Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Where Did Kim Cattrall’s Tits Go?

Didn’t she used to have breasts?

Where did they go?

Maybe her bracelet scared them away.

At a party celebrating her cover of Hamptons magazine.

MMMPop!

Zac Hanson’s wife, Kate, had the couple’s first baby on Tuesday, a son named John Ira Shepherd Hanson.

And I don’t really care at all, but I thought up that headline like a year ago and I’ve been waiting for a chance to use it. I knew one of those shaggy-haired people would sire another child eventually.

Zac’s only 22. The middle Hanson, Taylor, at age 25, already has three fucking kids. And Isaac’s expecting his second kiddo next month.

And just for nostalgia, here’s the MMMBop video.

Seriously, Though, Where’s Paris?

Paris’s mom Kathy and her aunt, Kyle Richards, appeared at a Chanel event on Thursday.

But … NO PARIS!!!

Where IS she???

(Oral herpes. Oral herpes. Oral herpes.)

Where the Hell Is Paris?

Benji Madden was at the MTV Style Lounge in LA on Thursday, but Paris?

Was nowhere to be found.

It’s now been over a week since we’ve seen a photo of her. I’m fairly certain that’s a record.

Three words, kids: Oral. Herpes. Outbreak.

Mark my words.

Melissa Joan Hart to Star in Potty Training Video

Dude, how awesome would it be if this video was about potty training Melissa Joan Hart?

And they could market it to those fetishists who are all about getting crapped on?

Please, please, please someone do that spoof.

Nah, the actress is going to star in a potty training DVD for Kimberly-Clark, the makers of Pull-Ups training pants. Kimberly-Clark will be distributing the DVD for June Potty Training Awareness Month (????) and inviting people to follow Melissa’s progress in potty training son Mason through an online journal and video diary at Pull-Ups.com.

“When Mason first showed signs that he was ready to use the potty, my husband and I were really excited and — more than anything — proud,” Hart said in a statement. “Potty training is one of the first times I’ll be able to act as a teacher to my son, and that adds a little pressure. I’ve teamed up with the Pull-Ups brand to share my experience and learn from their expertise and resources, which I hope will inspire other parents and let them know they aren’t alone if they have questions.”

Hey, remember when Melissa Joan Hart was a famous actress?

No, me neither.

Uh, Christina? This Has to Stop.

Once again, Christina Aguilera was spotted stumbling out of a Hollywood hot spot. The new mom needed two people to help her walk from the Hotel Bel Air to her car.

Like, Christina? This is fine once in awhile, but it’s becoming a pretty regular occurrence, sweetie, and that’s not good for a new mom. Have you seen Nicole Richie out drunk even once since she had her kid on like the exact same day you had yours? No, you haven’t. And I cannot fucking believe I am telling someone to take maturity cues from Nicole Richie, but, yeah. That’s what I’m doing. That’s what it’s come to, Christina. Cut this out, girl. It makes you look awful.