Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Kate Hudson’s Ex-Husband and Current Boyfriend Manage to Be in the Same Space Without Punching Each Other Out

And it’s news!

Kate Hudson’s apparently been dragging her kid from her marriage to Chris Robinson, Ryder, to a tennis camp with Lance Armstrong’s kids, and Chris and Lance were both at the camp the other day, and no one punched anyone out, so it’s important we write about it.

Says a source: “They’re like one big happy family. They were just like two guys hanging out being totally cool with each other. If you didn’t know the backstory, you would think they were just good pals.”

Oh, and as further proof, when Ryder hit a forehand, “they both cheered.”

Seriously? WHICH OF THEM DID YOU EXPECT WOULD BOO?

OMG when Kate’s busy they probably get drinks together and chat about the stock market. Opting not to make a scene in front of your child? Cheering at the tennis success of a toddler? Generally adult behavior? NEWSWORTHY!

Somehow I do not believe that Chris Robinson and Lance Armstrong consider themselves in any way “good pals.”

But it just cracks me up that two grown men have chosen to behave like two grown men when it’s in the best interest of their children, and, in the context of Hollywood, this is an important story. Congrats on being adults, Chris and Lance!

Porn Star in the Making!

Somebody call the Bunny Ranch!!!!

This little girl has “cash cow” written all over her. (I mean, once she’s an adult, of course.) Seriously I don’t think this child knows the depth of her talents. Forget Cirque du Soleil, kiddo! I’ll teach you how to make the REAL money with this skill. (Once you’re an adult, of course.)

The kids at Defamer call her “one part Cats, one part JonBenét Ramsey, and one part boneless chicken breast.” And that’s about right.

And speaking of JonBenet, new DNA tests have finally exonerated her parents in her murder. JonBenet would have been 18 this year. She was only 6 when she was murdered. In a way, the exoneration of her parents is almost scarier for me. I always thought, “Well, if they didn’t do it, then they know who did,” but it’s looking like that might not be the case. The poor child was probably killed by some stranger pedophile who stalked her after her beauty pageants, which is almost scarier than the thought that she was killed by her parents, because it’s more like “Oh, shit, this could happen to my kid.” They’re currently comparing the killer’s DNA to an expanding nationwide DNA bank. Hopefully they find this crazy jackass. I’m almost never in favor of the death penalty, but for this little fucker I’ll make an exception.

Not that You Care, But Ethan Hawke Got Married

He wed his kids’ nanny, Ryan Shawhughes, who he also knocked up. Apparently the super-secret ceremony took place three weeks ago in New York. It probably wasn’t even super-secret. They probably did it in the middle of Central Park at noon with huge balloons and skywriting. It just took three weeks for anyone to get around to writing a story about it.

I’m sure Uma Thurman is devastated. She’s probably crying her eyes out while she has dirty sex on a pile of money with her hottie gazillionaire fiance, Arpad Busson. UPGRADE!

Matthew McConaughey’s Baby Is a Less Valuable Human Being Than the Unborn Brangelina Twins

So everyone was all wetting their pants today about how OK! magazine is going to pay Matthew McConaughey $3M for the first photos of Baby Gravity Bong — aka Levi — including shots of his first Christmas.

Now comes news that the photos of the Brangelina twins are going to go for AT LEAST $16M. That’s where bidding is at right now. EVEN if you go with a per-capita average, Matthew McConaughey’s child is worth less than half of a single Brangelina tot. You know that kid’s going to spend the rest of his life trying to prove he’s just as good as a Jolie-Pitt.

Oh? And apparently another clause in the Brangelina deal is that the magazine who runs the photos cannot use the term “Brangelina.” Apparently Brangelina hates that term. WTF? Would you rather we have gone with Pittlie? Or we could shorten it further and just call you guys Pittle. And so that spell-check’s not always tagging it, how about we just spell it Piddle? Okay then. The Piddle Babies are on their way!

Pimping Her New Show!

In case you hadn’t heard, Brooke Hogan’s new VH1 reality show, Brooke Knows Best (which is appearing more and more accurate in the context of her immediate family), premieres on Sunday, so Brookey’s motivated to make the talk-show rounds and allow interviewers to gawk at her total shit-show of a family.

Up now: Access Hollywood.

Happy Birthday, Jessica Simpson!

Jessica Simpson made sure that the WireImage photographers were on-hand to capture all the fun of her 28th birthday at a bar in Calabasas. Tony Romo was, of course, present, and it appears he sang karaoke on the stage. Also there: sis Ashlee and Pete Wentz, and, for whatever reason, Vivica Fox.

Happy birthday, Jessica!

Oh, and this has nothing to do with anything, but I just wanted to tell you guys that I called my bank and disputed the charges from the tanning salon. They told me they would launch an investigation, and they temporarily refunded my money. They said the investigation could take up to 3 months, but when I explained the situation the guy seemed to agree that what they’d done was fucked up. So that’s good news, and thank you guys for all your encouragement to actually DO something about it!!!