(Pictured: the Batmobile. Unpictured: an unmarked police car. Preemptive apologies for any misunderstandings.)
Over the weekend, some kid—loitering near the Pittsburgh set of The Dark Knight Rises, incidentally—decided to try to carjack a plainclothes police detective.
And how did our young criminal intend to mastermind this heist? Why, he simply opened the door, jumped into an unoccupied seat, and ordered the undercover detective out of his vehicle.
And then, according to the Associated Press (via Buzzfeed),
The officer drew his gun and ordered the suspect, 21-year-old Micah Calamosca, out of the car. He says the suspect told him he was part of filming for The Dark Knight Rises and that taking the vehicle was in the script.
Oh, in the script, you say? Smooth save.
And now, for the DVD bonus feature: As it just so happens, the police detective was, at that moment, on the lookout for someone matching Calamosca’s exact description. How nice, then, that the criminal hopped right into the police car.
I know there’s, like, different degrees of loserness, and Sam‘s got a lot of friggery to get ahead of Lindsay in this category, but she eeks a little bit closer and closer every day!
I’m not one to celebrate another’s misfortune (not that, you know, DUIs are a mere “misfortune”; it’s not as if she woke from a sleepless dream to say “Oops! OMG! I’m drunk and I’m driving! My bad!”) but being that I like(d) Lindsay a whole lot more than I like(d) Sam during their relationship, I am positively reveling in this news. Sam, though she seemed to try to help Lindsay on the path to sobriety during points in their relationship, always appeared very judgmental and holier-than-thou. “I’m Sam Ronson – look at my heroin arms and cancer patient haircut. I am one painfully sober bitch and I’m letting you know that I just barely tolerate you.” You know?
Also, Sam didn’t just get a DUI – she got a RECKLESS DUI. The reason she was pulled over to begin with was because she was speeding. It all went down somewhere outside of Las Vegas, where she’d been playing a show the previous night. She was pulled over at 10:30 the following morning with a BAC of .08.
Way to go, Sam. Hypocriticism looks super on you, girl.
I’m sorry, Jennifer Lopez. I’m really, really sorry. I’m not sure what I did, but I swear I will never do it again. Please, please stop looking at me like that.
Wait, what? This is just a wax figure? The Real JLo isn’t angry at me? Oh, thank God.
Madame Tussauds Hollywood “relaunched” their wax figure of Jennifer Lopez yesterday; even the replica looked annoyed about attending the event (via Idolator).