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21Amy Winehouse Invited to Space Opera

The Church of Scientology has reached out to Amy Winehouse in an effort to help with her spiraling drug addiction.  

Narconon, based on the teachings of L. Ron Hubbard, is a rehabilitation plan with an approach of cold turkey withdrawal, hands-on healing, vitamin supplements and enduring insults and prolonged eye contact with a coach as a way to build trust.  I know it also involves the counseling of the alien beings, known as a Space Opera, that inhabit her “meat body”. 

Yeah.  That sounds sane.

Kirstie Alley is the spokesperson for Narconon.  Ahem.

October 5, 2008 at 3:17 pm by Wendie
Filed Under: Amy Winehouse

9Beet is a Visionary

I’ll be the first to admit it.  I was a non-believer.  I’ve spent time making fun, laughing and pointing and generally mocking my beloved editor who gave an A- rating to Beverly Hills Chihuahua.  I am of the opinion that if you are an actor, and you’ve been handed any script that has talking animals in it, you need to burn it and fire your agent pronto.  And I’m wrong.  And she was right.  It was the number one U.S. box office this weekend with a take of $29 million.  Inexplicable…like Atlantis, UFO sightings and Tara Reid’s fame.

October 5, 2008 at 1:27 pm by Wendie
Filed Under: Uncategorized

8Beyonce Receives Award

Beyonce was inducted into the International Pediatric Hall of Fame at the Miami Children’s Hospital Foundation Diamond Ball and Private Concert this weekend.  I support famous people who use their celebrity for charitable organizations and the greater good.  However…

You’ve never seen so much off the rack acetate crap in your life.  Looking at these pictures makes me feel like I’m at the prom of hell.  Someone get me a bucket of pigs’ blood STAT.

Highlights include:  Beyonce’s mother/stylist hates her, Smokey Robinson bursts out crying when he realizes he’s wearing a sequinned cumberbund, in a twist of irony Gloria Gaynor looks like a movie theater sized box of Good and Plenty,  Gloria Estefan appears robust and various other synthetic material tragedies.

October 5, 2008 at 12:58 pm by Wendie

29Mariah Carey Gets Stuffed

 

How many layers of industrial strength Spanx do you think Mariah Carey was wearing to be able to stuff herself into this dress last night at The Bank nightclub in Las Vegas?  She is a human knockwurst.

Incidentally, hands on hips with elbows jutted out goes by the scientific term of Backus Fat Avoidanceous Pose.    Evil Beet Gossip doesn’t just entertain but educates too.  More examples of Mariah throughout the evening below:

October 5, 2008 at 8:58 am by Wendie
Filed Under: Mariah Carey

16Janet Jackson Still Feeling Nasty

Janet Jackson is still having health problems.  Last night, ninety minutes before curtain time, she cancelled her Greensboro, North Carolina concert based on the advice of a doctor who said she should not perform.  She has postponed five shows in the past week.  What do you think her “unspecified illness” is?  I think she’s suffering from anxiety attacks.  Or a Frito addiction.  Equally debilitating.  Trust me.

Get well soon Janet!

October 5, 2008 at 6:52 am by Wendie

19The VP Debate on SNL

Watch it before NBC pulls it.

Update: Got it from the NBC site. Should be stable now.

October 5, 2008 at 12:44 am by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Uncategorized