Today's Evil Beet Gossip

I Wrote a Song, You Guys

Britney Spears Gets a Valid California Drivers License

It’s called “Britney Got a Drivers License” and you sing it to the tune of “Jimmy Crack Corn.”

Ready?

Okay.

Ahem.

Britney got a drivers license and I don’t care!
Britney got a drivers license and I don’t care!
Britney got a drivers license and I don’t caaaaaaaaaaaaare!
I’m so fucking over this story!

Did you guys like the song?

I may do a music video. We could podcast it. That’s probably what we’re missing around here. Podcasts. Well, class, too. Class and podcasts.

My Lesbian Girlfriend Is Saving the World

Jaslene Gonzalez Launches Love is Not Abuse with Liz Claiborne

It’s true!

I have amazing taste in women. And one of these days I’ll learn to translate that good judgment to the gender to which I feel actual sexual attraction. But until then, at least I can say I always saw the good in Jaslene.

The ANTM winner has just signed on as the spokeswoman for the “Love is Not Abuse” campaign created by Liz Claiborne. The campaign focuses on raising awareness of and preventing teen dating violence.

“It’s going to save lives and help people; using my voice, hopefully they feel I can help educate people,” she said.

Hooray, Jaslene!!

Boooo, teen dating violence!!!

One nice thing about getting older is that you no longer have to worry about teen dating violence. Or teen pregnancy. I remember on my 20th birthday I was like “Yay! I can never be a pregnant teen now!” I didn’t even realize that the other bonus was that I could never be an abused teen, either! The other nice thing about getting older is that you don’t have to have sex in the backs of pick-up trucks anymore because people have their own apartments. And that’s about it. There’s nothing else nice about getting older. Oh, rental cars. You can drive rental cars. But that’s it.

Quotables

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“So there was a lot of staying home and doing what you do. Like, all the time, around the clock.”

Halle Berry, to Oprah Winfrey, regarding the process she and boyfriend Gabriel Aubry went through while trying to conceive.

The Oscar winner is currently three months pregnant, but she’s already thinking about another one. “We’re hoping, right after this one, to do it again,” she says.

Don’t Get Your Hopes Up, But There May Be a Britney Spears Sex Tape

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In Touch is reporting that a man Britney met while vacationing in Hawaii left a video camera running (without Brit’s knowledge) during their hook-up session, and he might be releasing the tape.

The only thing holding him back?

He’s embarrassed about his own performance!

“It was just normal, we didn’t do anything crazy,” he says. “It was a little disappointing. It lasted for about 25 minutes and then we passed out.”

Meanwhile, Britney’s two kids have been photographed looking happy as ever hanging out with the nanny near K-Fed’s house.

Beyonce has a sister?!?!

Solange Knowles

Maybe you already knew that, but I had no clue!  She sounds awesome though.  Seriously.  Beyonce may have multiple pop hits, a powerful boyfriend, a butt load of money, and a sweeeeeeeeet ass, but her sister has a divorce and a baby!  You say oh my, my!  Solange recently discussed her totally original and intriguing life in Essence Magazine.   All at the age of 21!  Personally, the latter sounds much more exciting.  I’m almost positive that she doesn’t have any identity/self-esteem issues, and she surely doesn’t compare herself to her sister . . .  Oh, wait.  It was recently reported that she is recording an album of her own.  Hmmm . . . .