I know: you guys are thinking, “God, as if I needed another reason, Sarah?”
These are photos of Eva Mendes being all domestic and shopping for things like flowers and Pyrex baking dishes, and I could completely vomit at how beautiful her stupid face is even without its stupid makeup on. It’s like, come on. Stop bragging, Eva. We already know you’re beautiful as it is, and we already know how damn lucky you are because you get to sleep next to (oh, and with) Ryan Gosling night in and night out, and now you really have to go and stick in our faces how lovely your face is first thing in the morning? I guess it’s all that Ryan Gosling-sex, you’re right. If any of us woke up next to Ryan Gosling in the morning, we’d probably look this good, too. You make a good point.
Also, I happened to notice that girl’s got eggs, flour, and bagged frozen fruit in the basket, so I’m going to surmise that she’s going to bake her man, Ryan Gosling, a fruit cobbler. And I have just THE BEST recipe for fruit cobbler, and it’s been tested. Recently. I made it last week, and it was so amazing that I had to fight with myself (almost physically) to not eat the entire thing. It was that. good.
So, you know, Eva, if you’re looking for some tips on how to bake a man-catching cobbler, just, you know, give me your passcode to Ryan’s house and I’ll whip it up nice and good for him. I definitely won’t be telling you how I’m totally planning on changing the code once I’m in so that you’re unable to barge in and interrupt what’s sure to be a lovely night of cobbler and candlelight (and I just bought the most darling taper candles), accusing me of sabotaging your plans and stealing your ideas, because really. Where would that leave me, then? I’ll tell you where: on the shitty side of a restraining order, duh.