Here’s Heidi Montag backstage at her “fashion show” for her “fashion line” which will be sold through Anchor Blue.
Okay, look, I like to think that, if I had a body like that, I’d still have better sense than to dress that way. Especially at an event where I’m supposed to be the resident professional. I don’t know if that’s true, but I’ll never again have a body like that, so I’ll never have to find out. When I was 14, I used to dress like that. And I looked damn good. All the men at the bus stops thought so.
Ha ha, I remember in 8th grade, we had a class “field trip” to a homeless shelter to help serve food. It was so funny. I went to this absurdly pricey private school, and they’d always have these little events to encourage us to mix with poor people. As an adult, I understand and appreciate what they were trying to do, but, as kids, we just didn’t get it. We didn’t hate poor people, we just didn’t understand what you were supposed to do with them. Like, twice a year they’d have these “mixers” with the local school for homeless kids. It was pretty much the most awkward thing ever. I think, as uninterested as we were in talking with those kids, they were even less interested in talking with us. We’d just stare at them and be like, “Um, can we give you a makeover?” and we were genuinely trying to be helpful, but of course, in retrospect, it was very awful of us. I think the whole thing just furthered the divide. We were trying to be nice, but I’m sure we ended up confirming every single stereotype those kids ever had about rich people. They were probably anti-motivated to go to college and get good jobs after meeting us, like, “I don’t want to do anything that might make me remotely like that.”
But anyway. The whole reason I’m telling this story is that, like, they took us all to the homeless shelter, and we were all dressed pretty much like Heidi Montag. Like in our little rich-middle-schooler tiny tops and tiny shorts and make-up caked on and Kate Spade purses in hand and they just paraded us into this inner-city shelter filled with homeless old men. Worst. Idea. Ever. I distinctly remember one of them looking me up and down and being like, “They didn’t make ‘em like that when I was 14,” and, at that moment, I realized that this whole trip had been terribly, terribly ill-conceived.
So I guess what I’m saying is that Heidi Montag looks like a trashy teenage wannabe slut.