Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Who Are You and What Have You Done with Jena Malone?

The one-time ingenue hit up the premiere of Tropic Thunder be-mohawked and in combat boots, and holding hands with her Ruins co-star Laura Ramsey.

We get it, Jena.

You’re hardcore. You spit in the face of authority. You totally march to the beat of your own drummer. Nobody tells you what to do. You are a free spirit.

We know because of the combat boots and the mohawk.

That’s nice, dear.

Yummy!

Here’s the video of a teenager in Ohio who decided to celebrate his birthday by taking a bath in the Burger King utility sink.

The young man was a Burger King employee, but isn’t anymore, as they totally canned his ass.

Officials learned of the video after a tipster sent it to Greene County Health Commissioner Mark McDonnell.

McDonnell said, “Any bacteria on his skin could have been deposited, giving people food poisoning.”

Ew, ew, ew.

The worst part is, this is totally not anywhere near the worst thing a fast food employee has done to your food at some point in your life.

Isaac Hayes Died of a Stroke

The Sheriff’s Department announced on Tuesday that soul singer Isaac Hayes, who passed away on Sunday, probably died of a stroke.

Hayes had recently finished work on the upcoming movie Soul Men, in which he played himself. The movie also stars Samuel Jackson and Bernie Mac, who died on Saturday.

If I were Samuel Jackson, I’d be taking real good care of myself right now.

James Franco Is Hot

Here’s a little pick-me-up for those of you who are in crappy moods like I am: the James Franco photo spread from his new interview in GQ.

HOTNESS. Now if we could only get a shot of him climbing out of the pool in a Speedo, Phelps-style. That’s what I need today. James Franco pubic bones. That is what I need today.

And Gawker made the inevitable is-James-Franco-the-new-Heath-Ledger call, and noted that their GQ covers look oddly similar:

If you’re one of those readery types, the full interview is here.

China Kind of Sucks a Little Bit

We all know the Chinese are putting forth a huge effort to look good on the world stage during this Olympics … but is it possible they’re trying too hard?

First of all, everyone seems to be in agreement that the Chinese gymnastics team is composed almost entirely of 12- and 13-year-olds with passports forged to make them appear 16. Shadiness.

Then, earlier today came news that the adorable Chinese girl singing beautifully at the opening ceremony was actually lip-synching. The actual little girl who sang was considered not to be pretty enough.

“The main consideration was the national interest. The child on the screen should be flawless in image, in her internal feelings and in her expression,” says Chen Qigang [the Chinese musical director of the show].

The musical director says it was a “last-minute decision, a choice we had to make” to swap out the singer.

“Our rehearsals had already been vetted several times – they were all very strict,” he says. “When we had the dress rehearsals, there were spectators from various divisions, including above all a member of the politburo who gave us his verdict: we had to make the swap.”

Despite her young age, Yang Peiyi is said to have been a good sport about the situation, reputedly declaring, “I am proud to have been chosen to sing at all.”

Heh. You know little 7-year-old Peiyi’s concerns have been assuaged with promises that she’ll be allowed to compete with the Chinese national gymnastics team at the London Olympics in 2012. After all, she’ll be 11 by then.

And now comes news that Chinese journalists have been censored in their coverage of the murder of the father-in-law of the U.S. men’s volleyball team.

Several Chinese reporters had their notebooks and at least one tape recorder confiscated after a news conference held by the US men’s volleyball team …

The players had been discussing the impact of the murder on them. The victim was the father-in-law of team coach Hugh McCutcheon and the father of former national team member Elisabeth McCutcheon.

Such removal of notebooks and equipment is a common occurrence for Chinese journalists covering protests or other undesirable activities, but it is the first time this has happened at an Olympic venue. Earlier, reporters covering a small protest in Tiananmen Square by pro-Tibet US Christians were manhandled by plainclothes police who tried to take away microphones and notebooks.

Hey, China, this kind of shit is not helping your image at all.

Protesting as Promised

Like they said they would, disability groups protested outside the LA premiere of Tropic Thunder on Monday. They’re upset with the film for its use of the word “retard,” which they consider to be hate speech.

DreamWorks has reportedly made changes to its trailers in response to the controversy, but so far there’s no indication that they will make changes to the actual film.