Today's Evil Beet Gossip

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Are Oprah and Stedman over? [popbytes]

Jessica Alba rocks the THO. [Jordan Is Your Homeboy]

Oh, the irony! Some guy who guest starred a couple times on Law & Order: SVU was arrested for having child pornography on his computer. [Cele|bitchy]

Hooray for Anna Faris in her underwear. [Drunken Stepfather]

This is not Mandy Moore’s best look. [The Blemish]

The Price is Right has raised its turntabled fist to fight back against new host Drew Carey. [Celebslam]

I ::heart:: Selma Blair. [Daily Stab]

LINDSAY!!!!! WE MISSED YOU!!!!!!

Lindsay Lohan at Tanning Salon outside Cirque Lodge Rehab in Utah

Oh, Lindsay! Lindsay Lindsay Lindsay!!! Thank GOD you’re back!!! OMG, Lindsay, I am soooo sorry if I’ve taken you for granted in the past. I can’t imagine how underappreciated you must have felt, but OMG, Lindsay, life in the gossip world sucks without you. I know I’ve given you shit in the past for leaving assorted rehabs to go on little errands to the gym or to Robertson or to lunch with friends, I know I acted like those were things you shouldn’t have been doing, but, oh, Lindsay, I was so wrong! Lindsay! We cannot survive without you. Please forgive my past indiscretions. Please, baby, don’t leave us like this again. I can’t take it, baby. Welcome back. I love you.

I feel a palpable sense of relief as the first pictures of Lindsay Lohan at the Cirque Lodge rehab in Utah have surfaced. Everything has been so goddamn boring since she left.

Lindsay left the rehab center for a little while yesterday, to take a walk around town and hit up a tanning salon. Lindsay bought a $20 spray-on tan, in addition to several more $16 tans. And normally I’d be, like, “What the fuck do you need a tan for in rehab? Focus on getting better, dumbass,” but I’ve changed, Lindsay baby. I’m not going to be like that anymore. I’m so, so glad you’re out in front of the cameras. I support you in any rehab-leaving you want to do in the future. I need you, Lindsay. I need you like you need me, and let’s not play this hiding-in-rehab game anymore, my love. It’s childish and it’s hurtful and no one wins. You’re always safe in the arms of the cameras and the gossip columnists. It’s where you belong, Lindsay. It’s where you need to be. We all know it. Welcome back, my love. Let’s never be apart again.

Is Katharine McPhee Pregnant?

Katharine McPhee Pregnant

Nope, it’s just a prosthetic she’s wearing for the character she plays in her new film, House Bunny, which is currently filming in LA. Since when is Kat McPhee an actress?

Also, I need to find out where I can get one of these things. I totally want it for the next time I go home to visit my parents.

Photo credit: Buzz Foto

Britney Spears is Bad, Part 348

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Kevin Federline is on the warpath, trying to get custody of the ex-couple’s two sons. After serving subpoenas to two of Britney’s former assistants and her former bodyguard, K-Fed now has another secret weapon: video footage from 15 surveillance cameras that Britney installed in their Malibu mansion, documenting Britney’s insanity.

According to the National Enquirer, in one of the tapes, Britney slaps Kevin after screaming at him about a weekend he spent in Vegas. In another, she actually goes after him with a frying pan. According to a source: “Kevin was going to use the frying pan, but Britney grabbed it and hit him with it when he turned his back. He grabbed the pan out of her hand and walked away, but she hurled an ashtray at him. He dodged it, and it hit the sliding glass door.”

Kevin also has voicemail tapes of Britney admitting she was out drinking with friends. I can’t believe he thinks he needs voicemail tapes to prove that, when TMZ has at least 40 hours of footage of it.

“Kevin believes that Britney lets the boys run around with dirty diapers because she’s too lazy to change them,” says the source. Ew.

Quotables

Kim Kardashian Says She Does Not Have a Butt Implant

“Everyone now says I have a fake butt or butt implant. I’m Armenian; you should see all the women in my family. The women have bigger breasts and bigger butts. That’s how I was born. I can’t help it. I’m not gonna fight it. I definitely need to work out more and tone up, but I’m proud of my body … [but] I’m not against [plastic surgery].”

Kim Kardashian, to King magazine

Rihanna Is a Good Big Sister

Rihanna and Her Little Brother at the People Music Lounge in NYC

Awww … these pictures are just the cutest thing. Rihanna’s little brother accompanied the singer to the People Music Lounge in NYC tonight, and she played around with him for the cameras. I know it’s something of a PR stunt. I know I’m supposed to ooh and ahh over these and we’re all supposed to forget about how she’s probably banging Jay-Z behind Beyonce’s back. And you know what? It’s totally working. And as far as PR stunts go, I’ll take this shit over a DUI, a rehab visit or a “feud” any day of the week.

I bet this kid does the cutest version of “Umbrella” ever. I bet he has a little dance that goes along with it and everything.

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