Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Lindsay Lohan Set To Appear On Ellen

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Guys, I’m really sorry about this Linds news every single day.  You know how I feel about her, but these stories just keep popping up and I’m afraid that if I don’t report them, Beet will punish me by making me watch a twenty-four hour-long compilation DVD of the works of Julia Roberts, or something as equally horrific.

Anyway, Ellen DeGeneres and wife Portia de Rossi, or Double De as they are affectionately called by me, attended the 20th Annual GLAAD Media Awards in which Ellen won Outstanding Talk Show Episode for the episode of Ellen that featured Ellen and Portia’s wedding.  Ellen told Access Hollywood, “We didn’t register, so this is nice. We get an award!”

She also let it be known that Lindsay Lohan is set to appear on Ellen.  “I’m excited. I want to hear what Lindsay has to say and [I] hope she gets back to her career.  She seems to be reaching out to people lately… I hope she’s OK… she’s so talented.  I’m going to ask her what’s going on and let her have a platform to speak.”

Can someone, anyone, please explain to me just how talented Lindsay Lohan is?  I’m not kidding right now, I’m open to learning.  What production, done within the last five years (because we cannot allow Linds to still be riding on the hair extensions coattails of Parent Trap), has Lindsay appeared in and been “so talented,”?  I respect Ellen a lot both as a human and as a comedienne so I’m sure she’s right and I’m just overlooking some body of work.  And if Lindsay was good in something, I really need to watch whatever it was so I can be more educated on this loved and hated girl.  Call it research for the job.

I’ve got two open slots on my Netflix queue right now.  Tell me what Lohan masterpiece I need to order up.  Go.

Quotables

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“I am a huge fan of Forever 21 and I’m very happy they have expanded their line to include a plus-size range, but I am not in that size category and this article makes it sound like I am! I am a curvy girl and I love my curves, but curvy and plus-sized are two very different things. I work really hard to maintain my curves while staying slim and healthy, so to be classed as a ‘fuller-figured woman’ of extra large proportions is a little offensive.  For the record, I am a size 2, not 2XL.”

Kim Kardashian, yet another member to join Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jessica Simpson in the Size Two Club,  blogging about how offensive she finds it to be called “fuller-figured” in the latest issue of Us Magazine.

Ebony And Ivory, Party Together In Perfect Harmony

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I love me some Rosie O’Donnell.  I was one of the seventy-three people that watched her variety show the night before Thanksgiving when I could have been making pumpkin pies instead, and didn’t totally hate it.  Well, I hated it but was willing to forgive and move on.  Until today.

Has Rosie finally made the transition from daytime talk-show host to full-time Oompah Loompah?  Was she confronted in a dark alley by a spray gun wielding Lindsay Lohan?  Is she trying to make a statement of support for our first African American president?  So.  Many.  Questions.  Last night she attended the 2009 Dramatists Guild Fund Annual Benefit Gala, also known as the 2009 Another Useless Excuse For Rich People To Gather Gala, and really lit up the room.  Well, her chiclets did, at least.

I realize white will always look starker against Coppertone SPF 0 skin dark colors.  But here’s the real question:  What is whiter?  Angela Lansbury or Rosie’s very own teeth?

Chris Brown And Rihanna Spent The Night Together. Of Course They Did.

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Source is everything.  If Star was reporting this, I’d be totally dismissive.  But paparazzi agency Bauer-Griffin, the people who make it their life to stalk celebrities, claim that Rihanna and Chris Brown spent the night together last week.

Shortly after arriving back to L.A. from Kansas… Rihanna went house mansion-hunting in the Hollywood Hills. The singer checked out several properties (many of which were in the $5 million price range).

Meeeeeeanwhile, Chris Brown had been holed up in the swanky Sofitel Hotel. But, Chris checked out to spend the night at Rihanna’s. Before heading her way, he hopped across the street to the Beverly Center where he picked up some Godiva chocolates.

Well, well, well.  On March 18th, 2009 at approximately 5:42 a.m. PST, didn’t I say that this break up story was a bunch of BS purposely crafted in hopes of saving the shreds of their compromised careers?  I.  Think.  I.  Did.

The Soloist Premiere

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My husband and I have been together over five years and have never been to the movies together.  It takes an act of God or Robert Downey, Jr. to get me to watch movies in a communal and over-air conditioned setting.  But this could be the weekend that I break rank and actually go to the movies.  Do you think they’ll let me bring in my Snuggie?

Last night was the premiere of The Soloist, a movie that sounds fascinating to me.  It’s a true story of a musician, played by Jamie Foxx, a prodigious violinist and cellist who starts suffering from schizophrenia while studying at Julliard.  He ends up becoming one of L.A.’s homeless.

So, yeah.  Totally putting on my bubblegum-dodging shoes and going to see this.

Beyond all the beautiful people at the screening last night (how is Halle Berry allowed to still look as amazing as she does?), Nathaniel Ayers, the man that the movie is based on, also attended.

You know who else was there?  Eva Pigford.  If you watch America’s Next Top Model, you’ll recognize her as the third season winner.  I was reading a little bit about her and she changed her name to Eva Marcille, but that never took because people already know her with the pig name.  Now she’s engaged to an actor-Lance Gross.  Obviously, Eva is just destined to have a horrible last name no matter what.

Selling Out Mary Carey

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Mary Carey, the porn-star-turned-gubernatorial-candidate-turned-rehabette on VH1′s Sober House, was spotted getting wasted and pole-dancing at JET Nightclub in The Mirage. Says a spy: “She was doing shot after shot but managed to hold onto her booze while working that pole like the pro that she is. She had a huge wardrobe malfunction in the underwear department. Every time she kicked her leg up in the air the nearby partiers got an up close view of her naughty bits.”

Now I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I hate hate HATE those VH1 shows about celebrities in rehab. The addiction to fame goes hand-in-hand with the addiction to alcohol and drugs, and you CANNOT effectively treat one while engaging the other. These shows do these people a huge disservice, and I think VH1 and especially Dr. Drew — who took the Hippocratic oath that begins “first, do no harm” — ought to be ashamed of themselves.

I’ll tell you what makes me even more upset: My “source” here is a PR agency. And it’s not Mary Carey’s PR agency. I’ll leave it as an exercise for the reader to guess who this PR firm represents. But the email was very clear: These photos and this story are NOT to be attributed back to the agency. They just want it to look like a leak. They want Mary Carey to get better soooo badly that they’re willing to totally throw her under the bus and alert the media when she slips up, as addicts are wont to do. Classy, folks. Real classy. Don’t watch this shit, people. They’re destroying lives.

The Craigslist Killer in Custody

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The much-talked-about Craigslist killer suspect is currently in custody, as of today, although police are refusing to release details about his identity. The man is suspecting of killing a woman in Boston last week after answering her ad for “massage” service on Craigslist. Authorities believe the case is connected to the attempted robbery Thursday in Rhode Island of an exotic dancer by a man responding to an ad she had posted on Craigslist.

I’m kind of surprised with all the attention surrounding this story — mostly, because I can’t believe it’s only happening now. With all the anonymous personal sex requests that go up on Craigslist every day (for a good laugh, check out their casual encounters section), how is it that we’re just now seeing people murdered as a result? It almost speaks to the goodness of humanity — it’s taken this many years for someone to use this hugely viable and anonymous medium to actually kill a total stranger. I think that’s odd. I thought serial killers were supposed to be tech-savvy; at least that’s what I’ve learned from the movies.

Over on our sister site, Zelda Lily, we have a discussion going on about this — we’re talking about stalkers in general, and our writer Sarah Spangenberg shares about her own frightening experience with a stranger-turned-stalker. Have your own story to tell? The thread is here.