Today's Evil Beet Gossip

I Am So Obsessed with Baby Names

Is this just me? Every year, when the Social Security department releases its list of most popular baby names, I, like, study it. Why do I care so much? I’m not pregnant. I probably won’t be pregnant ever, because men suck, and I’ll end up adopting a little Cambodian baby and naming it Maddox and waiting around on my couch for Brad Pitt to show up and leave Angelina Jolie for me.

But anyway.

The most popular girl names in 2007:

1) Emily
2) Isabella
3) Emma
4) Ava
5) Madison
6) Sophia
7) Olivia
8) Abigail
9) Hannah
10) Elizabeth

Come on, people! When are you going to start naming your girls “Beet”??? I’m waiting!!!

And the most popular boy names:

1) Jacob
2) Michael
3) Ethan
4) Joshua
5) Daniel
6) Christopher
7) Anthony
8) William
9) Matthew
10) Andrew

I, for one, am just grateful not to see “Perez” on that list.

For male twins, parents were most likely to combine Jacob with Joshua, Matthew with Michael and Daniel with David. The most popular combination for female twins was Ella and Emma. OMG that’s so cute! Okay, I have to have female twins now so I can name them Ella and Emma! Oh, who am I kidding? I’d totally name them Ashley and Mary-Kate.

The name “Shiloh” debuted on the list this year at #804. “Maddox” is at #226. “Jayden” is at #18. “Danica” is at #307. “Paris” is at #385. And “Miley” is at #278. My real name is at #350, which was very exciting for me. I beat out Paris!!! My little sister’s name made the list in both the male AND female categories. I am going to make fun of her for that. “Dakota” is at #239. “America” is at #462. “Rocco” is at #448, and “Melvin” is at #446 (Who is naming their kid Melvin?! Stop it!!!).

Thank goodness, “Apple” doesn’t appear to have made the cut. “Moses,” however, is at #464.

And the name “Elvis”? It’s at #676.

Man, you guys, I could do this forever. I’m obsessed with this stuff. I just want to spend hours and hours researching these trends. Someone asked me tonight what my five-year plan was, and I was like “Uhhhh. Probably to develop a five-year plan?” But if this whole celebrity gossip thing doesn’t pan out, I’m going to be a baby name expert! What the hell kind of degree do you even need to do that, anyway? I need to get it, stat!

For the full list, click here.

Man, I Am Such a Shallow Asshole

So I get an email on Facebook tonight. It was from a reader, begging me to help raise awareness about a cyclone that recently hit and devastated Myanmar.

The cyclone hit on May 2, devastated much of the area, and the final fatality count is expected to be around 100,000 lives.

You know what, you guys?

I had never even fucking heard of this cyclone.

And I think of how the entire world reached out to us to help after Hurricane Katrina, and I just think about what an awful, stereotypical American I am, and it kind of makes me feel sick.

And I hate to go all Perez Hilton on you guys and be like “Donate to this cause!” but I figured it’s kind of the least I can do to make amends for the fact that I know what happened on 30 Rock last week, because I came home and watched it after getting a pedicure and buying new heels, but I didn’t know that a cyclone killed 100,000 people in Myanmar last week and left an entire region in total devastation.

To read more about Cyclone Nargis and its impact, click here.

To help by supporting Doctors without Borders in Burma, click here or here.

To help by supporting Save the Children Myanmar, click here.

To help by supporting CARE International, click here.

I Am So Jealous of Tyra Banks Right Now

Tyra Banks, notoriously quiet about her private life, goes shopping in NYC with her boyfriend, John Utendahl.

Damn, Tyra.

This guy is waaaaay hot. Check out that chin dimple. Daaaaaaayum. I ::heart:: chin dimples.

And surprise, surprise: he’s also loaded.

John is the chairman of Utendahl Capital Management LP, the largest African-American owned investment bank in the U.S.

OMG. Total smarty-pants.

So jealous right now.

Jenna Bush Ties the Knot!

Congrats to 26-year-old Jenna Bush, who tied the knot with 30-year-old Henry Hager on Saturday, at her father’s 1600-acre Prairie Chapel Ranch in Crawford, Texas.

“This is a joyous occasion for our family, as we celebrate the happy life ahead of (Jenna) and her husband, Henry,” the president said in his weekly radio broadcast Saturday morning. “It’s also a special time for Laura, who this Mother’s Day weekend will watch a young woman we raised together walk down the aisle.”

Jenna wore an embroidered organza Oscar de la Renta gown, and her twin sister Barbara was her maid of honor.

Henry’s father is a prominent Virginia Republican, and he met Jenna while they were both working on President Bush’s re-election campaign. He’s finishing up his MBA at Darden, after which he’s planning to work for an energy company in Maryland.

The Balding Prince

Wills — who is losing his hair like nobody’s business — was on-hand to cheer on the participants at the under-18 water polo championship in Walsall today.

I kind of love that he’s not sporting toupees, though. He’s losing his hair at 26 and he’s proud of it, dammit!

I’d totally still marry him. Who wouldn’t?

Jennie Garth to Join 90210 Cast

Sorry I’ve been MIA all day. I was exhausted for some reason. I slept until 6 pm today, you guys. I mean, I got up every now and then to feed and play with Leo, but for the most part I just spent the entire day asleep. It was really nice, actually. I think I needed it.

Luckily, nothing very interesting happened in my absence.

Jennie Garth is officially signed on to reprise her role as Kelly Taylor in the 90210 spinoff, playing a guidance counselor at her old high school.

She’ll be a recurring character, not a series regular.

Lauren Hastings Is Still Talking Shit About Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan’s rehab frenemy, model Lauren Hastings, is really excited that Lindsay’s all caught up in the Minkgate scandal, because it gives her a chance to rehash her story of how Lindsay stole a bunch of her shit back in, like, 1992. Nah, it was almost exactly a year ago, but the LA courts dismissed the case, so Lauren’s determined to at least get as much publicity out of this things as is humanly possible.

So I did something I should have done a long time ago — I went through all the photos on Lauren’s Facebook page. And whaddya know? A photo with Lauren, a friend, and a large knife. Remind you of anything? Is this, like, something that girls in this circle commonly do? Like:

“What are you doing tonight?”

“Well, um, my date fell through, so Sarah and I were going to take photos of ourselves holding a large knife.”

“Oh, cool. Melissa and I did that last night, and I’m penciled in to do it with Jamie next Thursday. We were gonna get coffee before. Wanna come?”

“I totally would, but I’m actually supposed to take photos of myself holding a large knife with Danielle on Thursday. I mean, I guess we could all do it together …”

“No, no. Only two girls in the photo. That’s the rule.”

“Right. Well, what are you doing tomorrow?”

“Nothing.”

“Cool. Wanna come over and take photos of ourselves holding a large knife?”

“For sure! I’ll bring the knife. I just got an awesome new one — it’s serrated!”

Sheesh.

More fun pics of Lauren from her FB page in the thumbnails.