When your angry ex-girlfriend causes a minor media frenzy in her attempts to release a sex tape featuring you and your not-so-Michael-Phelps penis, there’s really only one way to save your dignity: capitalize on the attention by filming a reality series about your life.
This is exactly what Verne Troyer has done.
Tiny Hollywood star Verne Troyer is to star in his own reality TV show.
The Austin Powers actor, 39, has already begun shooting the series, and is hoping to attract interest from networks.
Troyer tells Us Weekly, “It’s about being a dwarf in Hollywood.”
The Mini Me star will be hoping for a more successful venture into reality TV, after an embarrassing episode on VH1′s The Surreal Life in 2007, when he got drunk and urinated on the floor.
Verne, I don’t know if you’re really qualified to do a reality series about being a dwarf in Hollywood. I mean, if one were a dwarf hoping to be in the public eye, one would think that the cardinal rule is to never, ever, under any circumstances wear a lobster bib. It’s a rule that applies loosely to all public figures, but most especially to dwarves. And you totally blew it with the bib, Verne. Admit your defeat and back down. Give someone else a shot now.
August 20, 2008 at 9:58 pm by Evil Beet
You guys, something wonderful has happened in the past few hours.
I left the office around three feeling grumpy and annoyed with the world. I was just in one of those little funks where, despite the fact that my life is essentially perfect, I’m still like “I never get what I want, nothing is fair, why do I even try, I’m so over everything.” I just wanted to throw a temper tantrum and hit people in the face.
Then I did a half hour on the elliptical machine at the gym, staring out the window at the glorious, pounding, cool Seattle rain, spent time getting honest with some friends, did an hour and a half of yoga and then came home to find a hundred new pictures of Rumer Willis at the House Bunny premiere on a photo service. And you know what? I felt not a tinge of hatred. I am relaxed and at peace with the world. I have nothing mean to say about Rumer right now. I have nothing mean to say about Ashton. I have nothing mean to say about Demi Moore. And there are like a million mean things to say about why Bruce Willis isn’t there, but I don’t feel like typing out any of them.
I think it’s sweet that there is obviously so much love and support in that family. This is a big day for Rumer and how wonderful that they can be there to cheer her on.
Look at me!
Don’t worry kids, this won’t last. Otherwise I’d be out of a job.
August 20, 2008 at 9:45 pm by Evil Beet
Katie Holmes is wearing normal jeans today as she leaves rehearsals for All My Sons.
But Katie still got the last laugh.
You see, she and co-star John Lithgow devised a plan. Katie was like, “Here’s the deal. I’ll wear something completely normal when I leave rehearsals today. However, you’ll leave immediately after me, so the paparazzi get you too, and you’ll be wearing something ridiculous, and that’ll blow their minds.” And John Lithgow thought about it, and then said, “Well, the props department has this one hat left over from Rent,” and Katie was like, “Perfect.”
August 20, 2008 at 9:02 pm by Evil Beet
Guess who’s having her third child? Angie Harmon! With Jason Sehorn! Who, by the way, I ran into in a parking garage in Beverly Hills once years ago, and we all three arrived at the valet station at the same time, and they were like “You go first” and based on that experience I am certain that they both love me very much. However, this is still boring.
Also, Tom Arnold does a lot of cocaine. Wait, what? That’s not news, you say? Oh, okay, well how about this: His third divorce was finalized on Wednesday. That’s not really news, either? Okay, last try: He has to pay this chick $15K/month for the next 25 months. Yeah, that’s right. Tom Arnold has $15K a month to spare. Now that’s news to me.
Still not entertained?
The picture above? Is of the drunk and newly un-engaged Shayne Lamas from The Bachelor. Later that night, she bent over a little too far and someone got a killer shot of her bare ass. It’s after the jump (and NSFW). Don’t say I never do anything nice for you.
August 20, 2008 at 8:53 pm by Evil Beet
Matt Damon’s wife is currently at a Florida hospital preparing to give birth.
Matt has been spotted pacing the halls in scrubs.
The couple currently have a 2-year-old daughter together, and this baby is expected to be a girl, too.
Good luck and congratulations to the happy parents!
Update: The little girl, Gia Zavala, has been born and everyone is doing well! Congrats!
August 20, 2008 at 1:39 pm by Evil Beet
Uhhhh … okay.
Um, out of nowhere, we learn that Ricky Martin is the father of twin boys, to whom a surrogate gave birth. Nobody is talking about who this surrogate is, or who the mother is, or really what the fuck is going on here. You know Ricky called some overseas sex trade agency asking them to send over two young boys, and when they finally arrived, he was all like, “Shit, dude, I didn’t mean that young. How the fuck am I going to explain this?”
Says Ricky’s rep: “The children, delivered via gestational surrogacy, are healthy and already under Ricky’s full-time care. Ricky is elated to begin this new chapter in his life as a parent and will be spending the remainder of the year out of the public spotlight in order to spend time with his children.”
Oh, okay, never mind. Ricky was actually just looking for a reasonable explanation for why he’s out of the spotlight. Um, Rickster? You’re about seven years late with that, buddy.
Good luck to Ricky — and to those boys!