Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Gwyneth’s Gams

Gwyneth Paltrow worked hard for those legs, dammit, and she’s gonna make damn sure everybody notices them.

Hell, I’d do the same thing.

I went to the gym for the first time in FOREVER today. Yeah, that’s right, I am getting my fucking life together. I even have a trainer! She’s a really cool chick. I love her because when she asked me if I smoked and I said yes she didn’t look at me like I’d just admitted to burning newborn babies in my backyard bonfire pit during my menstrual cycle. She was like, “Do you want to quit?” And I was basically like, “Well, in theory, yes, but, you know, socialism works in theory too.” But she was overall really cool about it, and so I fell in love with her. And she gave me a little form to fill out with this big ol’ table where I was supposed to list all the daily exercise I was doing. And I just wrote across it, in huge letters, “NOTHING” and she didn’t seem to hate me for that, either. She gave me this little diet plan and I went to Trader Joe’s and got everything on it — and Leo got little beef sticks that he digs, too — so maybe sometime soon I will have hot Gwyneth legs too. Then I will land me some skinny British musician and have children which I will name Grapefruit and Christ.

After the jump, more photos from this event, including Liv Tyler, Diana Ross, Joy Bryant, My Nemesis Leelee Sobieski, Famke Janssen, Robert Downey Jr., Helena Christensen and Michael Stipe.

Read More

Scott Weiland’s Going to Jail

Unfortunately for Scott Weiland, he forgot to be a 5’0,” 80-pound blond mother-to-be while driving under the influence. For his second DUI in recent years, Scott was handed down a sentence of eight days in jail.

Nicole Richie, you’ll recall, served 82 minutes for a similar offense.

So we’ll wait and see how much time Scott actually spends in the slammer, but I’m betting it’s gonna be more than 82 minutes.

Life just ain’t fair, kids.

Call Girl Power!

If you think all call girls are just going to lie down and take it, think again.

Ashley Dupre, the hooker behind the Eliot Spitzer scandal, is now suing Joe Francis to the tune of $10M for the illegal use of her name and image.

In the lawsuit, filed on Monday in federal court in Miami, Ashley Alexandra Dupre contends that she was 17 and not old enough to sign a legally binding contract when she appeared partially nude in video footage filmed in 2003 by members of Francis’ Mantra Films production company in Miami Beach.

On a spring break vacation at the time, Dupre was also drunk when told to sign a video “release” form, according to the complaint, which seeks damages in excess of $10 million from Francis and his co-defendants.

“At the time of these events, plaintiff did not understand the magnitude of her actions nor that her image and likeness would be displayed in videos and DVDs produced and distributed by defendants,” the lawsuit says.

You go get ‘em, Ashley! Anyone suing Joe Francis is okay by me, even if they are a hooker.

More About Miley

So I sat down to write a post about Cheri Oteri’s father, who was tragically murdered in his Nashville home this weekend, but I really hate covering shit like that. Like, it’s so incredibly sad, it’s not her fault, and, while it’s an intriguing story, I feel dirty trying to use it to get page views. So if you care, the full story is here.

Instead, I’m going to focus on something more appropriate: the sluttification of one Miley Cyrus.

The photographer behind the shots, Annie Liebowitz, has decided to weigh in herself. Says Annie:

“I’m sorry that my portrait of Miley has been misinterpreted,” she said in a statement. “Miley and I looked at fashion photographs together, and we discussed the picture in that context before we shot it. The photograph is a simple, classic portrait, shot with very little makeup, and I think it is very beautiful.”

Yeah, Annie. Shot with very little makeup. Also: very little clothing.

And where would any of this be without the Christian Coalition of America? Normally I’d be like “What the fuck does the Christian Coalition have to do with any of this?” but Miley’s been so outspoken about her relationship with Jesus and her religion that I suppose they do get to have a say here.

“Disney should reprimand her,” says their spokesperson. “Miley should say it was a mistake and that kids have to be very careful at such a young age. Kids look up to her. Something needs to be done.”


This is going to be the best-selling issue of Vanity Fair in years, and it’s done wonders toward launching Miley’s career for an adult audience. Well-played, my friends.

A Special Message for Perez

So Perez Hilton is totally regretting making an Internet phenom out of Chris Crocker (aka Heidi Montag Part Deux), and refuses to cover him further, and I’m sure has managed to be a total asshole to him on more than one occasion.

Here’s what Chris has to say about it.

It’s funny; all the gay male bloggers pretty much refuse to cover Chris, but they’ll cover other non-entities like Phoebe Price. Jealous much, boys? The boy has better legs than I do! And I’m willing to admit it!


Yup, Britney’s Coming Back to TV!

Britney Spears will reprise her guest role on How I Met Your Mother. Production on the new episode begins today.

The show’s producer, Craig Thomas, released this statement: “We’re all so thrilled to have Britney joining us once again. And just to head it off at the pass this time around: Yes, Mom, Britney’s very nice and no, I can’t get her autograph for you.”

Seriously, dude? You should be able to get her autograph for your mom. Here’s a tip: have her sign it on a loaded crack pipe. That makes the whole process go more smoothly.

Anyway, congrats, Britney. Good to see you’re (kind of) back on your feet again. I’m always cheering you on, girl, even when I’m being mean.

More of Miley

Here’s a better shot of Miley Cyrus inside Vanity Fair.

I love the quote here: “I know they have good hearts and they’re struggling,” she says about Lindsay and Britney. Oh, Miley. Don’t be so condescending. This is going to be you in a couple of years.

We’ve also got a video of the shoot, which I think is supposed to demonstrate that her father, Billy Ray Cyrus, was on the set with her, but really it’s just a lot of Miley posing with her father for photos that make me uncomfortable. Like, if fifteen is too young to be posing topless with a bed sheet, it’s also too old to be posing with your head in your father’s lap, or gazing adoringly into his eyes as he grabs your thigh. Sorry, but that’s kind of gross.

Video is after the jump.

Read More