Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Selena Gomez Eats Nachos Poolside, Examines Her Boobs as They Fall Out of Her Bikini Top

photo of selena gomez boobs nipslip nipples pictures photos pool eating nachos pics

Isn’t this what we all do at the pool, ladies? Consume *bad, bad food and check out our areolas? I know that’s what I do when I spend the day swimming. But maybe we’re wrong about the boob-checking thing – maybe she’s just looking for lost chip fragments. I know those bitches are sharp when you roll over on them, and she’s probably just saving herself the pain and embarrassment of waking up after her sun nap with crunched-up, half-eaten tortillas all over her chest.

*I don’t see the nachos either, but that’s what the news agency is saying. Maybe she’d already eaten them by this point, I just don’t know.

Love It or Leave It: Hilary Duff’s Swamp Thing Swimsuit

photo of hot fat thin hilary duff in a bathing suit swimsuit pictures photos pics

“Why would you say that, Sarah?” Isn’t that what you’re thinking? You’re thinking about Hilary Duff and her perfectly lovely figure wearing what appears to be a perfectly lovely, non-descript black swimsuit whilst lounging by the pool in the hot summer sun without any room for criticisms, aren’t you? Well, you’re half right – Hilary Duff does have a perfectly lovely figure and the suit is a perfectly lovely suit – from the FRONT. (I guess that’d make you three-quarters right, but I have always, always sucked math’s long, complicated dong.)

Anyway, when girlfriend turns around, wait for it, wait for it – BAM. Swamp Thing’s got its gnarly, slimy tentacle-like fingers all over girlfriend’s back.

photo of hilary duff bare ass pictures bikini swimming photos pics

Not only is it way scary-looking, but I have positively no doubts as to the heinous tan lines that top must leave. Like, can you even imagine?

Spencer and Heidi Have Learned from Their Mistakes, Maybe

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt at PURE on October 30, 2010

Whoooaaaaa! Did you feel that? That was the Earth settling contentedly on its axis, as all the Cosmos shrug: Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag are flat broke. Or at least, that’s what the couple reports in a piteous new interview.

But perhaps they are also a little older, a little wiser? Hmm.

Spencer illuminates how the couple blew their meager fortune:

My whole million-dollar wardrobe—I would never wear that again. They’re props. Everything we were doing, we were buying props. I bought a big blue monster truck just to drive it on The Hills for an episode. Never drove it again.

Yep. And by the way, said truck was sold last month, to the tune of… $5,500. Oh, boy. Now the couple is living rent-free in Spencer’s parents’ vacation house.

Heidi, duly wistful about her plastic surgeries:

Obviously I wish I didn’t do it. I would go back and not have any surgery. It doesn’t help. I got too caught up in Hollywood, being so into myself and my image. I don’t regret anything, but if I could go back, I wouldn’t do it.

Spencer, on the couple’s foolhardy pursuit of fame:

Everything we were doing, in retrospect, was a mistake. The second we continued on our quest for fame was a mistake. This isn’t a business. That was the big thing I didn’t get: Reality TV is not a career. Anyone who says, ‘Oh, you can have a career in reality’—that is a lie.

Ah, hubris! Thy name is Spencer:

What we learned is: You can be too famous.

NO, SPENCER, THAT IS THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF WHAT—oh, never mind. Sigh.