Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Tony Romo

Of Course Tony Romo’s Wife is Pregnant

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Jessica Simpson’s pregnant, so some new wife of an ex just had to have the had the honor to be with child, and we all know that Vanessa Minnillo is just Nick Lachey’s beard and he actually can’t get within five feet of a willing vagina without breaking out into hives.

From People:

During a visit to Cedar Hill High School near Dallas, a student asked if he has any children. “Um, no, I don’t have any kids,” Romo replied, following up with, “I’ve actually got one on the way. My wife’s pregnant.”

As the students clapped, Romo, 31, smiled, raised his fist and said, “It’ll be fun.”

Indeed, Tony, it’ll be fun; congrats! And it’s good – real good – to know your manhood (and football team!) still work just fine after going through the Simpson Mangler.

Another One of Jessica Simpson’s Exes Is Engaged …

A photo of Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo

… And it’s this guy! Tony Romo, you guys.  You remember him. He’s the guy that dumped Jessica last year on her birthday.

Tony’s future wife is Candace Crawford, a news anchor in Dallas and also a beauty queen.  He proposed at some restaurant in Dallas, he got her a nice ass ring, so on and so forth.  But I don’t care about that.  I care about how this is the first serious girlfriend Tony had after Jessica, and about how the proposal happened on her birthday.  Way to cut deep, Tony.

You know what this means, right?  This means that Jessica will retaliate by getting pregnant (retaliation by engagement was already taken.  How’s that feel, Nick Lachey?), and not just any kind of pregnant.  She’ll get “oh, I just forgot to take my birth control for the past few months” pregnant or “oh, sorry, I heard it was totally the right thing to do to poke holes in all the condoms” pregnant or “oh, no, it’s totally fine, don’t pull out” pregnant (because I can definitely see Jessica believing wholeheartedly in the pull out method, can’t you?).  Seriously, I’m calling a vengeance baby announcement by spring.

WTF Is Wrong with Jessica Simpson’s Mouth???

I wrote earlier today about the outfit Jess wore to her David Letterman appearance — a lot of you loved it, but I still think it’s kind of ridic.

Now that we actually have footage of Jessica on the show — talking about Tony Romo and John Mayer (“He gave away my game!!), among other things — I have a very important question: Why can’t she talk like a normal human being??? Doesn’t it seem like she’s holding her mouth a little tight? It doesn’t look like she recently got Botox or anything, but there’s definitely something odd going on.

That said, it’s a pretty adorable interview, and I like her a lot more after watching it.

Lastly: How fucking amazing is the quality on YouTube these days??? This is a damn sharp video. Pretty soon I’ll be able to sit in bed all day and my entire life will just play out over the Internet. Oh, wait. That already happened.

Jessica Simpson Is “Sad, Mad and Confused” Over How To Work a Ziploc

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I’m just kidding y’all!  Jessica Simpson is “sad, mad and confused” because she just listened to some of her past CDs and can’t figure out how she ever became famous.  Ack!  Kidding again!

Jessica Simpson is “sad, mad and confused” over being dumped by Tony Romo.  Apparently she never saw it coming.  Which certainly leaves me a bit confused.  Everyone in the world knew it.  How could she not?

Here’s a life lesson:  If you are telling anyone who will listen that you are getting hitched, but the guy isn’t giving you a ring, a date, or a plan, he’s not marrying you.  Why is that so hard to understand? 

Anyway, Jess, chins up!  It just means Mr. Right is still out there waiting for you.  Probably at some Texas chili cook-off.

It’s Over!

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Oh, man!  Tony Romo dumped Jessica Simpson on Thursday – the night before her 29th birthday!

Originally, Jess planned to have a Barbie and Ken party, but ended up Tweeting “Barbie party didn’t happen, but I turned 29 and feel like I am on top of the world yelling I LOVE GETTING OLDER!”  Another Tweet on Sunday read “Everyone needs to know that hope floats … grab the strings and pull it back to you.”

A source spoke with People and said “She is heartbroken.  She loves Tony. But it’s been difficult lately. He’s busy with his career and she’s getting ready to shoot her show (The Price of Beauty). They decided to part ways.”   Tony’s training camp starts in two weeks.  I wonder if this break will improve his on-field performance.

First Vanessa and Nick.  Now Tony and Jess.  The ex-Newlyweds are not having a good time of it.

Tony Romo Takes a Homeless Man to the Movies

This is a freaking ADORABLE story about Jessica Simpson’s man:

A homeless man who goes by Doc was cashing in change at a Cinemark Theatre in Dallas when a guy walked up and offered to pay his way into the movie. He planned to spend his day passing out fliers and accepted a rain check before realizing that he recognized the generous gentleman.

“Was that Tony Romo?” Doc asked the worker behind the counter.

It sure was. Doc, who requested that his real name not be used, hustled across the street to the consignment store that paid him to occasionally pass out fliers and requested the day off. By the time he got back to the theater, Role Model had already started.

Romo, who confirmed the story but didn’t want to elaborate, waved Doc over to sit by him and his friend. Doc sheepishly mentioned that he hadn’t showered in a few days.

“Don’t worry about that,” Romo said. “I’m used to locker rooms.”

And so the $67 million quarterback and a man who doesn’t have $6.70 to his name sat next to each other and shared laughs for 90 minutes or so.

For Romo – who made news by changing a couple’s tire on a roadside on the way home the night of the season opener – it was just another kind gesture to a random stranger. It meant the world to Doc.

“For me, it was a blessing,” Doc said. “It came at just the right time. It gave me some encouragement and faith in mankind. I just wanted to say thank you.”

What a cutie!!!

Is it possible that Jessica Simpson’s actually managed to snag herself a downright decent dude?

There’s only one problem with this: we’re supposed to be BOYCOTTING Cinemark, dammit! What would Ken Paves think?