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Tila Tequila

0Tila Tequila Wants A Piece Of Charlie Sheen

A photo of Tila Tequila

And really, can you blame her?

Tila did a little interview recently, and someone had the brilliant idea to ask her about Charlie Sheen.  And this is what our girl had to say:

“I could definitely do a better job than [Bree Olson and Natalie Kenly] can,” Tila says. “He won’t need anyone else around. There’d only be one goddess. I could show Chucky a good time — but also help him out.”

She went on to talk about how Charlie needs help, so on and so forth, but I say save that talk for Dr. Drew (who, by the way, thinks that maybe Charlie needs to be put on a 5150, or an involuntary hold for not-so-stable people).  All I care about is how Tila Tequila wants to be Charlie Sheen’s goddess.  Can you even imagine how fantastic that would be?  Charlie could save Tequila from Juggalo attacks and make classy sex tapes with her, and Tila could give Charlie that Shot at Love – real love – that he truly deserves.

March 10, 2011 at 11:30 am by Emily

5Just In Case You Ever Wanted to See Jennifer Aniston Chat Up Tila Tequila

Between the charm of Tila, the beautiful, bitter sass of Jennifer and the mere presence of my one true love, Zach Galifianakis, I really couldn’t ask for anything more in an interview.  I mean, in a perfect world, this clip would also feature Katy Perry stumbling around in the background, talking ad nauseam about her breasts, but I find it’s always better to shoot for obtainable dreams, don’t you?

Oh, and just in case that wasn’t enough hilarious for you (and I don’t have to do this, mind you, this is just something I’m doing for you out of the kindness of my heart and out of the depths of my love for you), have you guys seen the Drunk History series on Funny or Die?  It contains such wonders as John C. Reilly and Crispin Glover reenacting the story of Tesla and Edison as told by a dude who drank a six pack and half a bottle of absinthe.

If you don’t laugh at either of those things, then I suggest you stop taking cues from Kristen Stewart and learn to let go a little.  That, or leave us a comment with something that actually does crack you up so we know that your heart is still beating.

February 9, 2011 at 11:30 am by Emily

0Tila Tequila’s Hot Thanksgiving Eve Celebration Featuring Other Reputable People

photo of tila tequila giving kate major a lap dance pictures

If you’re like a lot of people, you probably went out and celebrated Thanksgiving Eve with a night of debauchery and libations, hoping vaguely through muddy thoughts that you’re not too hungover the next day for the big eats and won’t puke on your plateful of Aunt Josie’s giblet stuffing which, ironically, looks much like your vomit. If you did, you weren’t alone. Some of my more … interesting memories have occurred on Thanksgiving Eve, and most of them I will probably never live down.

Kind of like our girl Tila Tequila. Tila, who is normally pretty demure, took her antics up a notch this past Wednesday evening at the House of Blues in LA, where she grinded and gyrated on top of Michael Lohan’s on-again, off-again girlfriend, Kate Major, who is apparently a good friend. And yes, we have the photos to prove it.

The evening was held in celebration to honor Kate’s birthday, along with Joslyn James’ and Gina Rodriguez’s. James, if you’ll remember, was one of the porn stars that got chummy with Tiger Woods’ pork sword, and Gina Rodriguez was the woman who allegedly had the affair with married Bones star, David Boreanaz.

And just when you thought the evening could get no trashier – Michael Lohan was also in attendance.

So if you’re still stuffed from yesterday, and the old finger-down-the-throat trick isn’t working to clear your gorge, just check out the photo featuring Tila whipping her greasy-assed hair around and that should just about do it.

November 26, 2010 at 8:00 am by Sarah

2Tila Tequila and Kate Major: New BFF Alert!

A photo of Tila Tequila and Kate Major

Photo via Radar

You know these ladies.  Kate Major, former girlfriend of Michael Lohan and Jon Gosselin, and Tila Tequila … well, I think we’re all familiar with Tila Tequila’s contributions to the world.  This picture was taken of the two women out at a party in L.A., and don’t they just look so chummy?  Understandably so – can you imagine the kind of hijinks these two could get in together?  Tila could introduce Kate to the world of music, and Kate could introduce Tila to the world of dating shady dudes.  This is the new Laverne and Shirley, guys, believe it.

Also, in that picture there, do you guys see a little scar where Tila’s oversized bandaid used to be, or is that just me?

October 10, 2010 at 2:55 pm by Emily
Filed Under: Kate Major, Tila Tequila

18The One in Which I Feel Bad For Tila Tequila

You know, I rag on Tila Tequila as much as the next person. I think she’s a conniving, vindictive, lying little famewhore that deserves zero iotas of fame, because not only is she talentless, but she’s also vapid and insipid, and tries to hide that with her big fake tits.  And that’s just bad.

But lets put aside my personal opinions on Tila Tequila’s inadequacies. These photos were taken of Tila Tequila in the aftermath of the ‘Juggalo Gathering,’ where she was attacked. Many said that Tila was making the incident up, but after Method Man’s admission that he, too, had problems with the crowd, many people changed their stories and said, ‘Hell, if Meth was attacked, Tila must have been, too, ’cause she’s so much more obnoxious.’

My opinion? While her ass shouldn’t have been there anyway — because really, who wants Tila Tequila at any public event that they have to pay money for; I’d be pissed, too — it was totally wrong and reprehensible for the crowd to react in the way they did. It was said that she ‘insulted’ the crowd. Funny thing.  Method Man was attacked because he supposedly ‘insulted’ them, too. My thoughts? These assholes in the audience were looking to be ‘insulted,’ and jumped at the chance to intentionally injure an onstage performer, no matter who it was, or what straws they had to grasp at in order to justify it.

So, yes. Tila Tequila is a pain in the ass, and she definitely does have some evident personality disorders and a plethora of emotional issues to match, but she is a person. And anyone who says that she ‘deserved’ this or ‘should have gotten worse’ is as bad as the people in the audience who were bombing people — OTHER LIVING, BREATHING HUMAN BEINGS — with broken glass, shit and beer cans.

August 20, 2010 at 9:00 am by Sarah
Filed Under: Tila Tequila

13A Tila Tequila Update

So a lot of you guys are questioning the legitimacy of Tila Tequila’s harrowing tale of violent Juggalos.  That’s cool, that’s fine, I totally understand.  But here are some more developments.

- TMZ has a short video of Tila on stage.  It isn’t long at all, but you can see some guy trying to climb on the stage, and you can see the audience begin to throw things at her.  You can also see that this chaos began when she took her shirt off.

- According to the San Francisco Chronicle, plans were made to attack Tila before the concert even took place.  Their article includes Twitter updates from a guy at the concert, along with a link to Tila Tequila’s blog, and if you go through those comments you can see numerous threats, along with numerous pleas for Tila to just stay home.

- The county sheriff is on Tila’s side.  He told TMZ that “things got out of hand” and that the concert was a “nightmare.”  He knows because he was already on the scene when the Tila Tequila affair went down, taking care of some guy who got stabbed.

- She’s already out and about and covering her face with stupid sunglasses and bandaids.

Tila Tequila is definitely exaggerating (surprise!), but there’s some truth to her original story.  It’s clear that the Juggalos didn’t want her there, and understandably so; I would be pissed if she showed up anywhere I paid to be.  It’s also clear that there were already some bad vibes, what with that guy getting stabbed and everything.  I don’t know, but whatever happened, I’m going to do the unthinkable and keep my eye on Tila Tequila for the next few days.  It should be a fun ride.

August 15, 2010 at 1:52 pm by Emily
Filed Under: Tila Tequila
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