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53NO JONAS BROTHER IS WORTH THIS!

Burgeoning Disney star Demi Lovato showed up on the red carpet recently sporting some rather suspicious-looking scars. The pic is from October, but this is the first I’ve heard of it.

I want to be all snarky and mean about this, but my heart goes out to the girl. Sweetheart, you’re beautiful and you’re talented and I have even publicly admitted to liking your album. And I know that being 16 really sucks, and being 16 in the spotlight sucks even worse, but take it from someone who’s been there: It gets better, baby. I promise. Hang in there.

Thanks Abigail!

December 10, 2008 at 11:15 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Demi Lovato

13Please Consider Nominating Me for the Shorty Awards

I take a great deal of pride in my Twittering skill. I work very hard each day at crafting the most entertaining and revelatory 140 characters possible.

It would be fabulous if those of you who read my Twitters regularly, either via your own Twitter account or in the sidebar of this blog, would consider submitting a nomination for me in the Shorty awards, which are awards for the best Twitterer. It would make me so happy to win one.

To go to the nomination page, click here. I suggest you nominate me in the categories of “humor” or “personal,” but frankly I think I’m more than qualified in any category. That’s just kind of how I feel about myself in general. Some people consider that cocky. I just know I’m well-rounded.

And if you just want to check out my humorous and personal Twitter feed and/or follow me on Twitter, you can do that here.

December 10, 2008 at 10:43 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Uncategorized

42Twilight Sequel Appears to Be Doomed from the Start

I have a feeling that the studio behind Twilight’s sequel, New Moon, is going to end up making a gigantic mess of what could be another blockbuster. Basically, they’re trying to rush the film out to capitalize on all the buzz around the film right now. As Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson are still wandering around the globe hating life at the first film’s international premieres, pre-production is slated to start on the sequel in just a few days. Rumors indicate that the first film’s director, Catherine Hardwicke, wasn’t fired, but rather passed on the second film because she knew that the rushed production schedule would wind up disastrous. They still don’t have a script in place, and filming is supposed to start in mid-March. This is bad.

Plus, word is that producers want to oust the adorable Taylor Lautner as Jacob, since they don’t feel he can carry the heftier role that Jacob plays in the sequel. There’s also concern about the plot as a whole transferring well to the big screen. Said Catherine Hardwicke last month: “You have to get the chemistry as strong ­between Jacob and Bella as it was between Bella and Edward. You also have to do ­some­thing with that arc: She’s in love with somebody, he disappears, she falls in love with someone else, and the first guy comes back. Movies like Pearl Harbor have tried it. It absolutely didn’t work.”

And they’re still scrambling to find qualified Native American actors to play Jacob’s werewolf clan.

Seriously.

It’s fucking impossible these days to find a decent Native American werewolf-clan member. I feel your pain.

What do you guys think? Will New Moon make bank at the theaters no matter what? Or should the studio take their time and put some more effort into this film?

December 10, 2008 at 8:47 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Uncategorized

10Put Him in Gen Pop!

Do you like my prison lingo?

Do you see how cool I am?

I know phrases like “gen pop” because I grew up in the hood and all my friends were thugs and we periodically enrolled in prison.

No I’m kidding. I don’t know how I know that. I probably heard it in a rap song. Or, like, one of those Discovery Channel shows about prisons that I so adore.

Anyway, OJ Simpson’s not getting anally raped just yet. He’s being held in his own cell and separated from the rest of the evildoers.

“You don’t know who might take a pot shot at Mr. Simpson,” said Suzanne Pardee, a spokeswoman for the Nevada Department of Corrections, who stressed the separation is routine procedure for all new inmates.

Simpson, 61, sentenced Friday to at least nine years for armed robbery and kidnapping, is currently at the medium-security High Desert State Prison, 40 minutes north of Las Vegas.

The ex-football star is undergoing three weeks of medical and psychological testing to determine which of the seven Nevada prisons he’ll be permanently placed.

Wait, let me get this straight: the government spends THREE WEEKS attempting to help convicted felons wind up in the prison that’ll be the best fit for them?

Ummmmm … would it really be so hard to set up a similar system for our nation’s school children?

It would probably save you some of the prison-testing money in the long run, dudes.

December 10, 2008 at 8:36 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: O.J. Simpson

48America: Fuck Yeah

Jennifer Aniston rocks the cover of the new GQ.

Ummmm, how to put this nicely?

I can haz sex with you, Jen?

December 10, 2008 at 8:27 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Jennifer Aniston

22Ricky Martin Shows Off Babies, Doesn’t Mention How Gay He Is

Do you guys ever have those days at work where you’re like, “Whatever happens today, I can’t possibly do anything productive?” I’m having one of those days. I keep trying to, like, do my job, and something shiny always distracts me. Like, one of the DVD editors for Film.com just got the Blu-Ray version of The Man Who Fell to Earth, which is like this indie sci-fi flick from the ’70s where David Bowie stars as an alien living in America with a British accent and everyone just generally appears to be high the whole time. I mean, just watching it makes you think you might be a little high. There’s also a scene where David Bowie has alien sex. Honestly. Like, he doesn’t have a penis, he just has a nub, and then they goo all over each other and that’s how aliens have sex. I dunno. But, like, half the Film.com team just spent a portion of the afternoon watching David Bowie have goo-sex on Blu-Ray (which, incidentally, had phenomenal quality for a movie made in the ’70s).

Anyway, here’s a bunch of new pics of Ricky Martin and the twins he had through a surrogate, Matteo and Valentino, who are four months old here. The pics will be running in a variety of publications this week.

Ricky does an extensive interview with Hola magazine for their spread, and at no point are they like, “So, you’re totally gay, right?” which he totally is. I really wish that he’d come out. He’s a fantastic example of a gay man raising a beautiful family through non-traditional means and I wish he’d be willing to talk about it and be a positive gay role model. I think it would do a lot of good. I mean, frankly, it’s not like he has this fantastic career to protect at this point. Just come out and talk about it, Ricky!

December 10, 2008 at 3:03 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Ricky Martin