Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Baby-Maker!

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Marley Shelton and her producer husband Beau Flynn (such a debonair name!) are expecting their first child. The baby is due this fall and the gender is still unknown. Yaaaaaaaaay Babies!

Congrats to the happy couple!

Russell Brand is My Hero (for the Day)

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Underneath all his swarthy, unwashed pirate swag Russell Brand is an intelligent, intuitive, incorrigible human being and for that I love him.

You see, Russell saw this supposed ‘autobiography’ put out by Miley Cyrus and he’s simply not having it.

 “Miley Cyrus?” the 33-year-old star said when he was informed about her tome. “She’s only been alive half an hour. What’s she going to say: ‘The womb was warm?’”

“It’s nice in there. There’s all sorts of fluids,” he continued criticizing Miley’s tome. “That’s not a book. I don’t buy it. It’s a very short story. Anything that’s been written by a sperm and an ovum–it’s too short.”

Now, Russell may be feeling extra critical towards other autobiographies because he’s in the process of putting together his own. But his autobiography talks about things like ‘how his father introduced him to prostitutes on a trip to Asia’ and ‘how he once got into a naked, drug-fueled brawl with a stripper’.  THOSE are the kinds of stories you need for a book about your life.

Who wants to read about bullies and sandwiches when you can have stripper fights and Asian hookers?

The New David Spade?

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Jamie Kennedy has been watching the Spadester (Hollywood’s Sneak Attack Stallion) and taking detailed notes. Much like David he’s channeled all his funny harmless man mojo into dating increasingly attractive women.

In the past he’s been linked to Paris Hilton, Mena Suvari, Christa Campbell, Heidi Mueller and now Jennifer Love Hewitt.

Yes, that’s Jennifer Love Just-Broke-Off-My-Engagement Hewitt. Now, knowing what we know about Jen’s dating history, she seems like she usually goes more for personality versus looks. Jamie, being the Spade student that he is, picked up on this and joked his way right into her prominent bosems.

I predict that Jen is just the latest summit in Kennedy’s climb to the top of ‘Unexpected Pairings Mountain’.

Caption This

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Mena Suvari and Christian Sirano at the USA Network’s “American Character: A Photographic Journey” Launch Event.

While we’re on the subject – how do we feel about Mena now that she has hair again? I kinda miss the bald look, but this naughty flight attendant wiggish thing isn’t half bad either….

This Really Makes Me Feel for Sarah Michelle Gellar

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You see, while SMG’s latest cinematic release was doomed to the depths of ‘straight-to-DVD’ hell, Fast and the Furious 4 got its very own red carpet premiere.

Granted, I’m pretty sure the Gellar flick was some random rip off of yet another Japanese horror movie, but even then I have a very hard time believing it wasn’t more worthy of the big screen than a film with the tagline “New Model. Original Parts.’ Luckily for Sarah she’s slated to return to TV soon with a much talked about HBO pilot in the works.

More pics of  Paul ‘I-like-’em-young-enough-to-still-smell-like-baby-powder’ Walker and the rest of the FF4 cast smiling for a paycheck below.

The Humans Are All Dead

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Anybody watching Flight of the Conchords? No? Alright.

Aaaaanyway, Lady GaGa performed last night. She seems more covered up than usual. I think that’s due to the addition of the fishnet pantyhose that she’s pretending are pants. Those sunglasses/S.W.A.T style facial shields are stupendous. Her costumes are almost enough to make me see the show, but if I see average flabby on the street wearing any of this ish I’ll track her down and make her take responsibility. America is not ready for Latex-wear run amuck in the general population. Trust me.

In attendance was recently rehabbed Kelly Osbourne. She was snapped with a “guest” whom does not really appear to be the sort of person one should associate with after completing a rehab program, but who knows.

Yep, Still 15

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Despite all physical evidence to the contrary, Taylor Momsen is just 15 years old.

Really.

When I was younger I always wondered why TV Execs insisted upon hiring 24 yr olds, tarting them up, and then trying to fool me into believing that they were my age. Now I understand. It’s way less despicable to turn a 24 year old into a vaguely inappropiately dressed teenage character than it is to take an actual teenager and turn her into…this.

And to think that this is the same girl that played Cindy Lou Who in How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Tsk.Tsk.