Today's Evil Beet Gossip

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applegatesmoking

I’m thinking of something along the lines of, “I’m so glad Christina Applegate beat breast cancer so that she can start working on lung cancer.”

Smoking is a total bitch.  It’s completely addictive and I don’t underestimate the power nicotine wields over its victims.  I smoked for a couple of years but never felt the true need to smoke.  I would just get drunk and decide that smoking enhanced how fuckable I looked.  My twenties were fun.

But Applegate’s life was spared by early detection of breast cancer.  The woman is thirty-seven and has already undergone a double mastectomy.  Obviously she has a lot more living to do.  Christina, put down the frigging cancer sticks and respect this life, this second chance, that you’ve been gifted with.

Using Sprouts To Represent African American Hair Is Never A Good Idea

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Tampa Bay and Chicago area Walgreens have pulled Obama Chia off their shelves due to complaints that the product was objectionable.

I mentioned this newest Chia version on my own blog back in January.  You really don’t need a fortune teller’s license to know that some people are going to get pissed when our nation’s leader is memorialized in clay pottery and sprouts.

The Chia company’s president, Joseph Pedott-an extremely unattractive white dude, doesn’t see what the big fuss is about.  “Since when is an Afro racist?  Owners can trim Chia Obama’s hair to any length they want.”

The potted prez comes in a “Happy”  and “Determined” editions, comes with three seed packets, and is selling out in other areas.  And only twenty bucks!

Crass?  Tacky?  Racist?  Genius?

David Caruso Sued!

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CSI Miami star David Caruso has been slapped with a $1.2M lawsuit courtesy of his ex-girlfriend, Liza Marquez.  I sure wish I could slap David Caruso.

Court paperwork portrays Caruso as an emotionally abusive partner who wasn’t too interested in the two children he fathered with Marquez.  Apparently, the dude dumped his girlfriend two days after the birth of their second child.  And you know what?  I totally believe everything this woman is claiming.  David Caruso has always seemed like a douche squared, to me.

In addition to the cash, which was part of Caruso’s (alleged!) promise to support Marquez, she is also seeking a house that the actor committed to giving her.  May she get every penny.

Naomi Campbell Cleans Up Her Act

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After years of hucking Blackberries at anyone who crossed her, it seems that supermodel Naomi Campbell is focused on sobriety.  In a new interview with Giant magazine, the glamazon reflects, “There comes a point when it all catches up with you and you have to deal with it. And that caused me to reassess myself and get real treatment for my anger and my addictions. Some people can handle a drink or a line of cocaine, but I’ve finally come to realize that for me, it’s all or nothing—and it has to be nothing.  I’m in The Program, and I’m proud to be.  I’m not able to drink alcohol. My body cannot handle it. The discipline of The Program has helped me in other parts of my day-to-day life…I wish I knew about it earlier, but I found out about it when I did, and life is good.”

Good for Naomi.  I’m glad the thirty-nine year-old has clarity and I hope she sticks with it.  Also, it would be great if she could give Lindsay a call.  And Lily.  And Amy.

Kanye West Wants To Be Uh, DOPER



There is no way that a girl like me should ever be utilizing the word “doper” but it’s Kanye West’s newest goal:  Doper-ness.

Last night’s South Park was a spoof on Kanye West’s under-developed sense of humor and his over-inflated ego.  I’ve posted three NSFW clips that give you the basic idea of what the episode is about; you can see it in its entirety here.  And now, Kanye has responded with a bit of humility on his blog.  Sadly, still not enough modesty to take the fucking caps lock off, but baby steps.

SOUTH PARK MURDERED ME LAST NIGHT AND IT’S PRETTY FUNNY. IT HURTS MY FEELINGS BUT WHAT CAN YOU EXPECT FROM SOUTH PARK! I ACTUALLY HAVE BEEN WORKING ON MY EGO THOUGH. HAVING THE CRAZY EGO IS PLAYED OUT AT THIS POINT IN MY LIFE AND CAREER. I USE TO USE IT TO BUILD UP MY ESTEEM WHEN NOBODY BELIEVED IN ME. NOW THAT PEOPLE DO BELIEVE AND SUPPORT MY MUSIC AND PRODUCTS THE BEST RESPONSE IS THANK YOU INSTEAD OF “I TOLD YOU SO!!!” IT’S COOL TO TALK SHIT WHEN YOU’RE RAPPING BUT NOT IN REAL LIFE. WHEN YOU MEET LITTLE WAYNE IN PERSON HE’S THE NICEST GUY FOR EXAMPLE. I JUST WANNA BE A DOPER PERSON WHICH STARTS WITH ME NOT ALWAYS TELLING PEOPLE HOW DOPE I THINK I AM. I NEED TO JUST GET PAST MYSELF. DROP THE BRAVADO AND JUST MAKE DOPE PRODUCT. EVERYTHING IS NOT THAT SERIOUS. AS LONG AS PEOPLE THINK I ACT LIKE A BITCH THIS TYPE OF SHIT WILL HAPPEN TO ME. I GOT A LONG ROAD AHEAD OF ME TO MAKE PEOPLE BELIEVE I’M NOT ACTUALLY A HUGE DOUCHE BUT I’M UP FOR THE CHALLENGE. I’M SURE THE WRITERS AT SOUTH PARK ARE REALLY NICE PEOPLE IN REAL LIFE. THANKS FOR TAKING THE TIME TO DRAW MY CREW. THAT WAS PRETTY FUNNY ALSO!! I’M SURE THERE’S GRAMMATICAL ERRORS IN THIS… THAT’S HOW YOU KNOW IT’S ME!

Stay tuned.  A kindler, gentler Kanye could be in the works.

Quotables

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“Hey Valentina, tell your mama she should give me a call

When she get tired of runnin’ after you down the hall

And she’s all worn out from those late-night feedings

and she’s ready for another rock and roll meeting.”

The subtle lyrics to Prince’s new song, “Valentina.”  Incidentally, Prince has obviously had a thing for Salma Hayek for quite awhile.  In his 2001 song “Liquid Dreams,” he sang, “Angelina Jolie’s lips to kiss in the dark, underneath Cindy C’s beauty mark.  When it comes to the test, well Tyra’s the best, and Salma Hayek brings the rest.”

Miley Cyrus: Dating Justin Gaston Is A Religious Experience

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Set your DVRs because Miley Cyrus is on The Rachael Ray Show tomorrow.  Can you imagine the cacophony of those two little squawkers?  Ugh.  Need.  Booze.

Miley shares that dating Justin Gaston has brought her closer to the Lord.  As in, “Oh God.  Oh, Lord, whatever you are doing, don’t…ever…stop…”

Just kidding, just kidding.  Miley would never talk during sex because she knows that her voice automatically thrusts erections around the world into the no-fly zone.

Seriously though, Cyrus told Ray, not Billy but Rachael, “I’ve never been closer to the Lord since I met him.  He’s really made me read my Bible.  He’s made me actually read the stories in the Bible-not the quick little verses-that not only help me, but show you how to help other people.”

In other words, she knows Justin Gaston biblically-which we already knew.

Other exciting parts of the taped segment include Miley talking about how she didn’t like Gaston initially, and that she is learning how to color her own hair for eight dollars instead of paying eight hundred dollars to have it done professionally.  Fascinating stuff.