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Stephanie Meyer

Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson’s Relationship Woes Are All Stephenie Meyer’s Fault

robert pattinson kristen stewart stephanie meyer pics

No one gives two shits about Stephenie Meyer anymore now that the whole Twilight saga is finally done. Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson have probably deleted her number from their iPhones and added her email address to their spam filter, but like door to door Jesus peddlers, Stephenie won’t go away that easy. To stay in the press, she’s opened up and admitted that she blames herself for KStew and RPattz’s relationship woes because if they weren’t involved in the Twilight brouhaha, the whole Rupert Sanders cheating scandal probably wouldn’t have happened.

From The Times:

“Here’s the thing: there are some actors who are looking to be world famous, to be that household name, and although they might discover that there are a lot of negative things involved in that, it’s what they want.

“But that doesn’t apply to Kristen and Rob. That’s what makes it kind of ironic and tragic. I just don’t think they enjoy the parts [of fame] that other people would. And I totally get that, because it would not be my thing either.

“At the same time – and this is where the guilt comes from – it’s created this nice, peaceful place for me. They took all of my heat, which I feel bad about. If they had the choice, I’ve no idea if they’d even do Twilight again.

“I just don’t know. I think this has all come at a heavy price.”

What are you even talking about, Stephenie Meyer? This couldn’t have less to do with you if it was about, I don’t know, Daniel Radcliffe being a secret boozehound. The only heat they’ve taken is probably being told upteen times what shitty writing is involved in the storylines. And yeah, Rob and Kristen don’t “like” fame (though they love the money that comes with it, obvs) and there might have been some total desperate wannabes out there that would have hammed it up in front of the camera 24/7, but being famous and not really feeling the media doesn’t make couples cheat on one another. Are you an idiot? Sorry… silly question. Forgot I was talking to the author of Twilight.

Twilight is Going to Make You Spend Double Your Money

photo of twilight stars for breaking dawn promo

The franchise’s fourth installment, Breaking Dawn will be split into two films; one will premiere in November 2011, while the second film’s release date has yet to be announced.

Yeah, and for all of you who don’t devour Stephanie Meyer’s novels like they’re chunks of sex-covered cheesecake on Blanche Devereaux’s kitchen table, Breaking Dawn will feature “sex” scenes and “childbirth” scenes, but will somehow maintain to keep its PG-13 rating. I can only imagine how this one’s going to go:

Edward: Oh, Bella … I want you so desperately. I need you so. I have to put my thing into your thing, and that way, we’ll create a beautiful moody, brooding offspring together.

Bella: Oh, Edward. I’d be pleased for you to put your thing into my thing. I’ve only been waiting for you to do this for my entire adolescence.

[Lights fade as the two climb into bed together, fully clothed.]

Nine months later …

Flash-forward to Bella and Edward sitting at their kitchen table in a bright and cheery kitchen. Things have changed drastically since the two have “made love.” Sunlight pours in the windows and dust particles dance in the shimmering sunbeams while the two anticipate the Arrival of Their Child.

Bella and Edward gaze lovingly into one another’s eyes while they grasp hands. There’s excitement in the air; even Edward has an unnatural blush high in his cheeks.

After a few moments of comfortable silence, the two jump and start at the sound of the clanging doorbell, which plays “That’s What Friends Are For.” The couple rejoins hands, intertwining sweaty, nervous fingers and walk slowly, deliberately down the hallway and into the foyer, where a large shape behind the mullioned glass door throws odd-angled shadows on the plush carpeting and dark-stained hardwood below.

They look at one another as Bella bites her lip as Edward gives her an encouraging, yet curt, nod. “Now is the time,” Edward’s eyes seem to say. Bella, with her free hand, opens the door and gasps — for standing there, almost silhouetted by the bright early-morning sunlight, is …
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