Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Afternoon Delight

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Lindsay Lohan BAILED. [The Superficial]

Is this the hottest Leonardo DiCaprio‘s been in a decade? [Lainey Gossip]

What A-list actor’s new movie is a complete bomb? [Starpulse]

Verne Troyer goes bowling with a ball three times the size of his head. [TMZ]

Celebrity Bikini Bodies: GUESS WHO. [Socialite Life]

What Tina Turner looks like today. [Seriously OMG]

Check out Kelly Clarkson‘s new thang. [theBERRY]

Guy Ritchie wasted, embarrassing. [Celebslam]

20 Reasons Why Dogs Hate the Holidays. [The Frisky]

The 10 Least (and 5 Most) Surprising Registered Celebrity Republicans. [Pajiba]

Jennifer Aniston‘s rep claims she’s pregnant with triplets. [Cele|bitchy]

Karina Smirnoff wrecked her face. [I'm Not Obsessed]

Unbelievable new Dark Knight Rises details. [Huff Po]

The gift that Derek Jeter gives to all of his one-night stands. [Hollywood Dame]

Final thoughts on the Boardwalk Empire finale. [Lainey Gossip]

Quotables: Rooney Mara is Too Good for You and Too Good for Rape, Too

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“[Being on Law & Order: SVU] was so awful. So stupid. People are obsessed with that show. I don’t get it. Me and my boyfriend—although I don’t look old enough to have a boyfriend—went and beat up these fat people, and at the end of the show you find out that I used to be obese and I hate fat people. It’s ridiculous. Who would ever do that? Who would beat someone up because they’re fat? And as retribution, they sodomized her. I mean, I’ve been sodomized since the beginning of my career. I should have known then it would come full circle.”

Hm. So now, are we going to wait for RAINN to come forward and accuse Rooney Mara of making insensitive rape-tinged comments, or should we just save time and call her out right now on them? I know, I know. A lot of people still don’t even know who she is yet, but hey. Maybe this just means that they won’t be making a Nightmare on Elm Street reboot sequel. Would that be so bad?

Memo to the Kardashians: Barbara Walters is ONTO YOU.

Did you know that Barbara put the Kardashians (all of ‘em) on her Most Fascinating People list this year? Well, back when she made the list, she didn’t realize how “fascinating” (and by “fascinating,” I mean “crummy, turncoat moneygrubbers”) they were – at least until Kim’s marriage to Kris Humphries imploded for entertainment purposes.

Barb was a guest on Dave Letterman‘s show last night, where she talked about feeling hoodwinked by the tumultuous trio and realized that she couldn’t trust them. If you can’t view the above video, here’s the crux of Barbara’s comments:

“They [the Kardashians] were the first ones we interviewed [for the Most Fascinating List] and we did them in September. We said, anything going to happen? ‘No no no, you can do it now because nothing’s going to happen.’ Then Kim gets married. Then Kourtney gets pregnant. Then Khloe’s moving to Dallas. You cannot trust the Kardashians.”

I’m just surprised that someone as well-spoken and tactile as Barbara WALTERS only just now realized that you can’t trust those who shit where they eat. Christ.

Forget the Lion King – it’s the Kardashians who are dangling at the bottom of the food chain.