Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Victoria Jackson

Victoria Jackson Is The Worst Person Ever

A photo of Victoria Jackson

Ok, I’m sure that Victoria Jackson isn’t the worst person ever. Not really. I’m sure that there are plenty of people in the world who are worse than Victoria Jackson. I can think of four or five right off the top of my head. But right now, right at this very moment in time, I am enraged, and right now, to me, Victoria Jackson is worse than everyone.

This is going to make you angry, I think. I almost didn’t even talk about this, but it just pissed me off too much, and I have to share it so that I feel less alone in this empty pit of rage.

This is about the shooting in Connecticut, and what Victoria Jackson had to say about it. If you need to sit this one out, I understand. If not, let’s get to it.

Here are things that Victoria said on her Facebook following the shooting:

Obama dramatically wiped a tear as he said, “The majority of those who died today were children — beautiful little kids … They had their entire lives ahead of them — birthdays, graduations, weddings, kids of their own…”

YEAH OBAMA. SAME AS THE MILLION BABIES YOU HAD ABORTED THIS YEAR.

ARE YOU CRYING FOR THEM?!

And this:

TV News can’t figure out why all these 20 year olds are murdering. The school system taught them they are animals (evolution) for the last 20 years. Survival of the fittest. They’re just acting like animals.

And this:

Lord, please comfort the grieving and please let our nation invite you back into our families so this evil won’t happen again. In Jesus name, amen.

F-ck you, Victoria Jackson.

Obama didn’t have babies aborted. He doesn’t have a uterus, so he can’t have any babies aborted. He also can’t make laws all by himself, because that’s not how this government works. Oh, and also this: an abortion is not the same thing as murdering a six-year-old child, you ignorant bitch.

WE ARE ANIMALS. We just are. Humans are animals. We’ve built a bigger society than other animals, and we’ve gotten more advanced with our communication, but we are most certainly animals. I really hate that I have to explain this.

I also hate that I have to explain that the U.S. was not founded on Christianity, because it wasn’t. Pilgrims came here for religious freedom. Thomas Jefferson, the guy who wrote most of the Declaration of Independence, which is a pretty big deal, wasn’t even a Christian. This tragedy has absolutely nothing to do with “taking God out of our schools,” and I don’t even understand why people think that.

If I see one more Photoshopped picture of Jesus floating over a classroom with a caption like “I wish they would let me in there with you,” or if I hear one more person mention that this shooting, the one in Aurora, and Columbine all happened in liberal states that are working on gun control, then I will lose my f-cking mind. Yes, we need to take a good hard look on what we can do to prevent this kind of thing. But it doesn’t have anything to do with bringing religion back to public schools or your weird political agenda.

Victoria’s stance also says that guns are not the problem, but in the wise words of Eddie Izzard, “guns don’t kill people, people kill people, but I think the gun helps.” And on that note, let’s all go watch Eddie Izzard clips and try to regain the ability to feel feelings. Sound good?

Victoria Jackson Is Way Sad About The Election

A photo of Victoria Jackson

I can’t believe myself right now, I really can’t. In all of my excitement and relief over Obama’s re-election, I’ve forgotten that some people aren’t so happy. Particularly, I’ve forgotten that our dear Victoria Jackson, our patron saint of batshit crazy, must be extremely devastated over this news.

And she is, guys. She really, really is. Let’s check out some of her tweets from the past several days, all right?

Here are the ones she posted right after Obama’s win was announced:

I can’t stop crying.

America died.

I can’t stop crying. America died.

Thanks a lot Christians, for not showing up. You disgust me.

She also posted a lot of links from this wacky conservative website about voter fraud, and a link to some quotes about communism.

Now let’s see how she’s been picking up the pieces in these past few days:

America’s dead but Jesus Christ the same yesterday, today, and forever.

The Democrat Party kicked God out of their platform and replaced Him with Romans 1. Read it: environmentalism/ homosexuality

Why can’t we have 2 countries? America Red and America Blue – only Blue people aren’t allowed to ask us for money when free phones run out

the power of the tweet is going to my head, i better take a break….or I might get as arrogant as Dictator Obama…

COINCIDENCE? OBAMA LOSES IN EVERY STATE THAT REQUIRES PHOTO ID!

Just think, if Red States secede! We could have our own media and not have to look at the face of the LIAR anymore or hear his voice! We could have The Constitution and Freedom! We could have conservatives on TV again!

last tweet of the day… Rubio and E.W. Jackson 2016 or Red States Secede

IMPEACH THE IMPOSTOR!

I have no respect for Obama Voters. You traded freedom for a free phone, a joint for a job, and a baby for sluttiness.

Obama voters will be sorry…when it’s too late.

My shock and sadness has now turned into anger. You thought I was a patriotic, Constitutionalist before-LOOK OUT!

Do you actually think there will be an election in 2016? Maybe O will make an Executive Order that he stays forever…like Chavez.

Oh my god, I feel like I’m being suffocated by all the crazy, and I’m sure at least 95% of everyone who knows anything about this past presidential election would feel the same way. If you don’t like Obama, that’s fine, and if you didn’t vote for him, that’s your right, but there’s a difference between not being psyched about the president and thinking he’s literally the devil. Victoria Jackson is out her damn mind.

And hey, Obama supporting friends, come over here for a minute. Don’t tell anyone, because I don’t want them to feel left out, but I found such a treasure yesterday that I need to share with you. Here, I’ll just slip it in your hand so no one feels uncomfortable. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Here’s Some Poor Man Debating Gay Rights with Victoria Jackson

Here’s a tip though: if you don’t want to feel emotions somewhere on the scale between frustrated and furious, then maybe don’t watch this video right now. Maybe save it for a day when you’re mad or upset anyway, that way you can watch this and then go punch a wall or leave a scathing comment on YouTube or eat some ice cream, however you deal with your feelings. Sound good?

But if you don’t want to watch it, or can’t watch it, or if you just want a quick recap, here’s a rundown of the points Victoria Jackson makes to defend her views on gay rights (which, at this point, should be pretty obvious):

- Gay people do have rights, so what’s to fight for?

- Homosexuality is a choice, because “there’s no gene that’s been discovered yet, scientifically, for gayness.”  That means that heterosexuality is also a choice.

- Gay people are weird because their identities are in their sex lives.

- “Gays and lesbians have the same rights as everyone else.”

- You can be fired for being gay, but you can also be fired for being a Christian.  So stop.

- It may be hurtful for people to tell gays that they’re wrong and don’t deserve rights, but it’s also hurtful for people to tell people like Victoria Jackson that they “have hate speech.”

Overall, I’m glad that Victoria Jackson was polite, or at least as polite as one can be when telling someone that their feelings, beliefs, and fight for equality is wrong. She wasn’t cruel or hateful, just ignorant. Like, she got totally schooled by the guy in this video, and also she had a flag sticking out of her hair. She’s not mean, she’s not rude, she just needs to go home and hush.

But that guy who made the guest appearance in the middle of the video? He can go home, hush, and hopefully his gay mom will be there with Kate Gosselin’s wooden spoon. Fingers crossed!