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0Who Is John Mayer Creeping on Now?

A photo of John Mayer

When I think of John Mayer creeping on someone, I think of Taylor Swift, natch. I mean, sure, she might have “really humiliated” him with that “Dear John” song she wrote about him, but let’s not forget that he got with her in the first place, and hey, that’s creepy. It’s not even that she was “too young to be messed with,” as she sings in the song, it’s that she’s Taylor Swift. There are some younger women who are smart and capable of handling themselves in mature relationships, even with older dudes, but then there are other younger women who think that “Prince Charming is just one castle away. And you’re gonna run across a field and meet each other in the middle and have an amazing, perfect movie kiss. And it’s gonna be happily ever after.” Guess which one Taylor is?

But we’re not here to talk about John Mayer and Taylor Swift, because that’s old, old news. No, we’re here to talk about what John Mayer desires right now. And who could that be?

Looks like lusty lothario John Mayer has set his sights on a new target after he was spotted flirting-up a storm with Jennifer Lawrence,RadarOnline.com is exclusively reporting.

And, what better way to woo a fair maiden than by dressing like Friar Tuck? John, Jennifer and a group of rowdy pals hit the Medieval Times in Los Angeles on Saturday night, each dressed in clothes straight out of 1350, but Mayer only had eyes for the Hunger Games hottie.

You could scarcely tell John’s body is a wonderland under his puffy shirt and knickers tucked into lace up boots, and Jennifer was the fairest of them all in her delicate bodice. John paid special attention to Hollywood’s latest ‘It’ Girl all night and she was clearly loving the attention!

“It was almost like she was a little nervous being around him. She kept giggling and covering her mouth. It was cute,” an eyewitness dishes.

“And John was eyeing up Jennifer like he was a dog and she was a juicy pork chop! When he lays on the charm he lays it on real thick!”

Of course John was busting out his best moves and impressing everyone with his famous wit. “He’s really well read so he kept using his knowledge of the medieval era to make puns and crack everyone up. He was even putting on an English accent at times and ordering ‘beer-eth.’ Jennifer thought he was a riot. It was like a freshman having a crush on the captain of the football team.”

Alas though, Mayer did not take his fair maiden that night, as he went out carousing with his cast of merry men at the Palihouse in West Hollywood after the jaunt.

But, another source recently spotted Jennifer shopping with John and Zooey Deschanel on trendy Melrose Avenue. “John could hardly take his eyes off Jennifer. It looked like he was totally smitten!

“At one point he was walking along behind her and massaging her shoulders.”

However, this could be one lady that won’t fall for the singer’s well-honed charms. Lawrence has been dating Nicholas Hoult, 22, for the past two years and according to reports the couple are “madly in love.”

Is it just me, or does it sound like this “source” is just really bad at reading people? Because I can see Jennifer Lawrence “giggling and covering her mouth” over John Mayer, but not because of any kind of crush. It seems like it would be more of an “oh my god, this guy is so embarrassing, how is this happening in real life?” type of move.

Either way, Jennifer’s current boyfriend, Nicholas Hoult, definitely beats John Mayer. No question. Right?

June 20, 2012 at 6:30 am by Emily

6Look, Daniel Radcliffe Did A Music Video Too!

Unlike Shia LaBeouf, however, Daniel Radcliffe did not appear naked in his music video. I would say “shucks,” but, as we all know, there is no mystery as to what Daniel Radcliffe’s penis looks like (thanks, Equus!).

No, in Daniel’s music video, a video for the song “Beginners” by a band called Slow Club, he just plays some wasted dude in a Hawaiian shirt. But man, he plays it beautifully. It always tickles me to see what a lovely little actor Daniel turned out to be, but sadly, in this case, he might be drawing on personal experience. Remember this quote?

“Seriously, in the last three years of drinking I blacked out nearly every time. Blacking out was my thing. ‘The drinking was unhealthy and damaging to my body and my social life. That’s beyond question. I was living in constant fear of who I’d meet, what I might have said to them, what I might have done with them, so I’d stay in my apartment for days and drink alone. I was a recluse at 20. It was pathetic – it wasn’t me. I’m a fun, polite person and it turned me into a rude bore. For a long time people were saying to me, ‘We think you have a problem’, but in the end I had to come to the realization myself.”

And just in case that didn’t make you want to give Daniel Radcliffe a hug, here’s some more sad news:

Daniel Radcliffe has revealed he suffers from a rare, agonising medical condition – cluster headaches.

The 22-year-old Harry Potter star was forced to cancel a number of professional commitments earlier this year because of the extreme pain caused by the headaches.

The condition causes intense pain on one side of the head and is experienced by just one per cent of the population.

“I was in the middle of these weird things called ‘cluster headaches’. It’s very rare evidently, but it’s exceptionally painful. It makes a migraine look quite tame,” Radcliffe has told The Independent newspaper in the UK.

“At the time I thought I was being a wuss. I was taking 12 (strong painkillers) a day and going, ‘Why do I still have a headache?’”

Can the universe give poor Daniel a break now, please?

June 20, 2012 at 5:30 am by Emily
Filed Under: Daniel Radcliffe

2And Here’s A Trailer for Octomom’s Porn

A photo of Nadya Suleman

I know, I know, when I showed you those stills from Nadya Suleman‘s porn last week, everyone got all bummed out. But look, I have to show you the trailer for it. I have to.

The trailer is safe for work in the sense that there’s no nudity, but it’s NSFW in the sense that your boss might not be cool with you checking out a video where Octomom mashes on her breasts for half a minute. Only you can decide what’s right for you, so I’ll just show you the video so you can make your own choice:

June 20, 2012 at 4:30 am by Emily
Filed Under: Nadya Suleman

2Guess the Celebrity Tattoo: The Twinsies! Edition

photo of bird tattoo pictures
So if you thought that this tattoo looked familiar, and remembered that you’d just seen it on Justin Bieber’s skinny-ass torso yesterday, you were right. Because it’s like the tattoos were done simultaneously. Don’t believe me? Here’s Justin Bieber’s:

photo of justin bieber pictures
All I want, though, is for someone to explain why people are getting tattoos of hollow birds on their bodies? Is this a thing? And if it is, I must have missed it, right? Because last I checked, I have no hollow bird tattoos on my body anywhere. What the hell does it all mean, guys? Commenter Hallie was kind enough to shed some light on the bird tattoo thing yesterday on the Justin Bieber thread:

Like all Justin’s tattoos, that seagull thing has religious undertones. It’s supposed to represent ‘Jonathan Livingston Seagull’ by Richard Bach – some book about a gull that represents God. WTF. I didn’t know he could read.

But I didn’t realize that this ‘Jonathan Livingston Seagull’ thing was a cult tattoo thing.

Jump in to find out who this particular bird belongs to.

(more…)

June 19, 2012 at 5:30 pm by Sarah

17Caption This: Last Week’s Winner and This Week’s Photo!

photo of pierce brosnan erection pictures
It’s time for another round of weekly winnings for the Evil Beet Caption This contests! Check it out, and if you’re the winner, I’ll be sending you an email to collect your mailing information in order to send your prize. Sure hope you registered with a valid email address!

We’ll be choosing the winner of the above photo next Tuesday, so tune in to find out who it is!

The winner on last week’s John Stamos photo: Levey
“Nice ‘fro, wanna see mine?”

First runner-up: James
“Stamos: so your like a fat?”

Second runner-up: Katherine
“John’s proposed tummy tuck was not adding to his I’m-not-gay-I-just-lived-with-two-other-guys-for-eight-years look.”

Congrats to Levey! As for the rest of you, get commenting if you want to win some free crap!

June 19, 2012 at 4:30 pm by Sarah
Filed Under: Caption This

8EXCLUSIVE PHOTO: Angelina Jolie as Maleficent

photo of angelina jolie maleficent pics
Yay! It’s the first photo of Angelina as the evil Maleficent! Could it be cooler? No. I don’t think it could.

In a recent interview with Entertainment Weekly, Angelina talks about the role and claims that her kids love the horns (because really. Who wouldn’t?:

What’s next for you as an actor?
The next thing I’m doing is Maleficent for Disney. I start it in June, and it’s a really great script. I’m having a lot of fun. I’ve already got my horns fitted. My kids are very happy.

In this version, Sleeping Beauty is the nemesis instead of the good guy?
It’s not anti-princess, but it’s the first time they’re looking at this epic woman.

Is it sympathetic to her, or is she a straight-up villain?
It’s both. I hope in the end you see a woman who is capable of being many things, and just because she protects herself and is aggressive, it doesn’t mean she can’t have other [warmer] qualities. You have to figure out the puzzle of what she is.

So there are some redeeming qualities to Maleficent the witch?
It sounds really crazy to say that there will be something that’s good for young girls in this, because it sounds like you’re saying they should be a villain. [Maleficent] is actually a great person. But she’s not perfect. She’s far from perfect.

There’s a tradition of taking a classic character who is a villain and telling the story from his or her perspective. John Gardner did it with the 1971 novel Grendel, and more recently we got the witch’s story in Gregory Maguire’s Wicked, and the musical it inspired. We like it when the bad guy is deeper than we thought.

In general, it’s a very good message to say, “Let’s look at something from the other side.” But then also, what our challenge will be — and the script writer [The Lion King and Alice in Wonderland’s Linda Woolverton] has already cracked it — is not to simplify it, not to just reverse the story but tell a bigger story that doesn’t point the finger [at Princess Aurora] either. It doesn’t flip it.

Since it’s a Disney film, will this version of Maleficent be close to the one we know from their 1959 animated film?

We’re still figuring out the look. We’re experimenting with different things. But the horns are the horns — you can’t deny them. You have to have horns.

Personally, I don’t think there could have been a better casting in this case. Honestly, half of the population (namely those strange Team Jennifer Aniston folks) already thinks she’s a horned witch, her super-power being able to lure men away from “decent” women with their exposed zombie legs, but I think it was a good choice. There’s no doubt that Angelina’s a talented lady, and she sure physically fits the part, too.

What do you guys think of Angelina in the role of Maleficent?

View Results
June 19, 2012 at 3:30 pm by Sarah
Filed Under: Angelina Jolie