Today's Evil Beet Gossip

I’m Just Gonna Say It: The New Britney Album is Pretty Damn Awesome

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Fuck it.

It is.

I listened to it once, and I was like, “Dude, this doesn’t suck as much as everyone said it did.” But I figured I must just be way high, so I listened to it again. And again. And now I’ve been listening to it all damn weekend, and you know what, motherfuckers?

It rocks.

I’m hooked.

It’s a good. Fucking. Album.

Like, damn near every song is awesome. Basically every song could be a single. “Toy Soldier” is my favorite, but they’re all solid.

And I couldn’t be happier. I was really, really wanting this album to be good, and Britney (well, Britney’s producers) pulled it off.

Rock on, Britster.

Thank you.

Paris Hilton Launches New Fragrance, Can-Can

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Proceeds from the sales of another totally unnecessary celebrity perfume will go to the Los Angeles Unified School District, to be directed toward the development of free after-school tutoring programs and expanded computer labs, with the goal of increasing the dismal high-school graduation rates of these promising youngsters, who are all too often doomed to a future of illiteracy, addiction and jail recidivism.

Except that’s totally not true.

But she is definitely adding a floor to her Malibu beach pad.

I Think I Want to Have a Threesome with Blair and Serena

Blake Lively at Tiffany & Co. Hosts The Launch of The 2008 Blue Book Collection

Leighton Meester at Tiffany & Co. Hosts The Launch of The 2008 Blue Book Collection

Okay, so I know I made a big formal announcement that Blake Lively was my new lesbian girl crush, and there was a great deal of hullabaloo surrounding the event, including stern reminders from my mother that my grandfather does, at times, read this blog (Seriously, Mom? Which of us gave him the URL? Fuck that, Mom: which of us taught him how to use a computer? It wasn’t me; I knew better.*), but I think I’ve had a slight change of heart. Or an addition of heart?

I have to say, I am none too impressed with Leighton Meester on Gossip Girl, but when I saw these photos of her with Blake at the launch of Tiffany & Co’s Blue Book Collection, I took a second look at her. She’s adorable. She’s just edible. And I think more highly of her as an actress, too; she’s totally dropped the bitch act in these photos, and seems like a whole different person.

I mean, Blake is still totally my fave, but I’m starting to think that the Serena/Blair one-two punch in the lesbian bedroom of the voice I use to write this blog would be fucking killer. Orgasmic. Bring it on.

*Grandpa, if you are reading this, I just want to state publicly that you are absolutely the coolest, bestest, hippest grandpa a girl could ever ask for, and I don’t worry about writing these things that you may read, because I know you can have a sense of humor about all this, because I got mine from you. Thank you for that.