Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Dr. Drew: “Britney Is a Drug Addict”

Dr. Drew Pinsky Says Britney Spears is a Drug Addict

Remember Dr. Drew Pinsky? From Love Line? With Adam Carolla?

Ah, those were the days.

Anyway, he’s the latest to weigh in on the Britney saga, and FINALLY we’re hearing from someone who has both a medical degree and expertise in the field of addiction. Here’s what he says:

We know that she is a drug addict because she’s been admitted to a treatment center. You can’t be admitted unless you’ve met criteria for addiction … She is a drug addict. It is an indisputable point. And she has a parent with an addiction. Just by having a parent with addiction puts you at about a 50% risk for having your own addiction problem. But, just because you have a genetic heritage doesn’t mean you’re going to get an addiction. A childhood trauma, physical abuse, sexual abuse, abandonment, will also propel a person towards full-blown addiction.

Ya hear that, Brit-Brit!

YOU’RE A DRUG ADDICT!

DR. DREW SAYS SO!

Seriously, I adore Dr. Drew. If Dr. Drew issued a statement stating that I was a Navajo hermaphrodite, I’d go back and grill the doctor who delivered me. I’d be all like, “Who are my real parents? And where is my penis??!” That’s how much I trust Dr. Drew. But honestly I’d be mad because, like, I’d just want that penis back for a day. I have like three girlfriends who have promised that if I had a penis for a day they would suck it. It’s not like I want to be a guy or anything — I love being a girl — but it would just be nice to know what it felt like. So I’ve made sure to line up some willing participants in case, through some odd sequence of events, I had a penis for just 24 hours. Oddly, no guys have agreed to do it. I’m like, “Seriously? But I’m still a girl. I just have a penis. I’d reciprocate” and they’re all like, “Ew, no,” but my girlfriends said they would, so it’s all good. But anyway, I would be excited if Dr. Drew said I was a hermaphrodite and then I would demand to have my penis back for a day.

Here’s the point:

Britney Spears is a drug addict.

Deep Thoughts by Paris Hilton

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“Shanghai looks like the future!”

Paris Hilton comments on the Asian megalopolis
, which she visited to attend the MTV Style Awards.

Why is Paris always in Asia all of a sudden? Is she realizing that Americans are getting sick of her and she may have to find a new pond to pollute with her herpes?

I mean, has she done any real charity work since her jail stay? You’d think that if she has time to flit off to Shanghai for some style awards, she’d have time to open some manner of school for poor children in the outer reaches of China. Or at least cut a check to them? Seriously, Paris, you could do it on the plane. You only have to write a few words on a check, and most of them can be sounded out quite easily.

Whatever. I’m just glad she hasn’t been hanging out with Adrian Grenier lately. He’s mine, bitch.

Perez Didn’t Have a Very Happy Thanksgiving

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On Wednesday, a judge tossed out Perez Hilton’s unfair competition lawsuit against X17, ruling that Hilton has no standing to intervene on behalf of the photographers who do work for the company.

Basically, when X17 sued Perez for copyright violation, he struck back with a (retaliatory) lawsuit alleging that X17 used unfair labor and wage practices. Unfortunately, you kind of have to have been an employee to do that.

“It’s definitely clear there is no love fest between the two parties,” L.A. Superior Court Judge Teresa Sanchez-Gordon said, also denying Hilton attorney Gregory Doll’s last-minute request to amend the complaint.

The lawsuit X17 filed against Perez is still pending in federal court.

HAPPY TURKEY DAY!

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For those of you who are Americans: Happy Thanksgiving!

For those of you who are not Americans: Happy November 22, and have fun at work, suckers!

I’ll be around on and off today, but mostly I’m going to try to conserve my energy in order to endure spending time with my friends and family. :) I’ll be back on Friday.

And, to reiterate, you readers are among the things for which I am most grateful this holiday season. Thank you all for reading.

Quotables

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“Sadly, you have to mix at a certain level of people to raise the level of funds you need to bring about the greater good. Because people are very snobby. These people who have lots of money, they’re either snobby or they’re stingy. If you have lots of money, you have to be stingy — because why would you want that amount of money? … If you look at every single person in the history of the world who has tried to make a difference, you’ll find a very long section of their lives where they were treated horrifically by the government or by the media.”

Heather Mills.

Yeah, seriously, Heather, why would anyone want to have a lot of money? I mean, why would anyone do anything so stressful as a years-long divorce battle in the courts and the media just to have tons of money? That would be insane. Unimaginable.