OK, I’m sure it’s a little funny to some of you and that’s fine, but you should know that it makes you a bad person. Look at Kendra Wilkinson! My big-breasted girlfriend was seen crying her pretty little eyes out as she left the Superbowl stadium yesterday after watching her husbo more or less lose the big game for his team. The hysterics seem like a bit much considering, you know, he lost the Superbowl and it’s a pretty big deal that he made it there in the first place, but you gotta love how supportive and loyal Kendra is. Also, it makes my uterus ache thinking about her little baby wrapped up in that blanket, too young to ever remember a day that his hot mom carried him out of a stadium crying after his father blew the biggest game of the year. They have to be the most perfect family ever. This gallery is like some modern-day Norman Rockwell shit minus the father and plus a lot of tears.
We thought it was done between Lindsay and Samantha, but that’s why we’re a bunch of idiots. Of course these two can keep their hands off of each other… except this time it’s less “heavy petting” and more “heavy beating”, if you know what I mean. If you don’t know what I mean, let me spell it out for you: These two broads have turned on each other and their relationship, according to sources, has gotten violent. From Radar:
“One time I saw her [Lindsay] and she had a large welt on her head,” the source told RadarOnline.com. “She told me that Sam beat the (bleep) out of her.
“She also said that Sam even punched and choked her one time.”
Yikes! And to add insult to injury (pun very much intended) these two crazy cats are living in the same building. If Lindsay’s bank account is in as much trouble as it’s rumored to be, Sam better be the one to make the move because I don’t think Lindsay even has the choice to go anywhere else. The source also told Radar:
“It’s so twisted. They’re not together, but they are,” said the source. “I never thought I’d ever say this, but I really do feel sorry for Lindsay. She is just lost. She’s alone. She has no friends to turn to.”
This is a seriously unhealthy situation for both parties. Last time I was in a relationship this tumultuous and immature, I know it would have gone on forever if it wasn’t time for me to go to college.
They’re too old for their families to control their lives and make them move on (although Samantha’s family has tried), but they’re probably so young that they can still handle this much drama and bullshit. What’s going to be the last straw for these two?
Sarah Silverman did a little interview with MTV this weekend and when they asked her about her opinion on marriage in a country where gay marriage doesn’t exists, Sarah went from funny to serious in a millisecond. What she had to say is transcribed here, although I would take a moment to watch her say it yourself if you can:
“Not only would I not get married, it actually actively bums me out that anyone who is for equal rights would get married right now. There’s nothing different between that and joining a country club that doesn’t allow blacks or Jews back then. Who needs to get married that bad that they’ll be a part of a club like that? This is embarrassing. It’s embarrassing.”
I know we talk about this issue a lot over here and well, everywhere, but when it’s said as plainly as this, you cannot hear it enough. We’re living in a country that’s treating homosexuals in the same abhorable way that blacks and Jews and Irish and whomever we decided we hated for a period in time were treated. That’s so fucked up. Something has to change because, like the reporter starts to say in the video, in 50 years we will all look back and be so ashamed that we lived in a country where this kind of exclusion and hatred was going on.
I don’t know who played in the Superbowl yesterday. I don’t know who did the halftime show. I know that chips were on sale at my grocery store and that I didn’t have to deal with any of the annoying men in my life for 24 whole hours. So that’s my “Superbowl round-up” for ya. Hope you loved it.
I did, however, make sure to note one of the important things that came out of the whole event: Brad and Angie went to the game together and they brought their son Maddox, so I’m guessing that they still don’t hate each other. In fact, they were seen snuggling in the stands and laughing and being lovey-dovey and all that crap that couples do when they care about “making it work”. The two were there to support New Orleans, whose team I have been informed via this People Magazine piece was playing yesterday. Obviously the town is important to Brad and the couple has spent a lot of time there since hurricane Katrina rebuilding and donating money to the community.
Check out these photos of Angelina arriving in Miami yesterday to watch the big game with her man:
In what represents an appropriate metaphor for his life in the last 6 months, Charlie Sheen’s vehicle went off a cliff early Friday morning.
The car’s On*Star system automatically notified emergency services when the crash occurred at around 3:45am somewhere off of Mulholland Drive. Sheen himself was then notified by phone because he wasn’t in the vehicle when it crashed. Or so the story goes…
The official story is that the car was stolen by persons unknown from Sheen’s driveway, and then crashed off a 400 foot embankment into some brush. Sheen states that he arrived at his home at 8:30 and was in bed by 10:30. He didn’t even know his car was missing until he received a call from On*Star.
I suppose a very skillful, stealthy car thief could have sneaked into (and then out of) his gated community, disabled the alarm, stolen his car without anyone noticing, and then had a fucking aneurism or something to make him run the car off a cliff.
The insane conspiracy theorist in me pictures a sauced Sheen having a doozy of a D.U.I. and calling a friend to quickly spirit him away from the scene before anyone was the wiser. But that theory doesn’t hold much water.
Three other cars were reportedly broken into in the same area that night and a Bentley was later found crashed off another embankment down the same road. There’s no indication that anyone was in either of the cars at the time, so this might just be the work of vandals who have something against either luxury vehicles or Two and a Half Men.
By now we’ve all seen Heidi Montag’s freakish metamorphosis-by virtue of 10 plastic surgery procedures in one day– into a realistic approximation of a human being with big tits and large lips. Fellow Hills cast member Kristin Cavallari recently revealed her opinion on the procedures, saying that she supports her friend’s decision to go under the knife. And under the knife. And under the knife. And under the knife. And under the knife….
“I think if she’s happy, it’s her body, she can do what she wants,” Kristin says. But then she turns right around and in the next breath sneers, “It freaks me out. There isn’t pressure to get plastic surgery in Hollywood. There is pressure to look a certain way but you can’t obsess about it. I’m lucky to have my family and good friends around me, and I know what’s really important.”
If you’re looking for something uplifting or inspiring, you’d best go read something else: you’ll find naught but bitterness here.
Bitterness because the fact that Jennifer Aniston is turning 41 makes me feel really, really old.
Bitterness because, at 41, she’s more attractive than my saggy 28 year old ass will ever be.
Bitterness because while I’m stuck here huddling under a blanket in the grips of Snowtorious B.I.G. 2010 with nothing but my flaky, white, winter-ravaged skin to keep me company, her tan ass is prancing around in a bikini in fucking Cabo with Gerard Butler, Courtney Cox, and Sheryl Crow.
Can you taste that?
It’s the acrid taint of deep, bitter jealousy. Crack me a beer and pass the buffalo chicken dip– I’ve only got 14 hours (of Superbowl pregame shows) to get this taste out of my mouth.
