Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Keifer Sutherland’s Being a Good Boy in Jail

Keifer Sutherland’s Mug Shot

“He’s not happy to be here,” says a spokesman for his jail in Glendale, “but you can tell from his demeanor that he’s sorry and takes responsibility for what’s he’s done.”

Either that, or he’s looking to get out early on good behavior.

Sutherland spent his first full day on Thursday folding jail laundry. He also had cornflakes for breakfast, a turkey sandwich for lunch and chicken a la king for dinner.

Hey, at least he didn’t spend his first day making up some bullshit “illness” to get out early, a la Paris Hilton.

Way to suck it up, Jack Bauer.

Tyra Banks Will Be Jumping Out of a Cake Any Minute Now

Tyra Banks in Silver/Black Dress with Bow at CNN Heroes Tribute

What?

You tell me she doesn’t look like a damn birthday present.

Nah, I kind of dig this dress, and I think she looks gorgeous in it, and I kind of hate myself for that. I want to be meaner about it, because, come on, that’s a huge fucking bow, but I have to admit that, sometimes, even my evil little heart warms a little for Tyra.

At the CNN Heroes Tribute in NYC.

Tyra Banks in Silver/Black Dress with Bow at CNN Heroes Tribute Tyra Banks in Silver/Black Dress with Bow at CNN Heroes Tribute Tyra Banks in Silver/Black Dress with Bow at CNN Heroes Tribute Tyra Banks in Silver/Black Dress with Bow at CNN Heroes Tribute

Sucks to Be You

california_usa.jpg

Um, so, today, Miss California USA Raquel Beezley got her crown and sash from the reigning title-holder.

The winner announced at the pageant was Miss Los Angeles Christina Silva, but the title was taken for her after she …

Posed naked?

Released a sex tape?

Dated Brandon Davis?

No, no.

It was an “accounting error.” The organization is claiming the votes were counted wrong. “Human error,” they say.

That suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks.

Ms. Silva is contemplating legal action.

You go get ‘em, girlfriend!

God, I Love Z-Listers

Kimberly Caldwell at 2007 Ms. Planet Beach International Pageant

Fresh from my inbox:

American Idol veteran Kimberly Caldwell belts out one of her latest songs at the 2007 Ms. Planet Beach International Pageant (the largest spokesmodel competition in America).

Singing at the Ms. Planet Beach International Pageant!!!

That’s kind of like being famous.

In fact, this one time, my friend Katie and I got really drunk and climbed up on stage with the band at Lighthouse on the Hermosa Pier on St. Patty’s Day and ended up sticking around for all three of their sets. People told us the next day that we were fabulous … ly wasted. But you don’t see us sending out press releases about it. I’m just saying.

Anyway, her PR agency had the courtesy to send me the Biggest. Photo. Ever. of her at this event, so, after the jump, Kimberly Caldwell’s tonsils!

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Yes Of Course Jessica Sierra Has a Sex Tape

Jessica Sierra Bathtub with Cigarette, Porn Sex Tape Photos

The racist little slut managed to convince someone to have sex with her fug, infested ass. On camera.

Listen up, guys. You think she’s getting wet, but she’s really just oozing puss.

Just when Jessica Sierra thought that facing eleven years in prison was the worst news of the week, the “American Idol” finalist learned that a major porn company has obtained a sex tape featuring Jess — and they’re preparing to distribute it.

This ultra-classy cigarette-in-the-bathtub shot is from the tape. If someone can track down the uncensored version, I’d love you forever.

So cute.