Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson are just as awkward naked as they are clothed

jamie dornan dakota johnson w mag

Book your tickets and stash an extra pair of underwear in your handbags, ladies, because Fifty Shades of Grey is hitting theatres this Saturday, just in time for Valentine’s Day. Because, you know, nothing says romance like a glorified tale of abusive man and a woman with no self-worth! Yahoo! Not to mention two actors who can’t stand each other and have zero chemistry!

Poor Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson they thought it’d just be some easy money and realized just a second too late that uh, you know, it’s probably the worst thing they could have ever done. Now they have to do interviews nonstop and be asked about their favourite sex positions and like, pose naked for magazines and actually simulate penetration, when it comes to W Magazine‘s March 2015 issue. Yikes.

More scans are behind the cut since many are NSFW, but frankly, they should be safe for work because they’re the most clinical, least sexy things I’ve ever seen. The one where they’re actually apparently having sex? I mean, the blank look on both of their faces would make any woman (with a brain) dry as a desert, but whatever. I particularly enjoy the second one, where Jamie’s face is the epitome of “Kill me now!”. Enjoy – and thanks to the Twitter follower who felt the need to watermark every one of their scans for scanning them to begin with.

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Uma Thurman looks different and people are freaking out about it

Uma Thurman

Uma Thurman has been keeping a low profile for the past couple of years and hasn’t been doing many public appearances. So when she turned up for the premiere of her new NBC series The Slap on Monday looking a bit different than we remembered her, people lost it.

What happened to Uma’s face? (Well… she got older?) Is she “unrecognizable”? (I don’t think so – I knew right away it was her.) Has she had work done? (Maybe, but why does that matter?) This is like Renee Zellweger all over again! (Yes, yes it is.)

Frankly, I just think, you know, it’s been a few years and she looks different. She still has wrinkles. She still looks like herself – what’s the big deal? Time did a little write up in which they asked a pretty important question: what’s an actress to do in these situations? Good point. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

Do you think Uma looks like herself?

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Pink gets naked for a new PETA ad

pink PETA

Pink is great, isn’t she? You don’t hear too much from her, and that’s probably for the best – it means she’s doing a great job as an entertainer and not acting out for press. She does, however, do some positive things – like her work for PETA. Now, I think PETA is a mess of an organization, and I’m certainly not vegetarian of vegan or anything, but I dig what Pink’s going for here.

Here’s what she told US Weekly:

“I’ve always felt that animals are the purest spirits in the world,” Pink exclusively told Us Weekly. “They don’t fake or hide their feelings, and they are the most loyal creatures on Earth.”

Pink admitted she’s worn fur before, regretting her decision.

“I would like to say I’ve always been fur-free,” the Grammy winner said.  “Unfortunately, I went through a selfish phase and wore fur on a couple of occasions. But I wised up and now boycott fur completely. I wish everyone was forced to learn the horrors that these animals go through for fashion trends. I hope fur wearers get bitten in the ass by the same kind of animal they wear on their back.”?

Well, that’s that. Lookin’ good, Pink!

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Jon Stewart is leaving ‘The Daily Show’ later this year

jon stewart

Aw, man. First we lost Colbert and now this bullshit? That’s right – it’s official: Jon Stewart will be leaving The Daily Show later in 2015. Comedy Central released a statement last night that made the internet go crazy (or, you know, crazier than usual) and made those who have watched and loved the show for so many years really, really sad.

daily show


It remains to be seen when exactly the last broadcast will be, but we’ll be saying goodbye to Stewart before 2015 is through. It really is a shame – without Colbert and Stewart, where will most millennial Americans get their snarky version of the news? Or, you know, the news at all? Will they actually start reading NEWSPAPERS? Is that still a thing?! (And yes, that’s sarcasm.)

It has been going for 16 years now (amazing!) so it’s only natural that Jon is probably ready to move onto the next phase of his life – perhaps full time writing/producing/directing of films? Who knows, but it’ll be awful to see him go.

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Kevin Hart will host the Comedy Central Justin Bieber roast

justin bieber kevin hart

Justin Bieber is probably going to rue the day he ever wished for his own Comedy Central roast, because Kevin Hart has just been announced as the host for the event. If you’re not familiar with Kevin, his stand up is some of the funniest out there, and he can be absolutely brutal when it comes to making fun of his fellow celebs. In other words, it’s going to be brilliant.

The roast will air on Comedy Central on March 30th and it’s sure to make great hate watching – as in, it’ll be great to watch if you hate Justin Bieber. The world still isn’t ready to forgive him for being a giant bag of dicks yet, so hopefully he can pay some dues during this special event. Let’s hope the roasters take no prisoners, either – it ain’t a roast unless JB goes home crying.

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Bruce Jenner is taking low dosage hormones

bruce jenner

I feel very conflicted about continuing to report on Bruce Jenner‘s gender identity – especially until he says something himself. I try to handle it with sensitivity, but this is a celebrity gossip blog and this is very big news in the eyes of the media, so here we are. Today’s story seems to be centered around the revelation that Bruce is taking a low dosage of hormones to grow breasts – news which came to light since he apparently told police this after his recent fatal car crash.

From Radar Online:

After passing field sobriety tests at the scene of the accident, Bruce voluntarily agreed to submit to a blood test at a local hospital as part of the investigation into the cause of the accident that left an elderly woman dead.

Los Angeles County Sheriff’s deputies accompanied Bruce to the hospital for the blood test. (He wasn’t taken into custody or arrested.)

During the blood draw, Bruce was asked if he was taking any medication and said that “he was taking very low dosage of hormones that his doctor had prescribed,” a source told “Bruce has nothing to hide, and was very cooperative with cops, and appreciated their professionalism.

“During the entire process Bruce was obviously very, very shocked and inquiring about the other victims — this has been a total nightmare for him, and Bruce is taking it very, very hard.”

Bruce had revealed to taking the hormones so he could grow breasts, to look more feminine before his planned gender reassignment surgery?, the source said.

Frankly, I’m not sure how the “source” found this one out – it’s such a bizarre story to leak and such an inconsequential part of the bigger story (which was, of course, about this fatal car crash). If it’s true, good for him – I’m happy that Bruce is finally coming into his own and is getting closer to being the person he has always known he is but wasn’t able to show on the outside. Also, Bruce Jenner needs new friends if the ones he has think selling stories to the press like this is cool.

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Will Smith lost his mind when no one went to see ‘After Earth’

after earth

Will Smith has done pretty well for himself, I’d say. An extremely successful TV and movie career that spans a few decades? Good going, dude. You’re rich! Life is good! But they can’t all be winners. Take his 2013 film After Earth, which starred Will and his crazy ass kid Jaden. That one sorta bombed at the box office, and its failure made Will nearly lost his damn mind.

From People:

“For me, this film really marks a transition in my life and emotionally and in my career,” Smith said Sunday during a press conference for Focus at The Four Seasons Hotel in Westlake Village, California.

“After the failure of After Earth, a thing got broken in my mind. I was like, ‘Oh, wow. I’m still alive. Oh, wow. Actually, I still am me, even though the movie didn’t open number one. Wait. I can still get hired on another movie.’ ”

“I realized that I still was a good person,” Smith, 46, said. “So when I went into Focus, I completely released the concept of goal orientation and got into path orientation. This moment, this second, these people, this interaction … It is a huge relief for me to not care whether or not Focus is number one or number 10 at the box office.”

Uh.. wow. I suppose Will’s story isn’t all that unique and I bet a bunch of Hollywood actors lose their minds when their films don’t do well – especially if you’re used to being super successful and are dealing with failure rarely. However, he needs to get a damn grip. Did After Earth‘s failure rally impact his life? He could still pay his bills (and the bills of half of California, I imagine), so he needs to chill.

After Earth just looked like it sucked, anyway. Can anyone confirm?

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