Or am I the only one, my many facets considered a triune of … you know what? What-the-f-ck ever – I like these damn movies, and even though my twenty-one year-old self would be slapping the shit out of my twenty-eight year-old self, there are just some things that you can’t change and guys? This is one of them. Mark it on your calendars. Commemorate it in a scrap book. But you’ve got to tell me: are there any other Twilight fans out there who are excited about this business? Because if I feel like I’m the only one, well, then I’m going to have to start posting Breaking Dawn Part II stuff like it’s my damn job.
One girl I know I can count on to sate her Twilight thirst along with me? This one.
The best part of the video? Her main YouTube page, where it says in the description, “Holy mother of melty shitbags.” Can I borrow that? Use it? Market it, maybe? I love random outbursts of profanity, and while I thought that one I came out with a few years ago while driving down the highway and some schmoe in a fancy Aston Martin blew past me and almost tossed me and my nine-year-old car off the road was the ultimate (“SHITBAG BALLSUCKER!”), this’ll do just fine, my friends. Just fine.
At least, according to this leaked allegedly-fake January 2012 issue, featuring Taylor Lautner on a cover emblazoned with the caption “Out and Proud! Tired of the rumors, the Twilight star opens up about his decision to finally come out.” The thing is, though, that People vehemently denies that this is an actual thing, but there’s no talk of lawsuits for … well, whatever legal term you’d use in suing someone for saying you’re gay when you’re not or publishing magazine covers fraudulently.
While yes, a rep for People has confirmed that the cover is “absolutely fake,” but that didn’t stop Taylor’s peers from Tweeting supporting comments. Russell Simmons stated “proud of Taylor Lautner for his bravery and his courage,” but later recanted his Tweet, saying “Disappointed that people would joke about someone coming out about their sexuality. Let Taylor Lautner be whoever he wants to be…”
Indeed. Let Taylor be whoever he wants to be. Even if it’s a totally hot, totally muscle-bound side of beef that I’d love a roll in the hay with regardless, who also uses really, really bad beards.
“You definitely have to deal with whether girls are interested in me or Jacob. Sometimes it’s hard. Time always lets you know what a person is really like. The fans love the characters and they would love anyone who as playing those characters. I’m just the guy who was able to bring Jacob to life.”
I actually feel a little sorry for little Taylor here. Can you imagine what it would be like to be in his shoes? I mean, at least Robert Pattinson got Kristen Stewart out of the deal, he doesn’t have to worry about wackos who just love him for being Edward Cullen.
But, of course, this brings about a much more important question:
Even if you’re not a fan of the films (::waves hand erratically:: I am! I am!), you can’t deny that this trailer’s got some balls to it. The movie drops November 18th, and in all honesty, I think I’m going to be one of the crazy ones queueing up hours before just to get my ticket. Why? Well, because I like the movies. And because it’s an experience, you know, sitting in a theater with people like this and gritting your teeth every time some over-emotional chick screams or swoons. You know what my choice of weapon is in a movie theater when dumb asses have loud, visceral reactions to what’s going on on the screen? BUNCHA CRUNCH. You can launch that shit rows. And when the shell-shocked person turns around and sees an almost-thirty-year-old giving the stink eye and holding up the half-empty box, they shut up fast.
As for the trailer, I feel like I’ve seen all of this before, just in different sequences, but hey. It’s a testament to what the franchise thinks of their ever-adoring fans that they’re willing to splice different scenes together to intense music and give us a few extra seconds that we think we saw anyway, right?
I kind of think I have a crush on Taylor Lautner. I KNOW, I KNOW; I’m playing right into the generic trendiness that I unconsciously fight so hard to … fight, and by saying “I think I have a crush on Taylor Lautner” does not automatically imply that I’m now Team Jacob (that’d just never happen, friends), but it does say that if I saw this dude walking his dog down the road while driving, I’d probably have to pull over to watch him go by.
“It was sometime in junior high. I don’t remember what year, but it was definitely in junior high. I think it was just with a random girl from school. I mean, it’s not like I walked up to her and was like ‘You’re just a random girl and I’m going to kiss you,’ but just a girl from school, and we had a little thing in junior high.”
On his TV guilty pleasure:
“One thing I watch off the hook because it’s on every single night up here [in Vancouver] and I usually can’t find it in the States that much is Dog: The Bounty Hunter.”
On his worst habit:
“I bounce my knees, but I do not have restless leg syndrome. I did an interview, I don’t even know who it was with, and they said I told them I have restless leg syndrome and it distracts me from my work. I do not have any syndrome. I actually have many friends [like me] who just bounce their knees.”
On whether or not it’s easy for him to talk to girls:
“[Laughs] Oh, I definitely wouldn’t say I overcame that. I guess it just depends on the girl. Sometimes I’ll feel free to completely open up, and I wish I could do that more often because that’s what I look for in a girl. Someone that can open up and be herself, but no, I definitely haven’t overcome it completely.”
On what’s a relationship deal breaker for him:
“If a girl doesn’t know how to smile or laugh or if they try to play cool all the time. Playing hard to get is not the way to win me over. I’m definitely more for the girl who can smile and laugh all the time and just have a good time!”
Isn’t it something like a hundred days ’til Breaking Dawn is here? Are any of you seriously freaking out yet? Will you go see it in theaters? I only just got into the Twilight franchise over the past few months, and in that time I’ve seen all of the movies to date, and, of course, have read all of the books (I’m considering going through them a second time to prepare for the new movie, just ’cause that’s how I do), so I’m looking forward to seeing the next installment. I’m not going to, like, run out on opening day or anything, but I’ll probably see it within the month it comes out.
Oh, also? Taylor Lautner gets hotter and hotter regularly. Seriously. I remember when all this Twilight hubbub started and I was completely creeped out by so many of my friends drooling so hard over him. But now? Well. I’m whistling a different tune these days, that’s for damned sure.