8Hillary Clinton and Angelina Jolie Probably Shouldn’t Mate

Because it turns out they’re ninth cousins.

And Brad Pitt? He’s a ninth cousin of Barack Obama.

OMG.

Only on a slow news day, people. Only on a slow news day.

Pitt and Obama are ninth cousins, linked by Edwin Hickman, who died in Virginia in 1769, the researchers found.

Clinton … and Jolie, meanwhile, are ninth cousins, twice removed because they are both related to Jean Cusson who died in St. Sulpice, Quebec, in 1718.

Seriously?

And I went to elementary school with John McCain’s daughter. No, really, I did. She was a couple of years below me. I was her 4th grade reading buddy. She wore big red glasses and she was adorable. I’m gonna call my PR agency. We oughtta issue a press release on a slow news day.

March 26, 2008 at 2:19 am by Evil Beet

4The Bright Pink Nails Are Back!

Yay!

Lindsay’s rocking those neon nails again. Must be that time of year.

And here she is, partying — with water, I assume — at Villa Lounge. She left in a car driven by none other than Samantha Ronson.

I bet Samantha took her home and gave her a nice, strong batch of … um … cookies.

Also, check out the ridiculous fake eyelashes in the thumbnail.

March 26, 2008 at 2:10 am by Evil Beet

10Success for Britney!

Finally!

Brit-Brit’s appearance on How I Met Your Mother garnered the show its highest ratings ever. 10.6 million peeps tuned in to watch Britney play a ditzy, slutty receptionist for Scrubs‘ Sarah Chalke, who also guest-starred.

You can check out all of Brit’s scenes here.

Is it happening? Is the real Britney Spears comeback beginning?

Oh, I hope so!

March 25, 2008 at 12:39 pm by Evil Beet

8Jamie-Lynn Spears Is Either Engaged or Has Mastered the Art of Fucking with the Media

People magazine is reporting that Jamie-Lynn Spears, age 16, has been spotted all around Louisiana flashing an engagement ring from baby daddy Casey Aldridge.

“She’s got an engagement ring,” the source says. “She’s been showing it off, talking about it.”

I think I call bullshit on this. I’m not even entirely convinced yet that Casey Aldridge is even the father of JLS’s kid, but we’ll probably never get a paternity test, so I guess I’ll just have to accept not knowing. I think Jamie’s just learning to play her sister’s game — wear a ring, fuck with the media.

March 25, 2008 at 10:55 am by Evil Beet

5Um, Zooey Deschanel Has an Album

God, I love Zooey Deschanel. She’s just the absolute coolest. I’ll watch anything with her in it.

Anyway, it turns out she just teamed up with singer-songwriter M. Ward to release an album under the band name “She and Him.” The album’s called Volume 1. I’m listening to it right now on my Rhapsody player. It’s pretty much exactly what you’d expect from Zooey — folksy, fun, and just way cool.

March 25, 2008 at 10:37 am by Evil Beet

11In Case You Missed It

Check out the Counting Crows performing their new single, “You Can’t Count on Me,” on Letterman.

You can check out the official music video for this single here.

Jesus, Adam, you’re forty-fucking-three years old. Isn’t it about time you got over all this angst and irresponsibility and just settled down once and for all as my husband?

I think yes.

March 25, 2008 at 12:10 am by Evil Beet