally grasped onto happiness again a few times, like when my boyfriend gave me a bunch of sweet Disney records or when my BFF and I made cupcakes with Rolos baked into them, but no, I was just fooling myself.

In lieu of me being my usual charmingly exuberant self, I’m going to kick off my shift over here with a giggle and a challenge: we’re going to learn to speak with all the eloquence and grace of our dear Kristen Stewart. You can use this extremely helpful video above, you can rewatch the Twilight movies, or you can go more method and do whatever it takes to make yourself as dead inside as Kristen Stewart. I think it’ll be fun for everyone, don’t you?!

Afternoon Delight

photo of jenni j woww farley pictures

The best celebrity Las Vegas weddings of all time! [Celebuzz]

What the hell is going on with Katie Holmes’ stomach? [The Superficial]

San Francisco cops kill nineteen-year-old black man for not paying bus fare? Hardly. [Bossip]

I cannot believe they’re remaking Evil Dead. [Starpulse]

Did Kim Kardashian get more face surgery? [Celebuzz]

Photos: J Woww gets it on with a chick. [Socialite Life]
Weston Cage
wants to cage fight now. [TMZ]

What’s your sex horoscope today? [The Frisky]

Emily Deschanel is sticking with veganism during her pregnancy. I say give it three weeks and she might be singing a different tune. [Cele|bitchy]

Angelina Jolie’s outing with her adorable daughters. [Socialite Life]

Is Ryan Phillippe secretly dating Demi Lovato? [I'm Not Obsessed]

Charlie Sheen‘s new sitcom. [Bitten and Bound]

What “fairy tale” did Emma Watson land? [Huff Po]

Madonna expands her Material Girl collection. [theBerry]

Khloe Kardashian‘s car accident. [Rumor Fix]

Beyonce flash mob at Target. [OMGBlog]

Bette Middler thinks Lady Gaga’s an a-hole. [Popbytes]

On Nicki Minaj’s Reluctance to Embrace Her “Real Age”

Nicki Minaj with Lil' Wayne in concert, Oakland, April 24, 2011

A week ago, Nicki Minaj was involved in an altercation in a Dallas hotel. According to an incident report, the argument escalated in Minaj’s hotel room; when her companion tried to leave, he pushed Minaj away by, um, physically shoving his suitcase into her face. (She suffered a fat lip, CNN said.)

Granted, the Dallas police made a few errors in their report—they got the name of Minaj’s assailant wrong, for one, and they can’t even spell “Los Angeles”—but one deet is a bit more anomalous than all the rest. Ready for it? Nicki Minaj was born in 1982.

That lends credence to the old rumor that Nicki Minaj has been lying about her age: a lot of skeptics, including Lil’ Kim, have long doubted Minaj’s claim that she was born in 1984. (The police report carries so much credibility, somebody has already updated the Wikipedia page to reflect that Minaj is not 26, but 28.)

Yep. Nicki Minaj has finally been outed as an old woman.

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