Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Your Daily SamLo

Remember when we used to do “Your Daily Lohan” segments around here? That was back in the days when you might ever see Lindsay Lohan photographed without Samantha Ronson surgically attached to her hip. Now it has to be Your Daily SamLo, because these two are never freakin’ apart. I mean, I know they’re all super-duper in love and stuff, but don’t they ever want a break from each other?

Anyway. Here’s the gruesome twosome wandering the streets of New York. My favorite part of this photo is the kid with the microphone for some tiny local show, chasing after them. I wonder what he planned to ask them. If it were me, I’d be all like, “So, I mean, do you guys do oral or is it more about the fingers?” That’s what I always want to ask lesbians. Not in a rude way; I’m genuinely curious. I’m one of those chicks that can only get off with an actual penis inside me, so I just wonder how it works with lesbians. It’s probably a good thing I’m not a lesbian. I’d probably hate the sex.

Blast from the Past!

Remember these two crazy kids?

Yes, it’s Jason Wahler and his fiancee, Katia Decker, at some Z-list event in Hollywood. Seriously. They were like the biggest names there. Even Kristen Cavallari didn’t bother showing up.

Give it up, you guys. Go gently into that good night.

Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 Premiere

So I got a text from one of my best friends the other night, and it read: “sisterhood of the traveling pants 2 opens aug 6!!!!!”

I called her to be like, “Uh … good?” and we had the following conversation:

Her: Hi! Did you get my text???
Me: Um, yes?
Her: Did you laugh?
Me: Um, no?
Her: Don’t you remember?
Me: Um. No.
Her: Remember that one night where you totally wanted to go out clubbing but I made you stay home with me and watch Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants?
Me: Uh. How drunk was I?
Her: You weren’t drunk!
Me: You’re certain of this?
Her: Yes! I made you watch the whole thing with me on a Saturday night! You were so pissed!
Me: I have no recollection of this event. You are absolutely certain that it was me and I was not in a blackout at the time?
Her: Yes!
Me: You’re sure I was sober? Was I maybe secretly drunk? Did I vomit on your shoes or text my ex-boyfriend with photos of my nipples or eat an entire jar of cheese dip or anything?
Her: You were sober!
Me: Hm.

So there you have it, folks. I watched the entirety of Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants and have apparently repressed the memory.

You can imagine how psyched I am about Round Two. Here’s the old gang I don’t remember, reunited again, at the film’s premiere in New York.

Shia LaBeouf Has a Lot of ‘Splaining to Do

Hollywood hot-shot Shia LaBeouf was just coming into his own as an alcoholic actor, but he’s gonna have to watch out for Adrian Grenier, who currently wants to kick his ass.

Yes, the mystery female passenger in Shia’s passenger seat during the DUI has been identified, and it’s none other than Shia’s Transformers 2 costar — and Adrian Grenier’s girlfriend — 23-year-old Isabel Lucas. When the Daily News asked Adrian what he thought about Isabel being alone in a car with her drunken costar at 3 o’clock in the morning, he “was testy and had no comment.”

And as for Shia’s activities prior to the incident in question?

He was at the Troubadour club watching the Lemon Son band. “He was dancing around and acting really crazy,” says a source. “He kept doing shots of whiskey. He stayed until the band was done and then stumbled out of the club by himself.”

What the hell was this chick thinking getting into a car with him? She very easily could have been killed. DO NOT LET DRUNK PEOPLE DRIVE YOU AROUND!!!

And as a side note: I totally don’t think this girl is all that pretty, Adrian. Her eyes are creeping me out. You should date me instead. Just saying.

Amy Winehouse Hospitalized for Reaction to Medication

Amy Winehouse was hospitalized in London on Monday night for what her reps are calling a “reaction to medication.”

And you know what?

I believe it!

If you have a medical background, you’ll know that it’s actually not at all uncommon for people to have a reaction of some kind after self-medicating with crack-cocaine.

“Doctors have advised that she will be kept under observation overnight and is likely to be released tomorrow,” her reps said in a statement.

Sigh.

Get better, Amy.

Things That Disney Will Love: Miley Cyrus Offered $1M Contract to Rep LifeStyles Condoms

Talk about thinking outside the box!

And by “thinking outside the box” I of course mean “thinking about 15-year-olds having sex.” Which is kind of like thinking inside the box, actually. Thinking inside the very underage box.

LifeStyles has offered Miley Cyrus a $1M contract to be a spokesperson for their condoms.

“Pop culture proves that teens are more ready than ever to discuss the subject of sex,” said Carol Carrozza, VP of Marketing for LifeStyles Condoms. “With recent reports showing that one out four teenage girls has an STD and the high level of teenage pregnancy, we believe that Miley is both influential and relatable to this afflicted set—and is the obvious choice to get the message of safe sex out to teens across America.”

Yeah, dude. Teens are totally ready to discuss the subject of sex. You can tell that by reading the 8,000 comments on Perez Hilton referring to “lindsey lohan” as a “totl slutt with an uggly cuchie but id still let her suck my dik lolollllol first1!!.” Yes, teens are ready to discuss the subject of sex. Just not in a mature or even marginally productive manner. I’m all about educating teenagers about safe sex, but sometimes I think we need to put less emphasis on safe sex and more emphasis on spelling and grammar. Gonorrhea or not, you’re still pretty screwed in this world when you can’t read or write. But I digress.

In addition to the $1M, LifeStyles will also provide Miley with a lifetime supply of condoms, for whenever she chooses to have sex, which was last year.

Miley hasn’t agreed to do this, and probably won’t — in fact, this is almost certainly a publicity stunt on the part of LifeStyles — but still. I kind of love the idea.

John Stamos Is Lying

Rebecca Romijn has a habit of marrying men who lie to the media.

First, her current husband Jerry O’Connell lied and told us he and Rebecca were “trying” to get pregnant, when he knew full well she was already knocked up.

And now, her ex-husband John Stamos is lying and saying he’s happy that she’s preggers with twins.

“I’m happy for all four of them,” John says in a statement to E!. “I wish them the best.”

Translation: “I hope their babies are fat. Like Jerry was when he was a kid. I hope their babies are fat and that they try to eat each other.”