Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Sharon Stone’s Nipples Attend Elton John’s 17th Annual Academy Award Viewing Party

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Elton John’s yearly party is super exclusive and tough to get an invite to.  Having said that, I’m having a few “What the fuck,” moments.

What the fuck?  Simon Cowell and Terri Seymour are back together?

What the fuck?  What is that French’s Golden Mustard get-up Dita Von Teese wearing?

What the fuck?  Rachel Griffiths in head-to-toe grey flannel?  Is she fat or just pregnant?  Oh, she’s pregnant.  Still…that’s not right.

Bai Ling?  Just, what the fuck?

Ugh, I had more to say, but I looked at too many pictures of Posh and now I must sleep…can’t…keep…eyes…open.

More Oscar Red Carpet Uh…Beauty. And I’ll Eat A Spider If Angelina Jolie Wears A Color In The Next Thirty Days

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Oh, Sophia Loren, time is a thief.  However, in the right lighting, and with a little distance on her, still a beauty.

Miley Cyrus-  I need your opinions on this girl because I feel conflicted.  Part of me feels like her dress contains the collective amount of embellishments that she should wear over the course of her entire career.

Angelina Jolie wore a black draped Elie Saab, old lady hair and general smugness.  However…emeralds on her ears.  Yes, those were real emeralds.  Holy shit!  As an aside, did you see her gaily laughing when Jennifer Aniston was onstage doing an uncomfortable bit with Jack Black?  Fakest.  Ever.

I’ve included a close up of Amy Adams necklace to ensure that you get me the right one.  It’s important that you know, for as long as I remain with Evil Beet, my every review of Anne Hathaway apparel is going to be the same:  beautiful from the neck down.  Lisa Rinna and Amanda Seyfreid dressed straight from the 1991 prom collection and, speaking of old, Penelope Cruz wore a dress that was sixty-years-old.  For real.

I thought Marisa Tomei’s dress was lovely and my favorite, Beyonce, looked like a gilded knockwurst.  Queen Latifah had full-body scoliosis and Robin Wright Penn deserves a mention since her husband didn’t during his Best Actor acceptance speech.  And Jessica Biel.  Someone, anyone, tell me why she played any role at the Oscars.  This is a command, not a question.  Other than her scintillating role as Mary Camden in 7th Heaven, what has she done?  Okay, maybe she’s done a few things but still, she’s famous by injection, isn’t she?

Let’s Talk Dresses!

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Good Morning!  Did you watch the Oscars?  I did.  I thought Hugh Jackman did a great hosting job, the theater was beautiful and I will never understand one word that Penelope Cruz says.  I liked the new presentation format where former winners paid homage to the nominees.

Oh, and the dresses.  My initial morning after analysis of the Vanity Fair party dresses is as follows:

With the exception of Tilda Swinton who is expected to wear a disaster, the dresses were primarily pretty.  Trends included over-sized floppy bows and the color puce.

Sarah Jessica Parker wore a “barely mint” Dior that was beautiful but predictable.  Halle Berry-also expected.  The diagonal draping is great, but it’s time to try something new.  Claire Danes wrapped herself in a tablecloth and Madonna, with bulging biceps, looks weird in any dress.  Bryce Dallas Howard, Anna Paquin and Jessica Alba looked like they were headed to a wedding shower.  It’s the Oscars bitches!  If ever there was a time for overdressing, this is it.  Jada Pinkett drowned in her dress but Ginnifer Goodwin, undoubtedly wins for ugliest frock ever.  I thought Kate Winslet dressed older than her years and had senior hair.  Sheryl Crow’s dress had proportion issues that made her look pear shaped and Naomi Watts looked sensational for just having a baby but the dress…not flattering.  Gwen Stefani looked like a whisk broom and though I wasn’t in love with Amy Adams dress, I was mesmerized by her necklace.  Buy it for me?  Please?

What say you all?

The Oscars!!!

John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston at the Oscars Pictures Photos

Hey guys!

I just got back from a weekend of hanging out at Whistler in Vancouver — which is by far the coolest ski/snowboard place I have ever been to! — and I am freaking EXHAUSTED! I literally just walked in the door ten minutes ago, and I’m trying to piece together everything that happened tonight with the Oscars. So much to catch up on!

The full list of Oscar winners is here.

Discuss!

The Oscars Are Starting!

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So far they just have pics of the “tv personalities” up so I will leave the massive gown post to Beet or Wendie. In the meantime, here are some red carpet pics from last nights Pre-Oscar Dinner at Chateau Marmont. 

Angie Harmon = Gorilla Shoulders. ‘Nuff said. 

Jaime King = Shiny does not equal formal. This looks like one of Blanche Devereaux’ sexy time ensembles. Your hair looks very lush and nourished though. 

Debra Messing = Not everyone is blessed in the mammary region, which is fine, but in the space of one outfit you’ve taken away your waist and given yourself cankles thus making yourself a          rectangle in black tutu. Not good. 

Julianne Moore = Just Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. 

Although Dita Von Teese is giving magnificent face I think I will have to award best overall to Camilla Belle and her prodigious brows. Dita ruined it with the velvet shower curtain thing she’s wearing. 

As a Precursor to Tonight’s Awards

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Everyone’s been talking about this leaked Oscar Letter that supposedly lists all the winners. The Academy has completely denied the authenticity of the document, and claims that no such letter exists because letters are never sent to the Academy officers prior to the awards. Of course, if it were real, the only course of action for them to take is total denial…so we shall see. I’m usually more interested in the dresses than the actual awards, but I think Kate’s time has come. She’s recently announced that she will never show her glorious Mommy Body in the nude again. Everyone knows you gotta show the teats (or play some sort of conflicted monster) to get that Oscar gold and she did both this year.

If you’re planning on placing any bets there’s still time to make it to the bookie.