Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Holy Crap It’s the Mowry Sisters

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They got invited to an Emmy lounge.

What are they even doing these days? I feel like each of them should have like 4 kids by now. Have they done anything since Sister Sister? And wasn’t that like 25 years ago?

Weird.

See, this is how the Olsen twins would have turned out if they weren’t anorexic and drug-addicted: irrelevant. So the next time you try to tell Mary-Kate to eat something, you remember this. You remember what became of those healthy, well-adjusted Mowry girls.

Lindsay Lohan is Probably Not Getting Laid in Rehab

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I don’t know how I missed this, but I guess some kid who just got out of Lindsay’s rehab in Utah was supposedly banging her in there. But he denies it.

“That is against the rules,” he says. “She is my friend.”

Lindsay — whose reps say she will stay in the rehab for “the foreseeable future” — is “very focused on recovery right now,” he says.

Get healthy Lindsay!!!

Oh, Sweet Jesus, Please Let Britney Spears Do the Emmys

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There’s been some buzz today that Britney might be making an appearance on the Emmy broadcast, perhaps to perform, or apologize for the VMAs, or both.

Emmy producers have stated that “We cannot confirm nor deny this rumor.”

Personally I think this is the stupidest idea ever. What the fuck is she gonna do? Get up there and apologize for sucking? I mean, it’s not like she lynched black people on stage. Seriously, if we’re all now apologizing for bad live performances, I think we could fill up the entire Emmy telecast with sorries. And why stop at live performances? While we’re at it, whoever actually financed that show about the Geico caveman? You might want to take a few minutes at the Emmys to apologize. And the producers of On The Lot? America is owed an apology. And the final episode of Seinfeld? Someone ought to publicly take the blame for that shit. Also, that Ryder Strong kid from Boy Meets World should say he’s sorry for never even approaching his hotness potential. I still take that personally.

Britney Spears apologizing for sucking at the Emmys is the worst idea ever. Ev. Er.

Oh please, please let her do this.

A Little Bit Country, A Little Bit Total Ho

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Jessica Simpson might be returning to a market with less competition her Texas roots, according to her father. She’s apparently considering recording a country album.

“Everything in our business is about beats and I think she really wants to sing and country music still believes in that. I think country is the only pure, storytelling kind of genre left,” says Papa Joe.

He makes no mention of Ashlee Simpson embracing this pure, storytelling genre, because, you know, Ashlee don’t sing that well.

Links Links Links

I know I should be talking shit about Paris Hilton’s new haircut, but, fuck it, I’ll be honest: I think she looks really pretty. Also: there are nipples in this picture. [Ninja Dude]

Christina Aguilera sports them pregnancy titties. [Derek Hail]

Think it would be awesome to come live in LA, where they film movies all the time everywhere? Yeah, right. Popbytes weighs in on how much fun it is to have Hancock filming right outside his work. [popbytes]

Prince is — you guessed it — a crazy, pretentious motherfucker who’s now attempting to sue the majority of the Internet. [Cele|bitchy]

Um, I’m not sure how well sobriety’s been working out for Courtney Love lately. [Yeeeah!]

Nicky Hilton wears short shorts. [Drunken Stepfather]

All the tabloids want to talk about this week is Brad and Angie. That’s why you read blogs. We’re more comprehensive. [Celebrity Smack]

Shakira can get into UCLA, and she didn’t even learn how to speak English until like 5 years ago. Doesn’t that make you feel dumb? [POTP]

Someone Named Mindy McCready Is Going to Jail

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It’s a slow news day (except for the OJ story) so you guys get to read about some crazy-ass country singer. Maybe I should just run porn for the rest of the day?

Country star Mindy McCready earned herself a full year in jail for violating probation, just like Foxy Brown.

In July, McCready was arrested in Florida after police responded to a domestic dispute between the trainwreck and her mother. She’d been convicted in 2004 on a prescription drug fraud charge, and was ordered to serve three years probation. She only had a few more months left on that probation at the time of her July arrest.

If I knew or cared anything about country music, I’d make some joke here related to some sort of song she sings. But I cannot name a one. So insert your own funny McCready-related joke here.