Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Cleveland’s Getting His Own Show

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It’s no secret that I’m a huge Family Guy fan.

And I’m actually kind of bummed to hear that they’re going to spin off the life of Cleveland Brown into its own series.

According to the Hollywood Reporter, the new animated series, tentatively titled Cleveland, will be coming from the same comic minds that brought Stewie & Co. into the mainstream, with Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane, former Simpsons writer and American Dad exec producer Rich Appel and Family Guy writer-producer, not to mention the voice of Cleveland himself, Mike Henry, on board to write the new show.

Not much is known about Cleveland other than the fact it will revolve around the Brown clan. It’s unclear whether the series will remain set in the town of Quahog or whether Cleveland, along with his wife and son, will continue to appear on Family Guy, though as both series are animated, the double-billing won’t so much be a logistical problem as a creative decision.

I dunno. I hate spin-offs. They never work. Everything’s going so well on Family Guy. Don’t fuck it up, guys.

The Secret’s Out and the Photos Are Up

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Now that Prince Harry’s dirty little secret is out — he’s been serving in Afghanistan for the past 10 weeks — photos of him out there have hit the web.

It’s really shitty that the fact that he’s there got leaked. It compromises his safety and the safety of his fellow soldiers. But I have to say, even though I’m not a Brit, I feel a great deal of pride for Harry. I’m sure he didn’t have to go — he wanted to defend his country like the rest of his friends, and I give him mad props for that. Britain should be very proud of its prince.

Ummmmm

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Here’s James Franco at the LA premiere of Snow Angels.

I’m running this because I know my friend Heidi is obsessed with him, but I don’t see the draw.

At the very least, the moustache has got to go.

Okay, Fine, I Bite: We’re Running the Perez Hilton/Jonathan Jaxson Sex Transcripts

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Update: I fixed this so you guys can see the images.

Update 2:
Okay, now I’m getting emails from radio and TV stations asking if I can help them score Jonathan for an interview. Loves it.

Look.

Normally the last thing I want to do is give any publicity to either Jonathan Jaxson or Perez Hilton. But this was just too good to pass up. So this is going to be, like, more of an extensive rant than a normal blog post, because I have a lot to say on the matter.

You all know who Perez is, but let me give you some background on Jonathan. He popped up on the celeb blogging scene about a year ago, but he has a long and distinguished history of fame-whoring. He’s been on like 18,000 reality TV shows, each less self-respecting than the last, and is basically willing to do anything to get you to talk about him. I’ve emailed with him a few times, and, frankly, find him to be a nice enough guy, but he has a habit of making up email addresses and sending out disturbing self-promoting emails that kind of make me want to slap him.

Here’s just one example — an email I got on September 5, 2007 from a “Bart Ray.”

Hi,

I am writing you regarding former Hollywood publicist
turned blogger, Jonathan Jaxson and a sex video I just
got hands on of he and Bobby Trendy. It is crazy.
These are some screen shots of the two I have
uncovered that Bobby sent me prior to leaking the
tape.

Whoa. This JJ kid is crazy and beautiful.
(www.jonathanjaxson.com)

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=178467

Bart

You need a login to check out the photos on JUB, so I emailed “Bart” back (knowing full well it was JJ) asking if he could just send along the photos, and he happily obliged. If you guys really care, let me know, and I’m happy to post them, but, at the time, I decided against it, because the photos of “Bobby Trendy” didn’t have his face in them, and the photos of Jonathan didn’t have his penis in them, and the whole thing was just very boring and stupid. But this is just one example of the semi-regular emails I get from Jonathan and his pseudonyms. It’s relentless. In November 2007, I got an email from a “stanleyjason31@yahoo.com” alerting me to a tape of Jonathan masturbating on dudetube or some shit. I did a brief post on that one. The video is down now, but, as I recall, it was really, really dirty — I think it was the tape Perez refers to in these transcripts. Really dirty. Like I get embarrassed just thinking about the possibility of me making a tape like that, even if it were for the sole purpose of burning it immediately afterward. Never, never, never. (You’re welcome, Mom.)

So anyway.

On Thursday morning, this ran in the NY Post:

MARIO Lavandeira – better known as online gossip “Perez Hilton” – encouraged a handsome young blogger to send sex tapes of himself while he was making promises of promotion for the blogger’s own fledgling Web site.

Jonathan Jaxson – a former publicist and founder of gossip site JJ’s Dirt – told Page Six he sent Lavandeira sexually explicit videos of himself with the hope of Lavandeira’s help, which never materialized.

“He would tell me he would give me stories for my blog,” Jaxson, 24, said of Lavandeira, 29. “He used me.”

We’ve obtained pages of lengthy AOL Instant-Messenger chats between Jaxson and “Perez Hilton,” who has risen to fame with his Web site, where he doodles on photos of celebrities accompanied by scathing insults.

The New York Times ran a gushing puff piece on “Perez” Tuesday, reporting he gets 2.8 million visitors a month and is in talks with Warner Music for his own label because he has such a great ear for new music.

In an exchange from Sept. 1, 2007, Lavandeira told Jaxson, “you should totally make a sex tape . . . (but not with me).” Jaxson wrote back, “I will have to make one on here for you tomorrow and e-mail it to you.” Lavandeira responded, “Hot! Do it now!”

The next afternoon, Lavandeira asked Jaxson, “When are you sending me that video you promised?” Jaxson responded, “If you do a phone blog with me for my blog . . . as if I am cold calling you in attempt to get advice for my blog. You can be totally rude. I don’t want others to know we talk.”

The next day, Lavandeira asked again, “Where is that video?”

Jaxson told Page Six he sent Lavandeira videos of himself masturbating and other forms of “sex videos,” but said he only met Lavandeira in person three times – once in Florida and twice in New York.

“I fell in love with Perez. I thought he had a huge heart . . . but he’s just a [bleep]hole,” Jaxson told us. “We started working together and communicating on how to make my blog bigger. Then it got more personal and intimate.”

Lavendeira had no comment.

On Thursday afternoon, I got this in my email, from — who else? — stanleyjason31@yahoo.com:

Love your blogs. Here is the AIM chats the NY post got ahold of from Perez Hilton & Jonathan Jaxson. They talk major sex in exchange for publicity. You must read!!!

Here you go!!!

Stanley

Amusingly, “Stanley” hasn’t learned the art of the blind CC; the email also went out to the teams at Jezebel, Defamer, Fleshbot, Gawker, the Superficial, DListed, TMZ, Hollyscoop, Jossip, and — my personal favorite — MSNBC.

So, basically, like, here’s the moral: Fame is a disease. And Jonathan Jaxson has a very serious, debilitating case of it. Listen closely, people: if I ever get to the point where I’m sending the goddamn “what would you do to me if you were here?” AIM chats I have with dudes I’m dating to fucking goddamn Jezebel in the hopes that they’ll actually print it just take me outside and shoot my head off. Don’t ask questions. Just kill me. I’m unsalvageable.

But I digress.

The truth is, though, these transcripts really are a must-read. I mean, seriously, guys, there’s a part in there where Perez brags about his 8.5 inch cock (although he claims he hasn’t measured it since high school). It’s fucking genius.

Full transcripts are after the jump. They’re not safe for work; there’s a lot of penis in there, kids. Lotta penis.

Read More

Apparently Ashley Tisdale’s Doll Needs a Nose Job

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As you all know, Ashley Tisdale had a deviated septum nose job last year, but I guess the manufacturers of her new doll didn’t get the memo.

According to “insiders,” the Tizz doll is sporting her pre-surgery nose. “The width of the doll’s nose and the nostrils look like her nose pre-surgery,” cosmetic surgeon Dr. Patrick Abergel, who doesn’t treat the star, told In Touch Weekly.

Seriously?

You know what the Ashley Tisdale doll looks like?

It looks like a fucking doll.

It doesn’t look a damn thing like Ashley Tisdale, because it’s a fucking cheap-ass, mass-produced plastic likeness of a human being with blonde hair. When’s the last time you looked at one of those crappy dolls and thought to yourself, “Jesus, that thing looks exactly like Lindsay Lohan” or “Man, I thought Justin Timberlake lived in LA, but he’s clearly been shrunken and placed right here in my living room in Minnesota, the likeness is so striking”?

No.

It’s not Madame Tusseaud’s, people, it’s a cheap little doll. It doesn’t look like Ashley Tisdale because none of those dolls look anything like the people they’re supposed to be.

I don’t know why I’m so riled up about this. I just can’t believe people are actually writing stories — and consulting cosmetic surgeons — about a fucking $15 doll needing a couple millimeters off her nose.

God, Paris, I’m sorry about giving you shit for running around town clutching Benji Madden’s hand like a couple of fifth graders at recess. At least when you’re up to your standard antics, people aren’t writing about the goddamn nose on the Ashley Tisdale doll.

Ugh. I’m grumpy and need to sleep.