• He’s been hit with a few shells, but apparently at no point with a car insurance policy. Rapper 50 cent is pulled over in his Lambo in NYC for making an unsafe lane change. He’s later handcuffed and taken to a police station on charges of an expired driver license, his vehicle being unregistered in NY, driving an uninsured vehicle and having that brick of heroin in the back seat. And by “having that brick of heroin in the back seat” I of course mean “being black.” Gawker’s got art.
• Jessica Simpson’s management fires her publicist for trying to make it look like leaving Nick Lachey hasn’t become such an embarrassing misstep for the plummeting popstar. But in her defense: John Mayer, dude? Really? And when DJ AM was single?
• How much is In-N-Out burger paying Paris Hilton? Because if I were Carl’s Jr, I’d be fucking pissed.
• Ellen DeGeneres is hosting next year’s Oscars. I’d make one of the 8 gimme jokes here, but Defamer already took all of them.
• Orlando Bloom and Uma Thurman? Wow, I bet that makes Kate Bosworth really hungry.

I was driving around the city this morning, flipping through the radio stations, when a convo on Star 98.7 caught my attention. The woman being interviewed was Izabella St. James, a former live-in girlfriend of Hugh Hefner. Apparently she’s authored a tell-all, Bunny Tales: Behind Closed Doors at the Playboy Mansion. Her interview implied that perhaps — shocker! — life as one of Hef’s girlfriend’s isn’t all fast cars, fancy clothes and mind-blowing sex. She implied that Hef is possessive and controlling — the girls have a 9 pm curfew, and when they’re out in public they are always followed by guards, even to the bathroom, to insure they’re not messing around on the side (she said most of them are anyway) — she implied that Hef’s oldest son is gay and basically confirmed that his current #1 girl Holly is every bit the insane Hef-pleasing zombie she appears to be on Girls Next Door.

I’ll be picking up this book this weekend and will have any and all wonderfully juicy tidbits for you next week.

If anyone can find a link to the transcript of the STAR 98.7 interview (it aired around 8:30 am today), please send it my way.

Get the book:

Not much today, kids. Not much at all.

• Gawker’s backstage reporting from the VMAs is worth a read.
• Remember when Ben Affleck was cool? And when he was in a movie, people wanted to see it? Yeah. Not so much now.
• You know how you can tell it’s a really slow news day? Pictures of Jamie-Lynn Spears.
• Ashlee Simpson may or may not be dating Pete Wentz. “Who is Pete Wentz?” exclaims America.
• Pre-VMA report from Page Six: Ryan Seacreast hanging with his gays; Jason Wahler makes Lauren Conrad cry; Brandon Davis may (shhhh) be on drugs.

A little something to incorporate into your daily prayer ritual.

This woman looks strangely like Teri Hatcher. Taking a cue from Ryan Seacrest, are we, Matty?

[ICYDK has more of this charade]

There’s been plenty of gossip this summer regarding the apparent love triangle between Jake Gyllenhaal, Matthew McConaughey and Lance Armstrong. The three have been photographed together almost as frequently as they’ve been photographed shirtless these past few months. With that Sheryl “The Beard” Crow out of the way, we all just assumed the man-love was running rampant. Now it appears there may be a less debaucherous explanation for their behavior: both Gyllenhaal and McConaughey were up for the role of Lance Armstrong in his upcoming biopic. Gyllenhaal won out, so brace yourself for Brokeback Mountain, but this time with more Spandex.