Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Tom Cruise

Quotables: Malin Akerman Talks “Tonguiest” Tongue Kiss Ever

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“It was actually a kiss that – we know this is true love, we’re going to be together forever kind of moment. So he walks in and in the script it says, “It’s the tonguiest tongue kiss of all time. How do you – what are we going to do? He just goes, “You guys, go at it. Tom, if you’ve got to lick her eyeball, lick her eyeball. ‘I was, like? Oh, my God. It literally is for me a cringing moment. I saw it, I was like, I can’t watch … To be able to do a duet with Tom Cruise and then to undress him and pretend to make love to him on an air hockey table? It was one of the most unbelievable scenes of my life. It was so much fun.”

Malin Akerman on—urk, urk—having to open-mouth kiss and tongue-wrestle Tom Cruise and his gigantic teeth. Or just his gigantic teeth. I’m not sure what she has to visualize in order to not puke in this guy’s mouth, but I’m sure it’s something completely sublime, and nothing at all like gingivitis, what’s *really* under the caps on teeth, or general abundant craziness.

I guess all I really have to say about this stuff would be this:

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Blind Items Revealed: Let’s Talk Katie Holmes For a Minute

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Remember this?:

This actress – who worked much more several years ago than she does now – has found the perfect way to annoy her controlling husband. He always insisted that she not step foot out of the house unless she was looking her best (full hair, makeup, clothes) because she was a “reflection of his image”.

But now that they have quietly separated, she consistently walks out of the house in casual clothes and messy hair and no makeup (even when her destination isn’t the gym). Of course, the paparazzi are there, just waiting to snap her photo. Her publicist called and said, “Do you realize how much you’re p*ssing him off when you do that?” She replied, “Absolutely!” and giggled. Sounds like it’s just her little way of reclaiming her life.

So! Now it all makes sense, I guess. I said back then it was Katie Holmes, and now, after seeing these pictures of Katie and Suri hanging out in … some … some pond in Connecticut, while still wearing all of their clothes, well. I think that kind of speaks volumes to the recent blind item, now, don’t you? Because if Katie and Tom were still together and these photos emerged, we wouldn’t have even seen them. Tom probably would have been lurking somewhere in the shadows of a sycamore tree, getting ready to pounce the photographer who happened to catch these shots. And then he would have kissed him and then destroyed all evidence. Of both.


Tom Cruise is Going to be in Playboy, You Guys

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… But thankfully, not for the reason you may think. Which would be weird, considering Playboy features nude ladies, and not nude men, but hey. Tom Cruise has never really done things the conventional way, so I suppose it wouldn’t be all that off-the-wall.

Tom discussed topics like how his career almost tanked after all of that couch-jumping back in ’05, all the business behind his Scientology, and how everyone thought he was completely bat-shit crazy. Tom says to Playboy:

“There comes a point when you just have to go, ‘You know what? Here’s how I’ve lived my life: I’ve never been late to set. I make films I believe in. I feel privileged to be able to do what I love.’ You just have to keep going and remember that. The other stuff? I hear it, I read it, I get it. But life is not a matter of trying to prove anything to anybody. …. There’s what people say, and there’s reality, and you can’t worry about stuff like that. Do you wish they wouldn’t say certain things? Yeah, you wish.”

And when the going gets tough, the tough … well, they pursue legal action:

“They know I mean it, that if I have to, I will sue. You start with a letter saying, ‘Okay, you know it’s not true. Apologize.’”

Tom goes on to talk about his favorite subject of all—“Kate” Holmes:

“She’s funny and charming, and when she walks into the room, I just feel better. I’m a romantic. I like doing things like creating romantic dinners, and she enjoys that. I don’t know what to say—I’m just happy, and I have been since the moment I met her. What we have is very special.”

And on his religious beliefs:

“What’s interesting is, if I don’t talk about my religion, if I say I’m not discussing it or different humanitarian things I’m working on, they’re like, ‘He’s avoiding it.’ If I do talk about it, it becomes, ‘Oh, he’s proselytizing.’”

And on that, he definitely makes a good point. Scientology is such an obscure thing to many people, and I agree—when he doesn’t talk about it in interviews, it seems like he’s trying to avoid the elephant in the room. And when he does, everyone kind of backs off and says, “Wait, whoa—creeper alert. Keep it to yourself, dude.” So, in essence, I guess it is a lose-lose situation for Tom when it comes to this topic.

Moving on, Tom says that even though people pretty much shit all over his belief systems, he respects others for their own. And really, isn’t that sweet?:

“I have respect for what other people believe. What I believe in my own life is that it’s a search for how I can do things better, whether it’s being a better man or a better father or finding ways for myself to improve. Individuals have to decide what is true and real for them.”

So, all in all, not a bad interview. Certainly not nearly as bad as what you’d expect from someone playing a character called Stacee Jaxx. I shudder to think.

Tom Cruise Doesn’t Disappoint in Rock of Ages

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… You know, if, of course, you’re like me and have this unexplainable urge to vomit all over Tom Cruise’s face and weird body every time you see him on television or in magazines, because guys? He did not disappoint.

We’ve talked about Tom Cruise and his new, craptastic role as Stacee Jaxx in Rock of Ages, but thus far, you’ve been spared both excessive commentary from him and any abundance of real photos where the obnoxiousness-level is at an all-time high, but I’m here to pop your safe little bubble today, oh yes. That W magazine cover we looked at the other day? Here’s a snippet of the interview, and if that doesn’t put you completely off your breakfast, then the accompanying photos certainly will.

Tom on the most ridiculously redundant question anyone could possibly ask Tom Cruise—whether he sang around the house as a kid:

“You know what? I did the scene from Risky Business around the house. I would sing Bob Seger—my mother worked, my sisters were out, and I’d turn the music up. I learned how to dance watching Soul Train. I noticed that if a guy could dance, he’d get a lot of attention and girls would want to dance with him. I worked very hard at imitating those moves.”

And then Tom on name-dropping his wife just for the express purpose of letting us know that he still calls her ‘Kate‘, because ‘Katie’ is apparently too bourgeoisie:

“Kate [Holmes, Cruise’s wife] loves musicals. She sings and dances, and we kind of went through the history of musicals together. And Suri loved Hairspray. With kids, you watch everything over and over; I watched Hairspray 15 times with Suri. I thought Adam Shankman did a great job directing the movie, so I arranged to meet him and said, “Where’s our musical?” He came back and said, “Rock of Ages.” We went and saw it in L.A., and for me…I didn’t know how to play the character like that. I had to find my own Stacee Jaxx.”

On—gag—being “sexy” in the film:

“I knew we had to push the sexuality because of the nature of the character and the songs. He’s singing, “I Want to Know What Love Is.” Adam has a sweetness with this stuff, so you can push things pretty hard. With Malin, I thought of Susan Sarandon in The Rocky Horror Picture Show—incredibly sexy and very sweet.”

Ugh. Are you satisfied yet? Because I just about vomited my water. Forget the breakfast—I was barely able to stay hydrated while reading this drivel.

Be sure to check out the photos in the gallery if you really want to drop some water weight today.

Love It or Leave It: Tom Cruise’s W Magazine Cover

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Emily’s filled you guys in on this whole ‘Rock of Ages’ thing that Tom Cruise is doing, yes? Because apparently, W magazine has taken it upon themselves to become the film’s number one promoter, it seems. If you’ve done your best in avoiding the entire thing, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but we’re going to talk about this movie for a second, OK? For some background information, IMDB:

Set in 1987 Los Angeles, Drew and Sherrie are two young people chasing their dreams in the big city. When they meet, it’s love at first sight, though their romance will face a series of challenges.

The film stars Tom Cruise, obviously, Malin Akerman, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Julianne Hough, Alec Baldwin, Russell Brand, Will Forte, Mary J. Blige, and a bevy of hairband-looking blonde women.

In all seriousness, no, I will not be seeing the film, and it’s mainly to do with the whole Tom Cruise thing. Just not all that much of a fan. Granted, I did see ‘Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol’ and found it to be pretty bad ass. But we’ll just keep that to ourselves for a little while here, OK? At least ’til we see what kind of reviews this movie’s going to get?

Finally, W magazine: just … what the hell?

Rock of Ages Is Going to Be The Best Movie We’ve Ever Seen

No, it really is. Do you remember when I showed you the first trailer back in December? It was a glorious piece of cinematic magic. Tom Cruise was elegant and graceful yet raw and powerful. The film itself could win every single award out there – the Oscars and the Grammys – based on the trailer alone. It was that amazing.

But look! It’s a brand new trailer! One filled with just as much magic and intrigue! Perhaps even a little more, because Tom Cruise sings a Bon Jovi song in this one. Really, he does. He prances around on stage without a shirt, with his flowing, majestic mane of hair and that awesome tattoo, and he sings “Wanted Dead or Alive.” That happens, and it’s … well, it’s more than I ever could have imagined, I’ll say that much.

Are we even going to be able to handle this movie when it comes out in June?

Are You Guys Going to See Rock of Ages?

I have so many emotions about this movie, you guys. Just so many. I mean, did you see that trailer? Honestly, did you watch it? Tom Cruise‘s hair? Alec Baldwin‘s hair? The entire concept of the movie? I just can’t, I can’t. This is exactly what I felt when Mamma Mia came out: equal amounts of disgust and intrigue, with sprinklings of disappointment and shame. These feelings are only magnified by the presence of Tom Cruise.

What about you? Are you excited about this? If so, were you also excited about Footloose? Because if both of those things are true, then we need to have a good long talk about good judgement and taste.