Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Dane Cook’s Dog Is Like Leo

Dane Cook is going to trial. But not on charges of awful, awful comedy. No, he’s going to trial because his landlord is trying to evict him because his dog shits everywhere.

Jury selection was today.

Apparently the questions Dane’s lawyer asked to the jurors included the following:

- What’s worse: Stepping in gum or stepping in dog poop?
- If you live next to a park and saw dog poop, would you avoid that park?
- Would you confront someone about spitting out gum on the sidewalk or not picking up dog poop in a public place?
- Would you confront a neighbor about picking up after their dog?

Hm.

Leo doesn’t really have a problem with pooping on public property, but he definitely pees everywhere. Because he’s so little, when he gets excited — like if someone is playing with him — he just can’t help himself and he piddles all over them. Luckily my landlord thinks Leo is adorable and would never evict him for peeing. Which is good because he’s done it in their office like five times, including the day I signed my lease. It’s their own fault though because they always play with him when he comes into the office. I warn them that he’s going to pee, but they don’t stop. So if they ever try to evict me on charges of Leo peeing, I’m going to tell that to the judge.

It’s Here! It’s Here! It’s Here! The Ali Lohan Single!

People.com has a first listen to Ali Lohan’s single, “All the Way Around.”

Listen to it here.

Ali says she’s different from Miley Cyrus: “She’s really good. But I have different music than her. It’s a different vibe – it’s definitely a different vibe. Mine is more hip-hop. Kind of like Rihanna.”

Sigh.

Somewhere, Rihanna is rolling her eyes.

The only difference between Ali and Miley is that Ali’s single is actually more treacly than Miley’s stuff.

Nothing original whatsoever about this.

In fairness, she’s 14, but I just don’t see a career for her unless she starts getting out of cars without wearing underwear. And I can’t even run those pics for a few more years, so she should just finish high school and try this again when she can legally “leak” nude pics of herself.

A New Man for Chloe?

Eh, maybe, maybe not.

Chloe Sevigny showed up on the red carpet for the LA premiere of Generation Kill holding hands with actor James Ransone.

A budding romance?

Or a dumb publicity stunt?

Regardless, Chloe looks slightly less than totally ridiculous in whatever she’s wearing, and I’m just grateful for that.

What Are My Animals Doing?

Very important question.

So Max (my big male cat) and Leo (my little male dog) have this little game they play, where Max pins Leo down and then starts biting on his neck, vampire-style. Like, Max opens his mouth wide and sinks his teeth into Leo’s neck and just keeps them there. To the point where I find myself vaguely concerned that Max is going to give Leo a hicky. This behavior has gone on for several days. Leo doesn’t seem to mind — sometimes he swats a little at Max, but mostly he just stays very still and, when Max lets go, he jumps up to play again. I have tried to get photos but I’m never near a camera when they do it. Does anyone know what this behavior indicates? I’ve never seen a cat do this to another animal before. Max also sometimes bites Leo’s ears. Leo does mind this, and he squeals, and then Max realizes he’s crossed a line and stops.

But Leo seems to have developed an allegiance to Max. When Max and Josie (the girl cat) were in a brawl earlier today (a serious hissing brawl — the two of them are in a love triangle with Ashley that’s been causing problems for years, long story), Leo jumped up, barked, and ran to Max’s side, then circled him to make sure he was okay. It was very sweet.

Oh, and here are the first pics of Jamie Lynn Spears’ baby.