Today's Evil Beet Gossip
The Muppets Movie

Watch This: The Muppets Blooper Reel!

There have been a handful of entertainment experiences I’ve had in my life that have made me cry out of sheer joy. The first one I can remember happened when I was 15 and my dad took me to see a touring production of Cats: there was an issue with the seating, so a big group of people had to stand off to the side during the opening number before we were seated, and I was just sobbing, I was so happy to be there. The second one happened last year when The Lion King was re-released in theaters. It was during “Circle of Life,” and all the animals just looked so happy, and I could remember when my mom brought home the VHS and my sister and I watched it over and over and over, and I just burst into tears. Then, inexplicably, I was so overjoyed that I cried once again when I saw The Muppets.

It was weird, because watching The Muppet Christmas Carol every Christmas and watching Muppet Babies at my grandma’s house sometimes are the only memories I have of these lovable guys. It wasn’t like they were all that close to my heart or anything, but it was just such an incredibly happy, fun movie that I got overwhelmed with emotion. And that might be lame, but that’s just me, you guys.

I had the same reaction when I rented the movie a couple of months ago, and yes, I cried again when I saw this blooper reel. Come on, look at Jason Segel‘s face! And Amy Adams is so adorable! And Fozzie Bear and Gonzo and oh god, you guys, it’s happening again.

Did anyone else react this way to The Muppets? Please don’t tell me I’m alone in this.

Get Ready for Jason Segel to Break Your Heart

A photo of Jason Segel

Let’s just get this awful news over with as quickly and painlessly as possible, all right?

Jason Segel was the man who got The Muppets back into theaters after a 12-year gap. The actor and co-writer of the film has been an avid Muppets fan since childhood, and if ever there was a “Muppets advocate,” it would be Segel.

That’s why it comes as a surprise that Segel will not be co-writing the next Muppets film, as Vulture first reported a few days ago. The actor confirmed the news to The Hollywood Reporter during an interview promoting his upcoming film, Jeff, Who Lives at Home.

Segal told THR that his co-writer Nicholas Stoller will be returning to write the next film, as will director James Bobin.

“My goal was to bring back The Muppets, and I feel like we did it,” he said. “I just felt like I did what I set out to do. I’m really happy that they’re back to where they belong.”

When asked if he has any plans to star, Segel also said he does not.

“It doesn’t really make organic sense,” he told THR. “Maybe I’ll do something in the future but no, I’m just sort of happy to send my kids off into the world.”

You saw The Muppets, right? Wasn’t it amazing? I laughed, I cried, and I left the movie theater with such a warm and happy heart. Of course, I’ve always loved those wacky Muppets, and I also have pretty strong feelings for Jason Segel as well, so there wasn’t any other option for that movie other than to own my whole soul for a couple of hours.

But this news? This new revelation that Jason Segel is somehow done with those beautiful creatures he so lovingly and so perfectly brought back to the heart of the people? It’s an outrage is what it is. It would be like Robert Pattinson doing the first Twilight movie and then saying “no, you know what, you guys have totally got this, I’m out.” It would be like Marilyn Monroe getting ready to sing “Happy Birthday” to the president but then saying “wait, I feel like so many other bitches are going to do this whole shtick, so never mind.” It would be like Lindsay Lohan saying “I did a really good job with that Parent Trap movie, so I guess I should just put the money away and focus on school!” There are great things, things that would affect the world forever, lying straight ahead, but Jason Segel is refusing to see them. He’s stepping out on the Muppets, and while that breaks my heart, that’s nothing compared to what society could have had.

I just hope Jason Segel can live with himself after what he’s done to the world.

Miss Piggy and Kermit Respond to FOX News Allegations of “Brainwashing”

Remember last month when FOX News accused the newest Muppets movie of being anti-American?

At the time, Dan Gainor of the Media Research Center went on the record saying:

This is what they’re teaching our kids. You wonder why we’ve got a bunch of Occupy Wall Street people walking around all around the country—they’ve been indoctrinated, literally, for years by this kind of stuff. Whether it was Captain Planet or Nickelodeon’s Big Green Help, or The Day After Tomorrow, the Al Gore-influenced movie, all of that is what they’re teaching, is that corporations is bad, the oil industry is bad, and ultimately what they’re telling kids is what they told you in the movie The Matrix: that mankind is a virus on poor old mother Earth.

The Muppets Movie just premiered in London, and Kermit and Miss Piggy answered questions during a press conference. One journalist asked whether the two had any response to FOX News’s recent allegations of “brainwashing” kids to hate “Big Oil.”

Kermit describes FOX’s assertion as “categorically not true.

“And besides, if we had a problem with oil companies, why would we have spent the entire film riding around in a gas-guzzling Rolls Royce?”

Miss Piggy interjects: “It’s almost as laughable as accusing FOX News as, uh… y’know, being news!”

“Boy, that’s gonna be all over the Internet!” Kermit admonishes her. “You are in such deep water!”

“Yeah,” she says dismissively. “Yeah, if they take what I say seriously, they’ve got a real big problem.”

You guys, this actually happened. Mind-blowing.

Are the Muppets Anti-American?

Oh, good grief.

I admit I haven’t seen the newest Muppets movie, so I can’t say for sure whether I think the Muppets themselves are a bunch of anti-capitalist pinko Commies. But apparently, the movie’s central villain—an oil baron—is someone called “Tex Richman.” Which is a great name for a villainous oil baron! That’s cute! C’mon!

And anyway, there’s a longstanding legacy of the villain being some devious business magnate. Maybe the villain is obsessed with taking over a building; maybe he’s trying to forge his name onto a document so he can secure the town’s water rights. That’s just good, clean melodrama! There is nothing more American than melodrama, after all.

But Dan Gainor of watchdog group Media Research Center has a different take:

This is what they’re teaching our kids. You wonder why we’ve got a bunch of Occupy Wall Street people walking around all around the country—they’ve been indoctrinated, literally, for years by this kind of stuff. Whether it was Captain Planet or Nickelodeon’s Big Green Help, or The Day After Tomorrow, the Al Gore-influenced movie, all of that is what they’re teaching, is that corporations is bad, the oil industry is bad, and ultimately what they’re telling kids is what they told you in the movie The Matrix: that mankind is a virus on poor old mother Earth.

Now, I realize the issue of climate change is kind of a touchy subject at Thanksgiving dinner, but I’m startled anyway. Is Mr. Gainor, uh, pro-pollution? Why is he so upset by Big Green Help? “Oooh, I just hate recycling!”

Let’s get real, FOX Business: was it a slow news cycle? (Or do these talking heads actually have a point? String me up in the comments!)

The Muppets Are Here to Cap Off Your Halloween!

Look! The Muppets are doing a parody of a parody of a parody, but this parody is probably better than the real Paranormal Activity movie. No, but seriously, have any of you actually seen the new PA installation? Is it good? Does is suck hard?

In any case, the new Muppet movie is probably going to be awesome. I know, I’m sick of the 10,000 trailers too (though I’m probably a hypocrite for saying that, as I clearly can’t get enough of the Breaking Dawn clips), but this movie’s got a stellar cast (just can’t go wrong with the Muppets) and has an even more impressive list of guest stars to the likes of Whoopi Goldberg, Selena Gomez, Kathy Griffin, Dave Grohl, Neil Patrick Harris, John Krasinski, Mila Kunis, Katy Perry, Rachael Ray, Mickey Rooney, Sarah Silverman, French Stewart, Ben Stiller, Wanda Sykes and Danny Trejo. See? It doesn’t get any better.

Are You Still Excited About The Muppets?

You are, right? Thank goodness. I was really concerned about the state of your soul for a second. But since everybody is all aboard for this magical adventure of a film, let me go ahead and give you a few specific reasons why this is going to be the best movie of the year (after Breaking Dawn, of course).

1. Jason Segel is always adorable.

2. Neil Patrick Harris sings the “Mah Na Mah Na” song (around the 1:45 mark, you’re welcome).

3. Fozzie Bear. That’s all.

What parts are you excited for?!

The Pig With the Froggy Tattoo

I suppose that post title up there just kind of speaks for itself, huh? I mean, clearly, we’re talking about Paris Hilton. Oh, what’s that? Her tattoo was of a crown or something? Oh. Well, to me it looked an awful lot like a frog. Alright then. I guess the title has more to do with the new Muppets trailer than anything else, then, I don’t know – I haven’t watched it yet.

Guess I should probably do my research before I make those kind of hurtful assumptions about Paris Hilton. Silly, silly me.