Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Shaquille O'Neal

Shaq Can Do Anything, Even Conduct An Orchestra!

Did you see Kazaam?  Did you listen to “Shoot Pass Slam?” Have you seen an important basketball game in the past 18 years?  If you answered yes to any of these things, then it should be clear to you that Shaq is a higher being, capable of things that we mortal folk can only dream of doing.  And that’s why this happened:

The Boston Celtics star, 38, led the famous orchestra and the Tanglewood Festival Chorus in a rousing rendition of “Sleigh Ride” as part of the Holiday Pops Concert at Boston’s Symphony Hall.

He might not be the most accomplished conductor in the orchestra’s 125-year history, but at 7-foot-1, he is officially the tallest. And while it wasn’t NBA-caliber grueling, he said the performance was a workout.

“Actually, you know, I have a whole new respect for conductors,” he said before the performance. “I went through a rehearsal today, and my arms are shot right now.”

Beat that, Aaron Carter.

Shaq Does Beyonce in Drag

Shaq was out celebrating the holiday with everyone else last night and he documented the occasion and his drag costume by treating us to a lip dub of Beyonce’s “Sweet Dreams” AKA one of the best songs of our time.

No, he doesn’t know most of the words, but he pushes through almost the entire song, dancing with his hands and snapping his neck.

Shaq’s the best.

Pictures from the Midsummer Night’s Dream Party at the Playboy Mansion, Just Because

hef-and-girlfriends

Their PR chick sent ‘em over, and some of them are pretty sexy. Except for the one Scott Baio’s in. But please check out the one of Shaq, whose right hand basically spans the length of some chick’s torso.

I was just thinking about this tonight. You know, I’m tired of people saying there’s no way to tell how big a guy’s penis is until you get his pants off. There’s pretty much a direct relationship between hand/foot size and penis size. Like, I’d say you can predict with about 95% certainty how large a guy’s penis is going to be by checking out the size of his hands. Why isn’t this more common knowledge? Why are girls always like, “It’s so unfair, they know how big our tits are, but we don’t know how big their penises are.” Yes you do. Look at his hands. Here’s my theory: The media is predominately run by men with small hands.