4‘Twilight’ Actor Michael Welch Gets Divorced

Michael Welch, who played Mike Netwon in the first three Twilight movies, has gotten divorced from his wife Marissa Lefton, reports TMZ. Lefton is a former child actress — she played Annie at three years-old in Father of the Bride. The two were married in 2008, separated in December of 2011, and made the divorce official this month. On Valentine’s Day. The same day that Kris Humphries‘ lawyer dumped him. News of the divorce is just coming to light (no pun intended). Hey, you try finding non-Oscar related news the night after/early morning of the Oscars. Seriously though, divorce sucks and he seems like a good guy. He’s a spokesperson for The Thirst Project, a nonprofit organization that “informs and empowers students regarding the global water crisis.”

They are both 25. DAMN it sucks to get divorced so young.

February 25, 2013 at 5:30 am by Catherine St. Ives

2I Know What You Want for Christmas!

Come on, it’s ok, you can tell me! I know you want this baby doll. And if you don’t, let me give you a few details, and then I’m sure you’ll change your mind.

This is one of those reborn dolls, you know, the ones that look super realistic and sometimes women with emotional problems are shown on television treating them like real children. It’s available on Etsy for just $850, which actually isn’t that outrageous considering all the work that goes into these things. You’re intrigued, right?

But let’s get to the real seller: it’s a vampire baby. In fact, it’s Edward and Bella’s vampire baby. Yes, this is a creepy Twilight doll that will haunt your dreams, and for a small fee of $850, it can haunt the rest of your whole life. And then for your birthday, maybe you can get a Taylor Lautner real doll so you can really get freaky. Like actually, unstably freaky.

Now let’s get to editing those wishlists!

December 12, 2012 at 3:30 pm by Emily

4Here’s Another Breaking Dawn Part II Teaser for the Three of You Who Still Care

Or am I the only one, my many facets considered a triune of … you know what? What-the-f-ck ever – I like these damn movies, and even though my twenty-one year-old self would be slapping the shit out of my twenty-eight year-old self, there are just some things that you can’t change and guys? This is one of them. Mark it on your calendars. Commemorate it in a scrap book. But you’ve got to tell me: are there any other Twilight fans out there who are excited about this business? Because if I feel like I’m the only one, well, then I’m going to have to start posting Breaking Dawn Part II stuff like it’s my damn job.

One girl I know I can count on to sate her Twilight thirst along with me? This one.

The best part of the video? Her main YouTube page, where it says in the description, “Holy mother of melty shitbags.” Can I borrow that? Use it? Market it, maybe? I love random outbursts of profanity, and while I thought that one I came out with a few years ago while driving down the highway and some schmoe in a fancy Aston Martin blew past me and almost tossed me and my nine-year-old car off the road was the ultimate (“SHITBAG BALLSUCKER!”), this’ll do just fine, my friends. Just fine.

March 20, 2012 at 11:30 am by Sarah

2Who Is The Highest Grossing Female Screenwriter of All Time?

If that photo of the hot, steamy vampire love between Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart didn’t give it away, then just let me spell it out for you: Twilight. The lady who wrote all the Twilight movies, Melissa Rosenberg, has made more money than any other female screenwriter ever. Does that make you die inside a little too?

Before Rosenberg and all that Twilight nonsense, a woman named Linda Woolverton held the title. Linda wrote Tim Burton’s adaptation of Alice in Wonderland and also The Lion King. However, the magic of Tim Burton and The Lion King are apparently no match for these vampires in love, because as of now, the Twilight franchise has made over two and a half billion dollars worldwide.

Is this as upsetting for you as it is for me?

December 26, 2011 at 3:30 pm by Emily

13Introducing “What An 11-Year-Old Girl Thinks,” Part One: ‘Breaking Dawn: Part 1′

Writing about celebrity gossip is hard work! And that is why I have decided to farm out one of my weekend posts to my friend Fred’s 11-year-old daughter. Hmm. I think this isn’t illegal.

Now, you might guess that this new column was inspired by Kids React, but you are wrong. Instead, I was inspired by the mustache my friend Fred’s daughter was perma-markering onto a photograph of Justin Bieber in the magazine J-14. “You know,” I said to her, “Perez Hilton made his millions by drawing on people.” Then I offered this 11-year-old girl my job.

Fred’s daughter wasn’t sure what to write about, so I asked her to tell me a little bit about the latest Twilight movie Breaking Dawn: Part 1, because I haven’t seen it.

Here is what an 11-year old had to say:

I recently went to see Part I of Breaking Dawn. If I had to rate the movie from 1 to 5 stars, I would give it a three-and-a-half.

I love the Twilight series, but Breaking Dawn was way too sappy. I hate sappy movies! I hate them because you always know what will happen at the end. Like every Julia Roberts movie! Or Julia Roberts comes into movies and ruins them! Like Ocean’s Eleven. It started so cool: gadgets, stealing money, George Clooney, Brad Pitt…. And then at the end, Julia Roberts has to suddenly show up and kiss George Clooney. The pain of that scene was just like being locked up in a nuthouse and being forced to listen to show tunes. (Editor’s note: ?????!!!!)

The mouth on this kid! Anyway, there’s much, much more, but there are also some Breaking Dawn spoilers. You’ve been warned.

(more…)

December 3, 2011 at 12:00 pm by Jenn

2The Beginning of the End: The Twilight Saga

Are you sick of the Twilight overdose yet? You about to pull your hair out over hearing the names “Bella” and “Edward” and “Jacob“? Then friends, I suggest you avert your eyes, because right up there ^^ I’ve got some more of the same.

Yeah, it’s just another video chock-full of interviews with the same tired cast of characters and the same special effects and pregnancy bumps and bruises, but it’s for Breaking Dawn Part 1. Doesn’t that make it special enough to warrant continuous posts covering every single second of what’s to come in seventeen days? Didn’t we make this big a deal over all of the Harry Potter business? Yes, friends, I believe we did. Let’s take one for the Twihards, now, shall we?

November 1, 2011 at 10:30 am by Sarah