Today's Evil Beet Gossip

My Sister’s Pregnant, Ya’ll!!

britney_motherfucking_crazy.jpg

What would you do on the day you found out your little sister was pregnant? Would you:

a) Kick her ass
b) Kick the dude’s ass
c) Kick your mom’s ass
d) Grab a coat hanger
e) Make Lisa Kline open late for you to go shopping

Britney’s answer was (e).

On the day she found out — along with the rest of the world — that her sixteen-year-old sister was knocked up, Britney Spears and her ubiquitous cowboy boots did some late-night shopping at Lisa Kline on Robertson. She then checked into L’Ermitage in Beverly Hills (because the Four Seasons has — no joking — banned her temporarily).

Shopping makes everything better.

Shopping and CONDOMS!!!

CONDOMS CONDOMS CONDOMS, PEOPLE!!!

Everyone’s Pregnant: Congrats to Lily Allen!!!

Lily Allen is Pregnant

Unwed mothers are the new black.

Lily Allen and her boyfriend, Chemical Brother Ed Simons, 37, are reportedly expecting.

Can these people not afford condoms?

Forget about having rubbers in the high schools; we need to have condoms in the Nickelodeon green room and under the bleachers at TRL.

LISTEN UP, PEOPLE: When he says he’s just going to put the tip in, two things are relatively certain:

1) You risk getting pregnant
2) You’re going to end up giving him head anyway

HEED MY WORDS.

She Sings, Too!!!

Alicia Witt Singing and Playing Piano at The Bitter End in NYC

I love Alicia Witt!!!!

As I’ve said before, she is single-handedly making Law and Order: Criminal Intent watchable again. (Fuck Vincent D’Onofrio.)

Here she is singing and playing piano at The Bitter End in NYC.

Is there anything this chick can’t do?

Alicia Witt Singing and Playing Piano at The Bitter End in NYC Alicia Witt Singing and Playing Piano at The Bitter End in NYC

Yup, Jamie-Lynn’s Pregnant

Jamie Lynn Spears and Boyfriend Casey Aldridge are Pregnant, Pictures, Photos

It’s confirmed.

Jamie-Lynn Spears, 16, sister of Britney Spears, is motherfucking pregnant.

The baby daddy is her live-in boyfriend, Casey Aldridge, age 19.

This oughtta be fun.

And what does Nickelodeon think of this?

They’re shitting their damn pants.

But what they’re saying on the record?

“We respect Jamie Lynn’s decision to take responsibility in this sensitive and personal situation. We know this is a very difficult time for her and her family, and our primary concern right now is for Jamie Lynn’s well being.”

OMG OMG OMG.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, KIDS!!!

WTF? Jamie-Lynn Spears is PREGNANT?!?!

jamie_lynn1.jpg

At least, according to OK! magazine she is.

Their new cover announces that Jamie-Lynn and her mom are going on the record about the 16-year-old’s pregnancy.

OMG!

Was she tired of her sister getting all the attention for being crazy???

What is wrong with this family?

They need to start putting birth control and Lexapro in the water in their household.

This is INSANITY!

We’ll have more details as they come.