Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Get Ready to Laugh

This Celine Dion/Anastacia cover of AC/DC’s “You Shook Me All Night Long” has been voted the worst cover of all time by Total Guitar magazine.

Meredith Brooks accompanies on guitar.

I really wish Celine would try this as a ballad. That’s about the only way it could be funnier.

Give It Up, Donald

Donald Trump is back to pulling strings at the NY Post to try to get people to care about the next edition of Celebrity Apprentice, which no one cares about. I can’t even believe that shit is still on the air. I swear the last time I gave a shit about The Apprentice was at some point during the Vietnam War.

Anyway, Donald’s planted this item:

HEATHER Mills was able to extract $50 million from her marriage to Paul McCartney, but how will she fare on “Celebrity Apprentice”? Producers have asked the one-legged former pinup to become a contestant on the NBC show’s next season, says an insider. “Donald [Trump] really likes her, so he was into the idea,” said our source. “But I don’t think she wants to do the show full time, so she may just appear as a surprise guest on an episode to run one of the tasks. She’s figuring it all out.” It would be convenient for Mills, who just bought a $5 million apartment in the Village

When are they just going to pull the plug on this nonsense? And who the hell cares if Heather Mills is on Celebrity Apprentice? The only reason we cared that she was on Dancing with the Stars is that we wanted to see how she’d dance around with that fake leg.

What Happened Here?

It looks like Father Time took Molly Ringwald out to the shed and raped her.

Seriously what the fuck happened here?

It’s like her lips couldn’t take any more Botox so they just started injecting it into her chin. All twenty vials.

Here’s Molly at the Dr. Frank Ryan Bony Pony Ranch Foundation fundraiser in LA. When I first heard the name of the charity, I was like “That’s a rather insensitive name for an eating disorder treatment center, don’t you think?”

But, no, it’s a camp for underprivileged kids. So that’s good, at least.

Rebels with a Cause: Matthew McConaughey

Seriously this video looks like the Sharks and the Jets all over again.

A bunch of teenage surfers caused a scene on a Malibu beach this weekend, when they attacked some paparazzi trying to get photos of Matthew McConaughey surfing. It actually gets pretty brutal toward the end.

I mean, far be it from me to stand up for the paparazzi (I just pay them), but these kids come off as total tools here. They yell at the photogs to “get a real job,” but when a photog asks them what they do for a living, one of the kids responds “I drink beer and party! Woooo!”

Total. Fucking. Douchebags.

RIP Scott Kalitta

I’ve recently started watching reruns of the A&E show Driving Force, about Funny Car driver John Force and his daughters, so this piece of news struck a chord for me.

Funny Car driver Scott Kalitta, age 46, was killed this weekend when his car went out of control and crashed at the Lucas Oil NHRA SuperNationals.

He leaves behind his wife and two sons.

I have to admit that this kind of racing is something I just don’t understand. Why would anyone want to participate in a sport that’s so dangerous? I guess I’m just not an adrenaline junkie, but I know these kinds of tragedies happen with some regularity in this particular sport. Why would a man with children want to be a part of this? I’m in no way blaming him or saying he deserved this, it’s just a mindset I really don’t understand.

The video of the crash is here. They aired it on ESPN2. You can tell that the announcer thinks it’s kind of bullshit that the network’s airing it. I kind of do too.

RIP, Scott.