Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Television Shows

Helena Bohnam Carter To Play Liz Taylor; Suck It, Lohan

helena bohnam carter with award

Helena Bohnam Carter, despite looking nothing like Elizabeth Taylor (to quote Bohnam, “I look nothing like her”) but is totally stunning and beautiful in a different way, is going to play her in a film for the BBC. Suck it, Lohan! Titled Burton and Taylor, with Dominic West as Richard Burton, this television film will mainly focus on their relationship in the ’80s. In 1983 Burton and Taylor, 7 years divorced (for the second time), starred in the Broadway play Private LivesLiz & Dick focused more on their relationship in the ’60s and ’70s and spent about 2 minutes on his death, giving us the amazing scene of Lindsay in a full-on Liz Taylor-White-Diamonds-Commercial-look mourning Burton’s grave.

lindsay lohan elizabeth taylor liz dick screencap

(This is what I'm talking about. Is this not glorious?)

Look, as bad as that film was, it was also enjoyable. Grant Bowler did a good job of playing the dramatic and hammy Richard Burton, and Lindsay had one really great moment where she delivered a line really well while actually sounding and laughing like Elizabeth Taylor. The costumes were enchanting and Creed from The Office was in it. So the whole thing wasn’t a total waste.

I think we can all agree without question though that Ms. Helena Bee Cee will do a far better job, because of, you know, the ability to act. Perhaps the most shocking thing about this film is that Tim Burton isn’t working on it. The film will air sometime in the fall.

Watch This: “The Shows We Lost in 2011″

Friends: let us pause for a moment of silence, collectively click “play” on this video, and watch a stirring tribute to the television shows that died this year. Then, while you are fumbling for your handkerchiefs, I will loose the doves.

Uh. Tell you the truth, I thought Friday Night Lights ended its run like two years ago. Oh, sure, I remember the outpouring of grief when it ended and everything. It’s just that I… misremember… it happening… in 2009ish. Oops.

I did kind of like Human Target. And when any iteration of Law & Order gets yanked, all humankind suffers the loss. Oof.

And then there’s Outsourced—it was canceled? Oh, thank God. I thought that show was pretty offensive, but mostly I was offended because it was terrible.

And some shows—like HBO’s Bored to Death, which I looo-ooooved—aren’t memorialized in this video at all! Hmph.

What other shows are missing from this video? What shows were unceremoniously murdered before their time? And most importantly, WHICH SHOWS WEREN’T CANCELED SOON ENOUGH? Meet me downstairs in the comments, where we will all eulogize together.

P.S. Stop the video short if you don’t want to see how Big Love ends. Seriously.

Oh, Hey! ABC Made a Sitcom That Doesn’t Look Totally Sucky

I dunno about you guys, but I can barely watch sitcoms on TV today. They’ve either been on so long that they’re mad tired-feeling or they just generally blow. Last night I caught a preview for ABC’s new sitcom Happy Endings (starring Elisha Cuthbert, SNL‘s Casey Wilson and Damon Wayans Jr.) and yo! I might actually watch this shit! The preview made me laugh out loud at least twice (“white girl on vacation” braids are something I’m really into,) and the cast seems great. I’m getting almost a “modern version of Friends” vibe here.

Could this show be the next big thing? Are there any other mid-season shows coming out that you’re looking forward to seeing? What about shows you’re just totally done with? Let’s talk TV!

Law & Order Shit-Canned, Many Elderly Folks Consider Jack Kevorkian

And another one bites the dust. Not that I care; I’m still reeling-ly bitter about the imminent cancellation of 24. 24 is the best show ever, and if you don’t agree, stop reading right now because this entire post is going to consist of me bitching about 24‘s cancellation. I don’t give a crap about Law & Order, though I know that my ex-fiance’s mother is probably horrified and my grandmother’s probably rolling around in her grave, but you know what? Both of those people are dead to me (one obviously more than the other) and I don’t have to listen to the alligator tears over a show that’s been on the damned air for twenty damned years when I have to have Kiefer Sutherland’s hot ass dragged away from me after only eight brief-but-sweet seasons.

Really. What.  Are you bitching about.

Law & Order‘s been on the air since 1990 and NBC is officially cancelling the court drama. L&O will go to syndication hell just like every other long-running and semi-popular show gone before. The cast and crew of the ever-present television show were notified yesterday afternoon of the end of their careers the show’s demise.

But fuck. Law & Order got, like, seventeen spinoffs, why not 24? What kind of grudge are they holding against Jack? Why can’t we have our moment in the storyline-melding spinoff heaven?

Total conspiracy. For real.