Today's Evil Beet Gossip

The Dark Knight!!!

Sorry I’ve been gone so much of the day, kids. I hit up The Dark Knight screening in Seattle tonight, and then went to a late dinner with friends.

Anyway, I’m not going to give anything away, except to say that the new Batman flick is FUCKING AMAZING!!! Seriously, EVERYTHING about it works. It’s just such a fun flick on so many levels. I absolutely loved it.

Plus, I got to see it on IMAX at the Pacific Science Center, which just made the whole experience even cooler. If you can see it on IMAX in your area, I strongly suggest you do so.

My new celebrity crush is officially Christian Bale. He can keep his mask on for all I care — his mouth alone is ridiculously sexy. I’m sure that’s part of the reason they cast him: ridiculously sexy mouth.

But everyone in the film is fantastic — Aaron Eckhart (also a total hottie), Maggie Gyllenhaal and, of course, Heath Ledger. I actually forgot that I was watching Heath Ledger — he moves so seamlessly into the character.

DEFINITELY a must-see!!!

I’m exhausted and I’m going to bed now. I’ll check in with you guys tomorrow!!!

More Details on the Andy Dick Arrest

Oh, man.

The arresting officer, Lt. Dennis Vrooman, told E! News he picked up the actor at 1:13 a.m. today outside the Buffalo Wild Wings restaurant and bar after receiving a complaint about a man urinating outside and generally causing a disturbance.

“He was extremely intoxicated,” Vrooman said.

Upon arriving at the scene, witnesses told the officers that Dick had sexually battered a female teen victim.

Per the police report, the 42-year-old actor approached two girls outside the restaurant before grabbing and pulling down the tank top and bra of the unidentified 17-year-old.

Several of Dick’s friends attempted to remove him from the location, but cops stopped the group’s truck several minutes later at a nearby Sam’s Club.

“The girls were uncomfortable with what he had done,” Vrooman said. “They signed private person arrest forms requesting that he be arrested. It was not mutual.”

After locating Dick, both the victim and an additional witness managed to identify the actor in a curbside lineup.

As if the situation wasn’t bad enough for Dick, officers found marijuana and Xanax in his pants pockets, Vrooman said.

It’s time to get some help, buddy. This is all such a mess.

Andy’s been released on $5000 bail.

Still Together!

Abbie Cornish and Ryan Phillippe made an appearance at the Xbox 360 party last night in LA.

“They were lovey-dovey,” reports a fellow partygoer. “They were holding hands and canoodling.”

I can’t believe Ryan’s still with her!

This Is Disturbing

I’m pretty sure this is the mug shot of one Andy Dick, who was arrested at 2 am last night in Murrieta (why is anyone ever in Murrieta???) on suspicion of drug possession and misdemeanor sexual battery.

He was arrested at a bar called Buffalo Wild Wings, which I looked up in the hopes that it was some manner of gay strip club, but it’s not. It’s just like a Chilis or something.

Oh, Andy.

This is not good at all.

Jakob Dylan Is Back!

Bob Dylan’s kiddo has returned to the scene, looking exhausted and drug-addled as ever, performing his new single, “Something Good This Way Comes” on The Tonight Show. It’s not a bad song, but I doubt it’ll see the kind of radio play it deserves. Who can compare with Hayden Panettiere? And my forthcoming single??

And in case you’d forgotten where you knew this kid from originally, here he is performing “One Headlight” with The Wallflowers back in the day.

CONTEST: Write Me a Single!

I totally wasn’t kidding.

I think I should record a single.

Granted, the Maloof Brothers probably won’t offer me their Vegas recording studio, but I think I can work something out. I know how to work an 8-track.

I took singing lessons as a little kid, and I was in my share of community musical theater productions. I know that doesn’t exactly make me an accomplished vocalist, but I think I can give Paris Hilton a run for her money. Hey, it’s better than releasing a fashion line through Hot Topic, right?

So I’m dead serious: write me a single, people. All the cool kids have singles these days. I need a single.

If someone submits something that doesn’t suck, I swear to you I will record it and try to get it played anywhere I can. My PR people have nothing better to do. I’ll make them spend all day every day trying to get my single on the radio.

So if you’re an aspiring songwriter with absolutely no other options, send your track to

I’m gonna be a star!!!