Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Tony Romo

Tony Romo Pulls Out a Win Despite Having Jess in the Stands Again

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Although she managed to avoid being photographed this time, Jessica Simpson was in the stands when the Dallas Cowboys played football against another team on Saturday.

Whereas Tony played football poorly the last time Jessica was in the stands, this time he played it good. I don’t know what playing football good entails, but the score was 20-13, and Tony’s team had the bigger number, so that means Tony did something right. This is different from in golf, where, if you have the bigger number, it’s bad. With basketball, you want the number to be big. Baseball? Big. Running? Small.

See how much I know about sports????

Football is especially interesting because you never know how many points a team will get for doing something. For instance, in basketball, if the man gets the ball in the hoop from inside the half-oval, it is always 2 points. If he gets the ball in the hoop from outside the half-oval, it is 3 points. I forget how many it is from the free throw line, but, basically, if you know where the man’s standing, you know how many points he’ll get. In baseball, if the man touches his foot on the white square by the batter, it is always 1 point. No matter what, it is 1 point. With football, anything can happen at any time. Sometimes when the man runs across the big line, it is 6 points. Sometimes it is less than 6 points. And then there’s the tuning fork thing, and God help me if I ever run into a situation in life where I really need to know how many points the people get for kicking the ball through the tuning fork thing. And don’t forget the cardinal rule of football, kids: The clock must never be running. If the clock is running, something went wrong.

All of this, however, is childsplay in comparison with tennis, where invisible elves on the sidelines make up the score while shooting up heroin. And sometimes the score isn’t even a number. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why there are so many hot chicks in tennis and not in other sports. Because the elves like hot chicks. Now don’t you go saying my blog’s not educational.

Anyway.

Tony Romo helped win the big football game, and maybe now people will hate Jessica less.

AWESOME Quotables

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“Right now, Jessica Simpson is not a fan favorite — in this locker room or in Texas Stadium. With everything that has happened, obviously with the way Tony played and the comparison between her and Carrie Underwood, I think a lot of people feel she has taken his focus away. Other than that, she was high on my list until last week. Oh, I got a message for her when we make the playoffs. Just stay tuned.”

Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Terrell Owens speaks to the AP about Tony Romo’s poor performance with Jessica in the stands.

Jessica Simpson Ruins Everything

Jessica Simpson at Tony Romo’s Dallas Cowboys Football Game

I don’t know anything about football. There’s a ball — it’s brown — and weird pitchfork-style things sticking up from the ground and men run and, as I’d tell my college boyfriend whenever he’d promise me we’d go shopping when the game was over, the number-one rule of football is that the clock must never be running. Every girl knows what I mean. “Ten minutes left” means “two hours left” because the number-one rule of football is that the clock must never be running. Never ever ever. If the clock is running, something terrible happened.

Anyway.

This guy Tony Romo is good at the football game.

Except for when his new girlfriend, Jessica Simpson, is in the stands.

Then Tony Romo sucks at football.

He had the worst game of his career this weekend, with Jessica there.

Although it’s nice to see a girl make a guy choke; it’s usually the other way around. ;)

Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo: Total PDA

Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo

Jess and Tony are still going strong, sucking face at Cacee Cobb’s 30th birthday party at Teddy’s.

At first, the singer – wearing a form-fitting black dress and spike heels – and her new beau kept things low-key in a secluded booth. But as the night wore on, the two were spotted with their arms around each other. Then, after a few seconds of conversation, they leaned in for a kiss – right in the middle of the crowded club.

Also, I guess Cacee’s still going strong with Scrubs star Donald Faison. Cute!!!