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Twilight

Shailene Woodley Calls Twilight “Toxic”

Shailene+Woodley

Shailene Woodley is saying what we’ve all been thinking (and saying) for some time now — the Twilight book and film series suck. Specifically about their suckage, is that they depict unhealthy and “toxic” relationships. At least that’s what she told Teen Vogue. From Contact Music:

‘Twilight’, I’m sorry, is about a very unhealthy, toxic relationship. She falls in love with this guy and the second he leaves her, her life is over and she’s going to kill herself! What message are we sending to young people? That is not going to help this world evolve.

Girl, word. Ms. Woodley has Divergent coming out soon that hopefully depicts a strong, female character, which we really don’t see enough of.

What do you think about her comments?

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This Could Have Been Your Edward Cullen, Apparently

kellan lutz

Kellan Lutz, who played Emmett Cullen in the Twilight films, has come forward to say that he was going to actually have Robert Pattinson‘s role of Edward but he decided to turn it down for some reason. He’s saying this years after the fact, so I don’t really get his point, nor do I particularly believe him, but who knows. Stranger things have happened.

From Access Hollywood:

“The role just didn’t… I just didn’t care to entertain it,” Kellan said on Monday’s Access Hollywood Live.

“I really wanted to play a happy role or no role for a little bit,” he told Billy Bush and Kit Hoover, explaining that his role in “Generation Kill” left him wanting something more upbeat.

“I didn’t care to audition for [the role of Edward] because he was a bit moody and emotionally challenged,” the 28-year-old, who played Edward’s brother, Emmett Cullen, in the series, continued.

“But then I loved Emmett… I’m so blessed to have been able to play him,” he said.

Uh… for some reason, I just can’t see it. Also, I bet you he’s kicking himself now because he is barely a working actor now. Then again, I don’t think he’s particularly anything special (not that Pattinson is Marlon Brando or anything) so whatever.

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Stephenie Meyer Is “Over” Twilight – So Are We!

stephenie meyer

Stephenie Meyer is corny as shit, but she thinks she’s hot shit because of the whole Twilight thing. That’s sorta over now and I don’t think anyone cares anymore (besides maybe Nutty Madam, but that’s not something to brag about), but Stephenie still feels the need to express her exasperation at the very franchise that transformed her boring Mormon housewife life and made her a multi-millionaire. She’s a true artist! She wants to work on other things! Insert eyeroll here.

From Variety:

“I get further away [from Twilight] every day. I am so over it. For me, it’s not a happy place to be.”
Here’s what she said when asked if she’d ever return to Twilight:

“What I would probably do is three paragraphs on my blog saying which of the characters died. I’m interested in spending time in other worlds, like Middle-earth.”

Uh… doesn’t Middle-Earth belong to a totally different (and way better) franchise? Try again, lady. I seriously think she needs to ride the end of the vampire wave while it lasts, because the fanaticism over that kinda shit is on the outs and she doesn’t have much more time to try and make a few more million off of bored teenagers before she fades back into obscurity.

‘Twilight’ Actor Michael Welch Gets Divorced

twilight michael welch marissa lefton

Michael Welch, who played Mike Netwon in the first three Twilight movies, has gotten divorced from his wife Marissa Lefton, reports TMZ. Lefton is a former child actress — she played Annie at three years-old in Father of the Bride. The two were married in 2008, separated in December of 2011, and made the divorce official this month. On Valentine’s Day. The same day that Kris Humphries‘ lawyer dumped him. News of the divorce is just coming to light (no pun intended). Hey, you try finding non-Oscar related news the night after/early morning of the Oscars. Seriously though, divorce sucks and he seems like a good guy. He’s a spokesperson for The Thirst Project, a nonprofit organization that “informs and empowers students regarding the global water crisis.”

They are both 25. DAMN it sucks to get divorced so young.

I Know What You Want for Christmas!

Come on, it’s ok, you can tell me! I know you want this baby doll. And if you don’t, let me give you a few details, and then I’m sure you’ll change your mind.

This is one of those reborn dolls, you know, the ones that look super realistic and sometimes women with emotional problems are shown on television treating them like real children. It’s available on Etsy for just $850, which actually isn’t that outrageous considering all the work that goes into these things. You’re intrigued, right?

But let’s get to the real seller: it’s a vampire baby. In fact, it’s Edward and Bella’s vampire baby. Yes, this is a creepy Twilight doll that will haunt your dreams, and for a small fee of $850, it can haunt the rest of your whole life. And then for your birthday, maybe you can get a Taylor Lautner real doll so you can really get freaky. Like actually, unstably freaky.

Now let’s get to editing those wishlists!

Here’s Another Breaking Dawn Part II Teaser for the Three of You Who Still Care


Or am I the only one, my many facets considered a triune of … you know what? What-the-f-ck ever – I like these damn movies, and even though my twenty-one year-old self would be slapping the shit out of my twenty-eight year-old self, there are just some things that you can’t change and guys? This is one of them. Mark it on your calendars. Commemorate it in a scrap book. But you’ve got to tell me: are there any other Twilight fans out there who are excited about this business? Because if I feel like I’m the only one, well, then I’m going to have to start posting Breaking Dawn Part II stuff like it’s my damn job.

One girl I know I can count on to sate her Twilight thirst along with me? This one.

The best part of the video? Her main YouTube page, where it says in the description, “Holy mother of melty shitbags.” Can I borrow that? Use it? Market it, maybe? I love random outbursts of profanity, and while I thought that one I came out with a few years ago while driving down the highway and some schmoe in a fancy Aston Martin blew past me and almost tossed me and my nine-year-old car off the road was the ultimate (“SHITBAG BALLSUCKER!”), this’ll do just fine, my friends. Just fine.

Who Is The Highest Grossing Female Screenwriter of All Time?

A photo of Robert Pattinson

If that photo of the hot, steamy vampire love between Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart didn’t give it away, then just let me spell it out for you: Twilight. The lady who wrote all the Twilight movies, Melissa Rosenberg, has made more money than any other female screenwriter ever. Does that make you die inside a little too?

Before Rosenberg and all that Twilight nonsense, a woman named Linda Woolverton held the title. Linda wrote Tim Burton’s adaptation of Alice in Wonderland and also The Lion King. However, the magic of Tim Burton and The Lion King are apparently no match for these vampires in love, because as of now, the Twilight franchise has made over two and a half billion dollars worldwide.

Is this as upsetting for you as it is for me?