Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Britney Spears Formally Charged with Being a Trainwreck

Britney Spears Charged with Hit and Run

Okay, okay. She was formally charged with being a car-wreck, but still.

Remember back in early August, when Britney ran into a parked car in the Valley, and then walked away without leaving so much as a note? Remember how the paparazzi got it all on tape?

Well, here in America, we call that a hit and run, and it’s illegal. And apparently Britney didn’t have a valid CA license when she did it, either. So now Ms. Spears has been charged with one count of hit and run causing property damage and one count of driving without a valid California license. Both charges are misdemeanors, each carrying a maximum of 6 months in jail.

The victim filed a police report about the incident three days after it occurred — after learning about it from an Australian reporter who showed up at her door.

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Just in case there’s anyone in this country who hasn’t seen Kim Kardashian naked yet, she’s doing Playboy. [Derek Hail]

You know what? Mariah Carey looks awesome. [popbytes]

Hey, shouldn’t “butt fingering” be hyphenated here? [Bossip]

Oh. Hell. Yes. Maureen McCormick’s writing a tell-all about her years on The Brady Bunch. And it apparently involves a lesbian love affair with Eve Plumb. This was totally worth a 30-year wait. [Agent Bedhead]

Jesus Christ, I’m going to have to start watching Gossip Girl, aren’t I? [Pajiba]

Katharine McPhee just keeps scoring movie deals. [GTS]

Oh my God. Zach Morris, what the fuck happened? [Holy Candy]

Hayden Panettiere’s either filming Heroes or auditioning for The Next Next Karate Kid. [The Blemish]

Way to Go, Amy Winehouse

At the British MOBO awards.

You know what?

This makes Britney Spears’ VMA performance look really crisp and professional. I mean, you have to hand it to Britney: she may be all liquor and cocaine, but at least she’s managed not to hit the stage after snorting heroin.

Timbaland to Appear on One Life to Live

Timbaland to Appear on One Life to Live

I cannot tell you how excited I was when I first saw this headline.

Timbaland? On a soap opera?

I’m thinking evil twins. I’m thinking secret babies. I’m thinking slap fights and magic spells and ninja mafia and incest. I am so excited.

But no. He’s just performing on the show.

“This is a new experience for me, I am looking forward to having a great time and sharing my music!” he said in a statement.

Zahara and Pax Are Still Alive!

Angelina Jolie, Pax and Zahara at Borders in Manhattan, Pictures, Photos

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We’ve seen plenty of pics of Maddox lately, but Zahara, Pax and Shiloh have been staying under the radar.

We still have no Shiloh, but Angie — ever aware of her children’s education — took Pax and Zahara to an NYC Borders book store yesterday.

I love how Zahara knows to wave to the cameras. So cute. Little Pax must just think everyone in America lives surrounded by a crowd of cameras.