Today's Evil Beet Gossip

La Lohan Starts Community Service

lindsay_cs.jpg

Lindsay Lohan started doing the community service work she has to do as part of her DUI plea deal. She’s working at the American Red Cross in the LA area, and she put in 7 hours yesterday.

The pictures from this event are boring, as is everything Lindsay does lately.

Unfortunately, I can’t publicly encourage her to drink anymore, because I promised God that if the Paris Hilton drunken elephants quote was real, I’d quit doing that. The AP picked up the story this morning, so I guess it’s real. And a deal’s a deal. So, um, good for you, Lindsay. Way to be boring and not help me make any money. Thanks hon.

Day-um

Ivana Trump at New York Flagship Chopard Boutique Opening, Pictures, Photos

Ivana Trump reminds us all why, well into her 60s, she gets to marry a 35-year-old hottie and you don’t.

This is such bullshit. Her tits are perkier than mine! But I have a bona fide 25-year-old vagina and I’m still single.

How long until Barron Trump turns 18? Or I’d even take one of those little Hilton boys. Whatever. I’m officially bitter.

Owen Wilson’s Latest Arm Candy: Le Call

Le Call Dating Owen Wilson Pictures, Photos

I have no idea who named this girl. It sounds like she’s some sort of really cheap hooker who wants to be French.

Anyway, she’s supposedly running around town with Owen Wilson. They even took a yoga class together!

Page Six ran a piece yesterday about how she stole and purposely broke an umbrella some NYC restauranteur lent her. Sounds like she’s exactly what Owen Wilson needs right now. About as much as he needs to be running around the NYC bar scene.

Not Dead Yet!

Magic Johson and Son Andre at World Premiere of “This Christmas”, Pictures, Photos

Magic Johnson and his son, Andre, walk the red carpet at the world premiere of “This Christmas” in LA.

The former pro basketball player has been battling HIV since he was diagnosed in 1991.

Use condoms, people!!

Fresh Meat!

Javier Bardem is Dating Penelope Cruz

Meet total hottie Javier Bardem, an acclaimed Spanish actor who recently made a foray into English-language films with No Country for Old Men. You’ll be seeing a lot more of him in 2008 films.

He’s also porking Penelope Cruz.

Lucky girl!

Te amo, Javier.

Britney Spears Is So Eager to Help Others That She Took the Time Out of Her Busy, Busy Day to SIGN HER FUCKING NAME ON SOMETHING OTHER THAN A CVS RECEIPT FOR 8 BOTTLES OF GREY GOOSE

Britney Spears Autographed CD on EBay

I hate this story so much.

The mainstream tabs are acting like Britney Spears is suddenly Mother Theresa because she’s auctioning off a signed copy of Blackout on eBay. Proceeds go to UNICEF.

“I think it’s important to give back and with the release of Blackout, this seemed like the perfect opportunity to give the fans a chance to bid on something to help children everywhere,” says Brit in a press release.

Seriously? Britney Spears fucking woke up early enough to clutch a pen in her shaky, hungover hands and scribble something that could be, if you squint hard enough, her fucking name, on a compact disc before wiping the semen off of her inner thighs and heading to Les Deux. WAY TO GO, BRITNEY! Consider this a virtual pat on the back from your friends at Evil Beet. You are phenomenally helpful. You are saving the world, one scribble at a time.

She’s doing this in conjunction with X17. You know, the photo agency that pays her 50% of all the “candid” pics they get of her. I’m sure this is all being done for the sake of the children, and is not in any way related to the negative press that both parties are currently dealing with.

Bidding is currently at $7200. So, about the amount Britney spends on cocaine each week.