Today's Evil Beet Gossip

I Will Watch Guido Beach

The kids at The Dirty tagged along on a casting call for a new show called Guido Beach, I guess about life on the Jersey Shore.

Please, Lord, let this show get made. Every second of these seven minutes is hilarious and amazing. I encourage you to watch the entire clip. I was fascinated. It’s like a whole different species of person. At the very least, it is a subculture with which I am entirely unfamiliar, and it intrigues me.

[via DListed]

90210v2.0: The First Cast Photo

Here’s the first cast photo of the new 90210, which will premiere at some point on some network.

The guy standing next to Lori Loughlin looks constipated.

You guys, is it just me, or is this show doomed to total, complete, embarrassing failure? It’s been WAY too hyped up at this point, and it’s just going to end up being another one of those stupid teen dramas that lasts half a season and then gets canned because it’s boring and no one cares. 90210 had a magic that cannot be recaptured. Every time I see new hype for this show, I just shake my head and think “Man, this is all going to be so mortifying for them in retrospect.”

Jodie Sweetin Has Decided to Throw Her Marriage Away

Yes, it’s true.

Her meth addiction destroyed her first marriage.

And her reality TV show will destroy her second.

Jodie and second husband Cody Herpin have decided to move forward on a reality TV show about their lives with their new baby girl.

“We’re going to start shooting in a couple months,” she said. “We are in talks with a couple of networks right now. We have one picked out, but nothing is signed yet.”

As to why she’s doing it?

“I think it’s sort of a fun way to show the other side of celebrity and a sort of semi-normal life,” she says.

Translation: “Maybe now I can be famous for something other than my meth addiction.”

Good luck with this, Stephanie Tanner.

Lance Armstrong Dumped Kate Hudson Because She Was Too Desperate

The Chicago Sun-Times — which broke the news of Kate and Lance’s split — is now reporting that Lance dumped Kate because she was too clingy and needy.

Seems the Tour de France champ and cancer survival poster boy was feeling a bit ”smothered” by the actress. According to an Armstrong associate at his Livestrong charity foundation, the sports hero felt Hudson was ”just too needy,” and was coming on ”too strong, too fast … sensing Kate was way too desperate, a woman who clearly can’t be on her own without a man in her life at all times.”

One thing Armstrong reportedly liked about ex-girlfriend Sheryl Crow — and one reason that relationship lasted as long as it did — was that ”Sheryl’s one very independent woman. … Lance liked that,” said the source.

And what did Kate do after the split?

She ran back to her ex-boyfriend!

Take a year and figure out who the hell YOU are, Kate!

Hilton Clan None Too Pleased with McCain’s Decision to Involve Paris Hilton In His Presidential Ad

[Disclaimer: Before you get mad at me for "taking sides" in any form of voting that will not take place on a reality TV show, please read this.]

We’ve mentioned previously that the Hilton camp can’t be particularly thrilled that they donated money to the McCain campaign, only to see Barack Obama unfavorably compared to Paris in his most recent campaign ad.

Now comes confirmation from a flurry of political blogs.

I hear whispers from the inner campaign staff that the phone was burning off the hook today with calls from Paris Hilton’s grandfather, William Barron Hilton (co-chair of the Hilton Hotel empire), furious that the McCain ad drew an unflattering comparison between Obama and his own granddaughter.

It seems that the elder Hilton has donated $18,400 to the McCain campaign, and $35,000 to the National Republican Senatorial Committee in the last couple of years. (Paris’s father, Rick Hilton, has given an additional $6,900 to the McCain campaign. Suffice it to say, he’s none too pleased either.)

Apparently, the elder Hiltons had breathed a sigh of relief that Paris was starting to get her act together since hitting rock bottom with her stay in jail last year, when all of a sudden the McCain ad compares her unfavorably to Britney Spears and Barack Obama.

I suspect that heads will roll at the McCain headquarters – if not within the staff, then I wouldn’t be surprised if Steve Schmidt starts looking for a new consulting firm for the next round of ads. This is a reminder to my brethren at the Campaign: don’t bite the hand that feeds us.

Paris Hilton isn’t just a tabloid tart to be tossed around willy-nilly. She’s the living brand name of one of America’s most successful global corporations. It’s no wonder her grandfather’s upset: every time Paris is in the news, fewer people stay at their hotels. Try explaining that to The Blackstone Group – the hedge fund firm that bought into Hilton Hotels last year. Blackstone chairman Peter G. Peterson gave $30,800 to the McCain campaign this year. Guess who also called the campaign today?

Do you hear that, America? Paris Hilton may stand for being tossed around willy-nilly, as long as she’s drunk, naked and being filmed by a millionaire playboy, but under any other circumstances it is totally inappropriate.

Britney Spears, however?

You can do whatever you want to her. I mean, what are you gonna do, force Jamie Spears’ catering business into the ground? Oh, right, he already had to quit that to become a full-time parent to his 26-year-old daughter.

An Important Message for Katie Holmes

Dressing like it’s 1992 will not, in fact, actually make it 1992 again.

It’s 2008, and you married Tom Cruise, and nothing you do can ever change that.

I’m so sorry, sweetheart.

Here’s Katie leaving rehearsals for her Broadway debut in the revival of All My Sons, which is having some trouble selling tickets.

Here’s my theory: Katie spent the night at her secret lover’s penthouse (Eliot Spitzer? Maybe.) and didn’t have clean clothes to wear the next day, so she slipped on a pair of his jeans and decided to act like she’s bringing back an old trend. Smooth, Katie. Very, very smooth. But not smooth enough for me!

[Image via Splash]

Getting Hitched!

Congrats to 25-year-old Heather Matarazzo, who just got engaged to her girlfriend, Carolyn Murphy.

“It was really cute. First Heather proposed to Carolyn, then Carolyn proposed to her,” said Heather’s publicist. She says it was “it was love at first sight” for the twosome, who have been together over a year.

That’s an eternity in Hollywood years!

Congrats to Heather and Carolyn!