Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Suge Knight Doesn’t Think Tupac’s Dead, Probably Thinks That the Hologram is Real

photo of tupac and suge knight pictures
Did you guys hear? Suge Knight saw the Tupac hologram, lost his mind, and now he’s claiming that the dead rapper was never dead. Same story, different cast of characters, and yeah, it totally makes sense that Tupac would fake his own death, blah blah blah NOT. From TMZ:

There is a VERY good chance Tupac Shakur is alive and well … and hiding … this according to the man who was with him during the supposedly fatal shooting in Vegas, Suge Knight.

Knight just appeared on 93.5 KDay in L.A. with Tattoo and Cee Cee … and pumped some major fuel into the biggest urban legend in hip hop … that Tupac FAKED his own death.

Knight says his theory explains why cops never found his murderer — because there was no murder.

“Maybe the question is … Pac’s not really dead … pac’s somewhere else,” Knight says.

When asked if he ever saw Tupac’s body following the 1996 shooting, he adds, “Nobody seen Tupac dead. ”

Knight explains, “The person who supposedly cremated Tupac … this guy got about 3 million dollars .. personally from me … cash … and next thing I know I never heard from the guy or seen him again … he retired and left.”

OK, here’s my theory: Tupac got tired of all the fame, the money, the women, the public adoration, and at the ripe old age of twenty-five, instead of making some kind of lame-ass announcement that he was “retiring” (hello, Amanda Bynes! Lookin’ at you, girl!), he decided that he’d go out with a bang—no pun intended. He’d disappear from the streets of LA, flake out on all of his friends, his family, and his lovers, and not come back until the technology was in place to pretend that his grand return was a festival out in the desert as a holographic image and then hide behind that ’til he got bored. I hear the next big plan is for the Tupac “hologram” to go on tour, until “Tupac” gets sick of it and kills himself off the scene again.

Sure, right? No. Sounds like someone’s been watching too much Jem to me.

Dead People Giving Concerts Are All The Rage This Season

This whole mess started when my beloved Tupac was resurrected in the form of a hologram to perform at Coachella this past weekend. It was weird and awkward, and I don’t know why it happened. As much as I love Tupac, which is a whole lot, I wouldn’t want to see him perform. Because he’s dead. And if I were Snoop Dogg, I don’t think I’d want to perform with my friend that, you know, has been dead for 16 years. Is that a hard thing to understand?

Apparently it is, because Tupac’s probably going on tour:

“This is just the beginning,” Digital Domain’s chief creative officer, Ed Ulbrich,told the Journal Monday. “[Dr.] Dre has a massive vision for this.”

Spokespersons for Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg have declined to comment, but Dr. Dre’s production team first approached Digital Domain a year ago about creating a virtual Tupac. The team started focusing on the Coachella performance around four months ago, according to the newspaper.

The months of creative and technical planning aside, a stadium tour is feasible, or possibly smaller arenas, to bring in the talents of Eminem, 50 Cent and Wiz Khalifa.

But wait, the madness doesn’t stop with Tupac! No, it looks like Michael Jackson could be gearing up to go on the road one more time as well:

The late music legend’s brothers Jermaine, Jackie, Tito and Marlon just announced that they are joining together for Unity Tour 2012, a 27-city jaunt that kicks off June 18 in Louisville.

It marks the first time they’ve toured together since the Victory Tour in 1984.

“I just wish Michael was here with us, but I’m sure his spirit will be in the house,” Jackie exclusively told me this morning.

And he may be with them afterall. Jackie said a Michael hologram could very well be part of a bigger tour they’re planning for next year after they release a new album with their recently reunited record label Motown.

“It could have Michael—absolutely,” he said. “Wouldn’t that be wonderful? As a matter of fact, we had that idea two years ago for Michael’s Cirque du Soleil show.”

The brothers are still working on the set list for Unity. “There are so many songs,” Jackie said. “That’s the hardest part because we want to include all the favorites and not leave anything out. We’re going to sing some of Michael’s stuff, too. We’re going to honor him on the stage. He’d want us to do our thing to the best of our ability.”

Wow, sounds super! But hey, you know who I’d really like to see in concert? Someone who’s been dead for much, much longer. Can you help me out, Dr. Dre?

Jimmy Hendrix and Marvin Gaye? Sounds like a blast, Dre, but holler when you can get me someone like Billie Holiday or John Phillip Sousa, someone who’s been dead for a real substantial amount of time. If we’re going to do this thing, let’s do it right. I’ll see you guys at Bonnaroo, I hear Mozart is going to do some sweet mash-ups with Skrillex, and Jesus is going to be the MC.

Sorry, But You’re Probably Not Going to See That Tupac Sex Tape

See, Mama Shakur doesn’t want any of that nonsense. She’s had to go through all sorts of things with her little angel, Tupac – the fact that his friends smoked his remains, conspiracy after conspiracy surrounding his murder, and, you know, the murder itself – and it turns out that a sex tape is just pushing it a little too far:

TMZ spoke with a spokesperson for Pac’s estate, who was VERY clear, “We will sue anyone who tries to sell a Tupac tape.”

The rep insists … only the estate has the power to authorize the use of Tupac’s image for commercial use … and there’s NO WAY the sex tape will ever get the proper approval.

We’re told Tupac’s mother, Afeni Shakur, is aware of the tape — and has told her spokesperson, “Get the legal team ready because [we] will not allow someone to put it out.”

The rep tells us … the estate is trying to figure out who is marketing the tape by attempting to identify the individuals who appear on film, including the leading lady, believing one of them might be the culprit.

Really though, thank goodness they’re fighting so hard to keep this tape from being released.  Everybody knows I love me some Tupac, but when I first heard the news of the sex tape, I think I literally gagged.  It just sounds so gross and icky and it makes me uncomfortable to thing of Tupac, the person I consider to be my guardian angel, engaging in such activities.

On the flip side, is anyone super bummed?

Tupac Has a Sex Tape

photo of tupac shakur oral sex pictures photos sex tape pics

Does that kind of creep any of you out? That boyfriend there has this sex tape, and people are only now talking about it, like, almost two decades after he’s been in the ground? I’m making grim faces, guys. Consider me put the eff off. From TMZ:

The tape, shot in 1991, begins with a bunch of groupies in a living room during a house party. Tupac walks into the room with his pants down to his ankles, his shirt off … sporting several chains.

Tupac — whose head is shaved — pulls one of the women toward him, and she begins performing oral sex. As she does her thing, an unreleased song of Tupac’s is playing in the background, as Tupac is singing along and dancing, wiggling his hips.

And it gets even better. As the woman services Tupac, who is holding a cocktail in one hand and a blunt in another, Money B from Digital Underground walks over to him. Tupac puts his cocktail arm around Money B, continues singing and dancing … and the woman never stops.

That’s impressive. I mean, I can hardly walk and chew gum at the same time without looking stupid or choking or drooling or something. This woman, whoever she is, can give head while someone’s dancing and rapping? Plus, she’s holding a blunt AND a cocktail (har har) in each hand? And it appears to be no thing to either one of them? None of these things are bit distracting? Well. I guess I’m in the right line of business, then, friends. Hopefully no one from my hosting company ever walks into my house and expects this kind of treatment, because I’m just putting it out there right now: I’m just not that talented.

It Turns Out That Tupac’s Friends Smoked His Ashes

A photo of Tupac

You guys know that I will take any opportunity to talk about Tupac. He’s my favorite rapper, hands down, and if it weren’t for the fact that he’s been dead for 15 years come September, you’d probably see at least a mention of him every other week or so. He’s magnificent, ok? He’s the Lindsay Lohan of my heart, and I will sing his praises for the rest of my days.

Anyway, you know his friends, The Outlawz? They’re a hip hop group that Tupac founded, and yes, they smoked Tupac’s ashes:

The Outlawz — most famous for the Biggie Smalls diss track “Hit ‘em Up” — said, “Yeah, it’s definitely true” … claiming it all went down at a beach memorial for Pac — and his mom was present at the time.

The rappers claim the idea was inspired by a lyric in one of Tupac’s songs in which he said, “Last wishes n**gas, smoke my ashes.”

So … the Outlawz say they simply followed Pac’s request — explaining, “We twist up some of that great-granddaddy California kush …and mixed the big homie with it … so you know, [Tupac is] flowin’ through our system.”

First of all, poor Tupac, right?  Second of all, is this an actual thing that people do in the world?  I remember when I wrote that story about Courtney Love snorting Kurt Cobain‘s ashes, I found it incredibly disturbing, and also did you see that episode of My Strange Addiction where the woman was eating her husband’s ashes? Is it too much to ask that we just leave the remains of the dead alone, or at least outside of our bodies?

The Conspiracy to Kill Tupac: Taiwan Explains It All

Biggie and Tupac - airbrush

On Wednesday, prison inmate Dexter Isaac confessed to the 1996 murder of Tupac Shakur. He alleges that he was hired by another conspirator, music producer James “Jimmy Henchmen” Rosemond, to gun Tupac down.

But if you’re a foreigner—or a kid—maybe you don’t know who Tupac is! Never fear: Next Media is here to help.

You’ve heard of Next Media Animation, haven’t you? That’s the Taiwanese studio that reenacts current news stories—using bleeding-edge computer-rendered graphics—for Chinese news. The studio first achieved notoriety last summer with an animation of Tiger Woods’ car crash.

(LOL at bizarro-skinny Biggie Smalls.)

While Dexter Isaac’s confession is suspect—he also implicates Diddy, and he’s likely trying to shave some time off that life sentence he’s already serving—a federal grand jury apparently trusts Isaac’s information enough to charge two of Jimmy Henchmen’s friends with the 2009 shooting death of Lowell Fletcher, a friend of 50 Cent.

P.S. Oops! How embarrassing. Though a hit on Tupac’s life was first attempted in 1994, he wasn’t murdered until 1996. I’ve corrected the year, above. Sorry, and thanks!