Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Shia LaBeouf

Shia LaBeouf Is Just Doing Porn Now

A photo of Shia LaBeouf

Question: is there a difference between doing a straight up porno, something with a ridiculous title like Moulin Splooge or H.R. Muff N’ Stuff or My Brown Eye, Not the Winker, The Stinker with established porn stars and the whole deal, and doing a more “legitimate” movie with a well-known director where Hollywood actors actually have sex on film? I’m just wondering, because Shia LaBeouf is doing one of those things, and it sounds a little shady to me.

See, Shia is doing a filmed called Nymphomania with controversial director Lars von Trier. The movie also stars Nicole Kidman, Stellan Skarsgård, and Willem Dafoe. And they’re going to have sex.

From MTV:

The “Melancholia” director’s next film is said to follow a woman throughout her sexual life. What gives “Nymphomaniac” that signature von Trier spin of controversy is that the Danish director plans to make two versions of his film, one less explicit than the other. Early talk even suggested that the hard-core version would include unsimulated sex scenes.

LaBeouf joining the cast seemed to imply that he too would participate in the explicit scenes, and he confirmed that he is willing to go as far as von Trier asks.

LaBeouf told MTV News that he knows what he’s getting into with “Nymphomaniac.” “[Von Trier] is very dangerous,” he said. “He’s the most dangerous dude that I’ve ever showed up for. I’m terrified. I’m so terrified, which is why I have to go. We’ll see what happens.”

But how far will LaBeouf and von Trier go with “Nymphomaniac”? “[The movie] is what you think it is,” LaBeouf said. “It is Lars von Trier, making a movie about what he’s making. For instance, there’s a disclaimer at the top of the script that basically says we’re doing it for real. Everything that is illegal, we’ll shoot in blurred images. Other than that, everything is happening.”

“Nymphomaniac” won’t be the first movie to show actual sex onscreen. “Intimacy” from director Patrice Chéreau famously went there in 2001, but LaBeouf said von Trier’s movie will be different, adding that he and the rest of the cast are prepared for anything. “Whatever is asked. I think we all are,” he said. “I’ve seen ‘Intimacy.’ [Von Trier is] talking about something different. … It’s going to be a wild movie.”

Yeah, this grosses me out. There’s a way to be an edgy actor without, you know, actually having sex on camera. And if you want to have sex on camera, knock yourself out, but don’t play like you’re this big dedicated genius of an actor just because you do a literal sex scene.

Also, is the world really ready to see Shia LaBeouf’s penis again?

Hey, Did You Want to See Shia LaBeouf Totally Naked?

A photo of Shia LaBeouf

When I think of Shia LaBeouf, I think of Disney. I think of Even Stevens and Tru Confessions and Holes. That’s it. I saw the first Transformers movie and that new Indiana Jones and all, but Shia will forever be that goofy kid on the Disney channel to me. So no, I did not want to see him totally naked. I didn’t want to, but I saw it anyway.

See, Shia is in this new Sigur Rós music video. At one point, he’s completely naked while his hair (head hair, not pubic hair) is in a gross little ponytail. I figured some of you might be into that sort of thing, but if you don’t feel moved to check out Shia’s penis, then there are also lady nipples to be seen in there.

Do I really have to tell you that this video is NSFW?

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Shia LaBeouf! No!

photo of shia labeouf pictures hair pics 2012 photo
This post was originally going to be a ‘Love It or Leave It’ post, because normally when there’s something that I absolutely hate, I want to mock it as best as I know how. I saw these photos of boyfriend here, and I immediately went three levels past ‘hate’ and settled comfortably into things like malevolence, mordaciousness, shock, truculence, and virulence, just to name a few. A select few. I could go on, but there IS a post word-count that I try to maintain here, guys.

Anyway. The grease-monkey hair reminds me of Jesse James (or maybe it’s the grease-monkey reference, I don’t know) if Jesse James actually had more hair, and the beard reminds me of some … I don’t know. It just looks fake and I’m not happy with it, OK? I mean, honestly. He looks like the guy you used to covertly buy pot off of in college who always wanted to stick around to see if you’d smoke up him for free, but he’d never get the hint that you just wanted to go back to the sorority house and be all giggly and giddy with your sisters and leave his smelly ass behind the quad in the bush where it belonged. Get the hint, dude.

Wait, Shia LaBeouf is a Jerk?

photo of shia labeouf pictures photos drunk angry yelling pics

From Page Six:

Shia LaBeouf was escorted out of the LA opening of The Box nightclub by security Friday night after a confrontation with a pal of shock rocker Marilyn Manson. The “Transformers” star “exchanged terse words with a friend of Manson’s, who lunged over the table at Shia, and Shia lunged back. Security stepped in quickly and broke it up before any punches were thrown,” a source at the party hosted by Belvedere Red told us, adding, “Two security guards led Shia out holding his hands behind his head. His girlfriend, Karolyn Pho, was clearly upset and ran down the stairs after them. Outside, he fell onto a barricade. Swearing, he picked himself up and ran off.” Despite numerous witnesses at the party, also attended by Jon Hamm, Lindsay Lohan and Chelsea Handler, Shia’s rep said: “[He] actually left the club early as planned … he went to see one of the bands performing in the showcase and left after they finished … exiting through a crowded room was apparently misinterpreted. No altercation occurred.”

We’re supposed to be surprised that Shia lunged at some Marilyn Manson cronie and then fell into a barricade? Why is this even news? Isn’t this, like, what he does (aside from sleeping with gorgeous women, which is a total head-scratcher in itself, and then blabbing about it)?

Shia LaBeouf Beefs Up, Gets Hairy

photo of shia labeouf hot hair long facial hair beard pics

We just had a post about Megan Fox, so what would be the natural progression of things? Shia LaBeouf, blowing everything out of the water with something crazy.

In this case, it’s his hair.

Can someone do me a solid and explain this? I’ve also thought Shia to be kind of pretty, in that almost-forgettable on-the-fringe kind of way, but I hardly think that this hair is the direction boyfriend should be going if he wants to remain a sex symbol.

I know letting the cat out of the bag on sleeping with Megan Fox bolstered his efforts for awhile, but let’s not get too bold here, jeez.

Quotables: “I Slept With Megan Fox, Too!”

photo of megan fox and shia labeouf pictures photos pics hot having sex pics

From Details:

Asked if he hooked up with Megan Fox, LaBeouf nods affirmatively. “Look, you’re on the set for six months, with someone who’s rooting to be attracted to you, and you’re rooting to be attracted to them,” he explains. “I never understood the separation of work and life in that situation. But the time I spent with Megan was our own thing, and I think you can see the chemistry onscreen.” When I inquire about Fox’s status at the time with her longtime boyfriend, Brian Austin Green, LaBeouf replies, “I don’t know, man. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know . . .”—repeating the phrase exactly 12 times in various intonations, as if trying to get it just right. Finally, he says, “It was what it was.

Gotta love Shia and his throw-caution-to-the-wind ways. You just know that boyfriend’s going to get an angry, shrill phone call from Megan, like, later today where she threatens him to retract his statement or suffer the wrath of David Silver‘s cheap 90′s 90210 hoop earrings.

Oh Dear God, No, Not An Indiana Jones 5

Before I start, let me just say that I am not a huge fan of the Indiana Jones movies, not by a long shot.  I never watched them as a kid, just like I never watched Star Wars. I watched them when I was a teenager because my best friend wants the best for me and, for what it’s worth (and also please don’t hate me for this), I liked Indiana Jones way more than Star Wars, although I never got to watch The Last Crusade. I did watch the Crystal Skull nonsense though.  So just know that I am not taking this from a fanatical viewpoint, I am taking this from the viewpoint of someone who enjoys quality films.

Here’s the Shia LaBeouf quote that made me weep for the future of cinema:

“I talked to Harrison. He said he’s staying in the gym. He said he’s heard no word, but he does know that George [Lucas] is out there looking for a MacGuffin (plot device),” said LaBeouf. “He said he’s staying in the gym, so it means, you know, it’s not so far off.”

So basically it sounds like Harrison Ford is just waiting around while George Lucas figures out how to best twist and mar the beautiful memories and dreams of children of the 80′s. Fantastic.

The way I see it, I’m either completely justified in my fears for all you hardcore Indy fans or I just need to calm my heart and stop feeling so strongly about things I’m not that invested in. What do you guys think?