Oh no, not Justin and Selena! They can’t break up! Not after all they’ve been through! How could this be? Does true love even exist anymore? What other tragedies could this week possibly have in store?
All right, now that I’ve gotten my impressive melodramatics out of the way, I can get to letting you guys in on what supposedly happened. Yes, there’s a rumor that Selena dumped Justin, just like there’s been rumors for the past few weeks. First, the story was that Selena had a problem with Justin’s relationship with Chris Brown, but now, it seems like she thinks Justin is just too immature for a serious relationship. And yeah, that’s totally fair reasoning, but Selena, girl, it really took you eight months to get that?
Still, I don’t buy this story completely, not yet. I’m an optimist, goddamnit, and I believe in the miracle of love!
August 22, 2011 at 3:30 pm by Emily
Isn’t this what we all do at the pool, ladies? Consume *bad, bad food and check out our areolas? I know that’s what I do when I spend the day swimming. But maybe we’re wrong about the boob-checking thing – maybe she’s just looking for lost chip fragments. I know those bitches are sharp when you roll over on them, and she’s probably just saving herself the pain and embarrassment of waking up after her sun nap with crunched-up, half-eaten tortillas all over her chest.
*I don’t see the nachos either, but that’s what the news agency is saying. Maybe she’d already eaten them by this point, I just don’t know.
August 1, 2011 at 6:30 am by Sarah
Yup, so this is what the Selena Gomez who is totally not sleeping with the underage Justin Bieber is wearing for her latest concert. Last night, Selena kicked off her US tour in Boca Raton, Florida, and debuted some skimpy, heading for Rihanna territory-type costumery (please and thank you).
Also. I need you guys to be totally candid with me: is this girl even really all that talented, or do people just go see her because she’s Justin Bieber’s girlfriend? And if the latter is the case, what will become of Selena Gomez in the end?
July 29, 2011 at 11:30 am by Sarah
“Love is beautiful. It’s hard but so wonderful. You should enjoy it and make sure the person betters you. I’ve been told I keep my heart guarded. My advice is to have fun and to be prepared for anything.”
Selena-girl here has some valid points. Shall we break them down, one by one?
1 – Love is beautiful.
Sure. Sure it is. Ever see The Notebook? OK. Case and point.
2 – It’s hard, but so wonderful.
OK. With you there, too. Not everything is rosy all the time.
3 – You should enjoy it and make sure the person betters you.
Best quip so far. Totally true. I mean, who wants to be in a relationship with a person that sucks, and by the very act of sucking, makes you suck, too?
4 – I’ve been told to keep my heart guarded.
Yeah, but don’t guard it too much or you’ll turn into an ICE QUEEN.
5 – My advice is to have fun and be prepared for anything.
Like … what, surprise babies?
Like I said, girlfriend’s got some valid points. And the might be even more valider* if the world knew she wasn’t knocking boots with a seventeen-year-old boy who punches cakes for fun, you know?
*I know, OK? I KNOW.
July 22, 2011 at 7:30 am by Sarah
How would you feel if Justin Bieber crashed your wedding? I mean, I think Selena would be fine, it’d just be like, “hey, someone brought their adorable preteen daughter, that’s cool,” but if The Biebz himself dropped by with all his swagger, just shaking his glorious hair and raising the douchiness in the atmosphere, it might be a little too much.
Here’s what happened:
According to our sources at Rob and Jeanine McCool’s wedding … Bieber and Gomez were strolling on the beach when they heard Justin’s hit “One Less Lonely Girl” playing at the reception — inside the historic and shi shi Adamson House.
We’re told Justin snuck up on some guests — who predictably OMG’d and LOL’d — and then hopped on the mic, saying … “We just crashed it. We heard a party so we decided to just come. So let’s party.”
Biebs and Selena only stayed for about 10 minutes to pose for pics — including some with the happy couple — and then bolted.
Yeah, if “One Less Lonely Girl” plays at your wedding, then either you’re a grown ass adult with Bieber Fever, you have a cruel DJ, or you have a hilarious inside joke involving the song (I do, you guys. I really do). But no matter what the reason, I’d still get pretty upset if beautiful, beautiful Justin stole the spotlight on my special day. I’d have to instruct the boy to take his lady and his loose morals and hightail it away from my sacred union. What about you?
July 18, 2011 at 3:30 pm by Emily
So this was a photo that Selena Gomez recently put up on her Twitter. Cute, isn’t it? Little Justin Bieber-loving boobs hanging out and all. Totally appropriate for eighteen years old, right? I mean, it’s not as if she’s Miley-effing-Cyrus and needs to front like she’s all that innocent anymore. Not that, you know, Miley ever was any good at that or anything. But hey. Got to give the girl some credit. She’s Justin Bieber’s girlfriend, and that’s a hard, hard shadow to try and eclipse.
Do what you gotta do, girl!