“I love the smell of diapers; I even like when they’re wet and you smell them all warm liked a baked good. I love the smell of Balmex. Love it.”

Sarah Jessica Parker grossing me the fuck out in an Elle magazine interview in which she compares pee to brioche.

First of all, I’ve scrounged up a bunch of pics of Brit strolling around Australia with no bra on.  As always, you’re welcome.  If there was ever a question as to the importance of proper support, let these pictures be your forewarning.

Enough of that; here’s why I’m moving to Australia:  the Minister for Fair Trade of New South Wales wants to create some sort of disclaimer that informs patrons paying up to $1,300 a ticket to see Britney in concert that she’ll be, um, lip-synching.  You just know that B is all excited — “I’m gettin’ my own law y’all!”

“It is Britney’s ‘prerogative’ to lip-sync, and it is my job to make sure consumers know what they are paying for up front,” Judge said in a statement released by the government.

One idea is to require disclaimers on promotional materials and tickets indicating that portions of a show will be pre-recorded.

It’s no secret that many artists, including Spears, lip-sync at times during their elaborate stage shows. And this Australian initiative may not have much effect on interest in Spears tickets, given that many of the shows Down Under are already sold out.

“Personally I would rather see a live set from a local artist,” Judge said, “but I am sure Britney’s fans will be treated to a spectacular show.”

I’m a huge fan of Brit’s music and I’ll always be her cheerleader.  I think she’s made amazing strides to get her life back on track and once she starts wearing an underwire, I’ll be even more impressed with her accomplishments.  Putting that aside, she’s a singer.  I wouldn’t pay a thousand dollars for any concert ticket, but I wouldn’t pay twenty dollars for mime.

In Conan’s never-ending attempts to be funny, he did a bit last night that got huge laughs from the audience.  With musical backup, William Shatner did a poetry reading that was purportedly based on Levi Johnston’s Tweets.  Pearls of wisdom such as “Where can I get some weed?” and “What’s with all the taxi drivers that don’t speak English?  Is that a law?” read in Shatner’s dramatic fashion made for an entertaining skit.  Unfortunately, Conan and NBC didn’t do their homework — the Tweets are from a fake, non-verified Levi Johnston Twitter account.  And he’s pissed.

Johnston’s lawyer, Rex Butler is demanding a retraction from NBC, especially in regards to Conan’s disclaimer that the Tweets were “all real … we did not make this up.”  In all honestly, Levi should be angry.  After all, he wouldn’t want people to think that he’s stupid, now would he?

Good Morning America gets props for getting absolutely the most mileage out of a celebrity interview.  Ever.

Here’s part two of the Rihanna interview that aired this morning.  The singer shares more of the details of what actually happened, such as witnessing Chris Brown’s soulless, blacked out eyes as he beat her — on the night of the Grammys.  The entire, uninterrupted interview will air tonight on 20/20.

Aaaaand this is how you know you’re too famous.

The paps followed Madonna all the way to her NYC gynecologist today. At least that’s what they claim. But then they say they had Lourdes hail her a cab before she’d leave the building. Ummmm, why was Lourdes with her at the gynecologist? Or were they both at the gynecologist for Lourdes’ appointment? Or what if they were in the building for a different and less funny reason? SO MANY QUESTIONS! But I will tell you this: I would rather have my vagina surgically removed than have my mother come to my gynecologist appointment with me. Just saying.

The American Idol also-ran is back with a new album called Unbroken, due out in January, and here’s the video for the first single, “Had It All.” I have to admit, I’ve always been a Kat McPhee fan, and this is no exception. I like this single, and I absolutely love her voice. I also actually kind of like the video — even the short, platinum, last-decade haircut. It looks like she went through one of the Tyra Banks ANTM makeovers, but it works somehow. Your thoughts?

Band Hero promised to be a hit this holiday season.  The video game has sixty popular songs with avatars of the well-known artists and band members.  Unfortunately, the game allows the avatar that represents Gwen Stefani to “perform” other songs.

Basically, Gwen doesn’t want to be electronically singing songs that aren’t hers.  The lawsuit specifically states, “”Honky Tonk Woman … results in an unauthorized performance by the Gwen Stefani avatar in a male voice boasting about having sex with prostitutes.”  Wait — “Honky Tonk Woman” is about prostitutes?

An injunction was filed, requesting that all copies of the game be pulled off shelves which means there will be some sad little faces at my house on December 25th.  Merry Effing Christmas, Happy Effing Hannukah.  Boo, Gwen Stefani!  It’s a video game, chick.  It’s. Not. Real.