Today's Evil Beet Gossip

So Some Weird Shit Might Happen Around Here Tomorrow

Around 3 pm PST tomorrow, we are switching servers yet again. This really should be the last time, but what do I know? I’m the same person who used to watch TiVo commercials and think these machines could tell the future. I feel a little like Lindsay Lohan, always promising you guys that this time I’m fixed for good, and then I relapse.

Anyway, I do not think we should experience down time during this switch, but don’t freak out if that happens — I promise I’m working on it, or at least I’m making phone calls every five minutes to the people who are getting paid to work on it, which I sometimes think is more work than just, you know, getting a computer science degree and fixing the damn thing myself. But really who wants to do that?

What I do think might happen is that posts from the last five days or so will magically disappear. This will suck and I will then work to get them back. But don’t be surprised if all of a sudden a week of posts are missing. Technology kind of blows sometimes.

Also: thank you all for your support and kind words. It really means a lot. And an extra special thanks to Kevin, Becca and Saranden, my long-lost Phoenix pals, who have kept me laughing and worked wonders toward raising my spirits these past couple of days.

BRITNEY LOSES CUSTODY OF HER KIDS!!!

Britney Spears Loses Custody of Her Kids

Ohhhhhhhhhhh shit.

I suppose it was only a matter of time. Britney Spears has been ordered by a judge to surrender physical custody of her two sons to her ex-husband, Kevin Federline.

The straw that broke the camel’s back? It wasn’t the drug use, or the binge drinking, or the psychotic outbursts or the inability to hold down a career. No, it was her drivers license. Kevin Federline approached a judge with the new information that Britney Spears doesn’t have a valid California drivers license (she has one in Louisiana, her home state, which doesn’t matter since she lives in CA).

It appears Britney handed the kids over to K-Fed’s bodyguard a little after noon today, although she wasn’t required by the court to do so until Wednesday.

Without those kids, there will be NOTHING keeping B-Spears grounded. I hope someone’s keeping an eye on her, so we don’t have another Anna Nicole on our hands.

Links Links Links

Jen Garner is so boring. I wish she drank more. [popbytes]

Kim Stewart’s breasts are unstoppable. [Agent Bedhead]

“I’ve taken shits hotter than Tori Spelling.” [Drunken Stepfather]

Mel B may be more into her super hot DWTS partner than her creepy new husband. [Celebslam]

Shakira does nice stuff for other people. [Cele|bitchy]

Yeeeah! wins the award for best headline re: Rumer Willis’ hair. [Yeeeah!]

The world needed some Kristen Bell bikini pics. [Jordan]

Alicia Keys rocks the cover of Complex. [Bossip]

By now, you’ve all seen the photos of Natalie Portman’s bare ass. But have you seen the video? [Ninja Dude]

A really, really, really cute, tiny kitten, because it’s Monday and you deserve this. [College Humor]

Joel Madden may be getting married, but Hilary Duff’s got some gigantic knockers. [The Blemish]

Jaslene, Baby! You’re Back!

Jaslene Gonzales Hosts at Aura at Atlantis

Maybe Jaslene Gonzalez isn’t anorexic anymore

After a brief absence from the spotlight, the lesbian love of my life is back in photographs!!!

Jaslene Gonzalez hosted at Aura Nightclub at Atlantis over the weekend.

She’s still skinny as hell, but it looks like she’s put on some weight since June, when these pictures had me really worried.

She looks hot as hell!!!

I love you, Jaslene!!!