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22Ali Lohan To Eventually Become Cocaine Addict Make Feature Film Debut

Congrats to 14-year-old Ali Lohan, who has begun filming her first movie role in Los Angeles. The film is called Mostly Ghostly, and is based on the series of R.L. Stine books of the same name.

Ali will play a popular high-school senior. Which is fine, because, these days, she looks to be about 26. Much like Lindsay, who looks to be around 48. I think the Lohans age in dog years.

How long before Ali ends up knocked up by Brody Jenner? I give it a couple of years.

April 21, 2008 at 7:57 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Uncategorized

4Our President Does Something Helpful

It’s a first! And probably a last!

Here’s President Bush, doing his very best impression of supporting the troops, on Deal or No Deal.

April 21, 2008 at 7:36 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Uncategorized

26Oh God. It’s Happening. The Scarlett Johansson Album of Tom Wait Covers is Actually Fucking Happening.

The first single off the album, called “Falling Down,” is streaming on AOL.

Listen to it here

Um, I don’t really know who Tom Waits is, but this sounds like something you’d find on the old masters of a Sarah McLachlan recording session back in 1992.

It’s not, like, super bad or anything. I mean, it’s still a hundred times better than anything Heidi Montag’s come up with. But, Jesus, it’s so, so strange.

Did I mention I can’t believe this is actually fucking happening?

So, so weird.

And, yeah, this is a photo of Scarlett from 1996. Because I accidentally had my WireImage account set up to display search results in ascending chronological order, and so when I was looking for a good photo of Scarlett to use for this post, this photo was the first to show up. And I was like, “So, Scarlett, you wanna be really fucking weird for no good reason? Well. Two can play at that game.”

April 21, 2008 at 2:49 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Scarlett Johansson

30Trying to Work Up the Nerve to Kill Yourself?

I know the feeling.

It’s like, “Damn, life isn’t worth living. Shit never gets any better. I’m tired of fighting. I’m just done.” And you try to figure out how you’re going to off yourself, but everything you come up with sounds either too painful, too scary, too disgusting, or too likely to fail. You need that final push of courage to go through with it. That final straw. That kick in the balls, that thing that cements in your mind, once and for all, that this world will never be a safe place for you.

I’ve found it.

Ladies and gentlemen, the latest YouTube episode of the Miley and Mandy Show.

April 21, 2008 at 12:49 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Uncategorized

8Oh, So NOW People Magazine Decides to Make a Big Deal Over Lindsay Lohan’s Drinking

After I made a huge fuss last night about how People magazine reported Lindsay Lohan’s wagon-tumbling adventures without even batting an eyelash, the mainstream mag decided, today, that they probably oughtta make a fuss themselves.

In an article posted early this afternoon, People writers say:

Is Lindsay Lohan back to her hard-partying ways? The actress – who completed a stint in Cirque Lodge rehab last September – is raising eyebrows again after she was spotted on Saturday drinking Grey Goose and Red Bull cocktails at a party deejayed by pal Samantha Ronson. Lohan, 21, smoked cigarettes, chatted with friends and hit the dance floor at Hawaiian Tropic Zone in New York as Ronson spun tunes until 4 a.m.

Lohan’s rep was not immediately available for comment.

So, okay, that’s something, at least.

April 21, 2008 at 12:08 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Lindsay Lohan

34Can We Please Talk About Lisa Loeb’s Glasses?


I’m really torn on this issue, and I want to hear opinions from you guys.

Lisa Loeb is wearing the same dorky glasses she wore at the beginning of her career.

At left: Lisa Loeb, on Sunday, at the NYC premiere of Turn the River.

At right: Lisa Loeb, at the 1993 Grammy awards.

On one hand, in a world where celebrities seem obsessed with constantly reinventing themselves, it’s kind of refreshing to see someone sticking to the same schtick for 15 years.

On the other hand, Jesus fucking Christ, is anyone else soooo sick of those glasses?

April 21, 2008 at 11:40 am by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Lisa Loeb