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33A Holiday Gift For All Evil Beet Readers

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Amy Winehouse.  Topless here.  You’re very, very welcome.  And I think this goes without saying but just in case you’ve hit the nog a little too hard this season,  NSFW.

Oh, and funniest quote ever from the accompanying News of the World article:  “Amy just whipped off her top and dived in to the sea without a care in the world. She was looking a better than she has for a while. A bit of sun is just what she needs.”  Yeah, a tan.  That’s what she needs.  Why didn’t I think of that?  

Can we think of some things to add to the list of Just What Amy Winehouse needs?  I’ll start:  1)  teeth.

December 21, 2008 at 9:28 am by Wendie

28Gwen Stefani Could No Doubt Use Some Sun

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I’m well aware of the fact that I am the only person in the world that isn’t impressed by Gwen Stefani.  Not her fashion, face or vocals.  What else is new?  I’m used to having an unpopular opinion.  It feels natural at this point in my life.  Please.  Don’t one person say that they think Gwen is a mediocre singer who dresses funny and needs to abandon the geisha makeup racket she’s had going on for the past decade plus.  I can’t handle that kind of anarchy.

So this picture comes across my computer and what is the first thing my eyes and mind fixate on?  The fabric of that coat will be ruined because of the idiot that put an inventory sensor on it.  Those tags destroy shit.  Just ask Winona Ryder.

Gwen with a tufted trench coat that I actually don’t hate.

December 21, 2008 at 9:01 am by Wendie
Filed Under: Gwen Stefani

15Crisstmas Angel and Holly Are Back At It For The Holidays

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I haven’t heard too much about Criss Angel and Holly Madison lately and I must admit, I was enjoying the respite.  They were everywhere and then nowhere.  By the sounds of it, they’ve been locked in a hotel room. 

People asked Criss and Holly what they wanted for the holidays and their birthdays (December 19th and 23rd, respectively) this year.

Criss said “I don’t want anything for Christmas.  I just want Holly, love, health and happiness, and I have all of those things.  I’m hoping Holly will just put a bow in her head and that will be my present.”   Man, she got off cheap.

Holly, turning to Criss, replied “I just want you.  I’m in love and I’m so happy.”   Looks like they got each other the same thing.

Romantic, huh?

December 21, 2008 at 5:19 am by Wendie

18We Interrupt This Program to Bring You SNOW!!!

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Hi guys! Beet here! We’re taking a brief break from celeb gossip for me to talk about SNOW.

You basically never see pics or video of Leo on here any more, because I save those for my personal blog, Sasha Is a Monster. But I just had to post a link here because we are having a CA-RAZY snowstorm here in the Northwest today, and I’ve posted a ton of pics and video and me and Leo playing in the snow on Sasha Is a Monster. I know that this is not exciting to people who live in snowy climates, but it is EXCEPTIONALLY exciting to me, having grown up in Arizona and SoCal, and so I know plenty of you will find it exciting, too. If you’re in a warmer climate and want to check out some CHRISTMAS SNOW, there are pics and video here and here. ENJOY!

December 21, 2008 at 1:07 am by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Uncategorized

37How Long Until He Has a Red String on His Wrist and Gives Up Dairy?

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Page Six has identified male model Jesus Luz as Madonna’s newest conquest.  Don’t you appreciate that I didn’t call him “boy toy”?  Because seriously, almost every article I’ve read about this hook-up calls him that.  I won’t call her “Material Girl” either.  They met while doing a W magazine photo shoot.  A source said “Everyone knows they are ficando- which is a Portuguese expression that means they are kissing and doing other things but without any obligation of being faithful or getting into a relationship afterwards.”  I never knew this job would require so much Portuguese translating but the English word for “ficando” is “fucking”.  I wonder how A-Rod feels about this.

In other news, as Madonna continued the interminable Sticky & Sweet tour in Sao Paolo, she supposedly started crying  when many of her fans sang Evita songs to her.  She probably didn’t emote that much writing out a $80M check to Guy.  But masses of people singing their adoration for her to her?  Floods of soy-based tears.

December 20, 2008 at 7:53 pm by Wendie
Filed Under: Madonna

17Has K-Fed Found The Mother of His Next Baby?

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This could be her.  Sources say K-Fed was drinking Patron with volleyball player Victoria Prince for hours last night at Tao Las Vegas.  Talking and drinking.  In other words, it’s serious.

Prince attends the University of Hawaii and she’s some big-time volleyball celeb there.  She’s 26 so I don’t know if she’s on the eight year program or what.  From the looks of it, she’s perfect for the single and unemployed father of four.

Hearing about this possible match got me to thinking about K-Fed.  Translation:  I’m in a bad place in my mind and it needs to stop snowing.  Forty-eight more hours of this shit could result in me buying Beyonce MP3s.  It’s that bad.  So, I was thinking of Kev and made the mistake of watching his old Popozao clip on YouTube.  Now I can’t stop with the hand motions…cannot stop.  The things I tolerate for this gig.  Anyway, if they had kids, can you imagine the IQ?  I’ll take 50-75 points.

In conclusion, Brit is going to go on a Velveeta grits bender when she hears the news.  Brit, don’t be sad.  When you feel blue, watch the Popozao video and remember that “popozao” translates to “big ass” in Portuguese.  That’s not a coincidence.

December 20, 2008 at 7:02 pm by Wendie
Filed Under: Kevin Federline