Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Katie Holmes Knows Better Than to Wear Those Ridiculous Jeans Around Tom

Tom's back in NYC with Katie Holmes, so she's back to wearing normal pants, because you know he bitch-slapped some fashion sense into her, then took out her awful old jeans and his sewing machine, made a pair of Daisy Dukes, and put on a fashion show for his dolls. So now Katie has to wear the kind of pants that normal people wear. Also: I like those sunglasses on Tom, and I hate that about myself. ...

Donald Trump Bails Out Ed McMahon

Donald Trump has offered to buy the LA mansion of Ed McMahon -- saving it from foreclosure -- and then lease it back to McMahon, who defaulted on his loans. The developer told the Los Angeles Times he doesn't know McMahon personally, but acted out of compassion because helping out "would be an honor." "When I was at the Wharton School of Business I'd watch him every night," Trump told the Times. "How could this happen?" Dude, Trump, do you ever fucking even hear yourself? Must you ...

I Want to Do Such Dirty Things to Michael Phelps

Yes, yes, yes. Michael Phelps won the 200m IM today -- and set a new world record while he was at it -- putting him six for six in his quest for Olympic record-setting. But we all knew that would happen. NBC ran a little clip about his body before his race. That's not fair, NBC! Teasing us like that! And here's the real news: Did you know that Michael wears a SIZE 14 SHOE? And that his hands are the SIZE OF PLATES? Let's not use euphemisms here, people: this guy has an enormous penis. And I...

Protesting the Mouse

Thirty-two protesters were arrested, handcuffed, frisked and loaded into police vans Thursday at the culmination of a labor protest at Disneyland in Anaheim. The picketers -- who were dressed in traditional Disney costumes -- began the day at one of three Disney hotels and marched to the gates of Disneyland. They were then arrested on a misdemeanor count of failure to obey a police officer and two traffic infractions, and were expected to be booked and released the same day. The dispute invol...