I just remembered that Sarah Palin’s Alaska is soooo close to coming into our lives, you guys. The TLC site has a bunch of pictures and videos up, and while neither make me respect Sarah Palin or the state of Alaska, I still think this is going to be must-see TV. You have to click over to the TLC site to see it, but there’s a clip of of Sarah scaling some mountain and the whole time she’s like, “Ugh! Ehhhh! God help me!”

And I was like, “LOL!!!!”

It’s really a shame that this whole “Sarah Palin existing and being known to us” thing has gone on for so long, but I’m glad that the freak at least settled on reality TV instead of politics. It’s where she’s always belonged.

So I woke up this afternoon (and I don’t need your judgement for that part) to discover a dream I never knew I had had come true.

There’s going to be a special episode of Kate Plus 8 in which the family takes a trip to Alaska and – wait for it! – goes on a camping trip with Sarah Palin!  The glee is nearly too much to handle!

The story, which Kate’s people haven’t commented on, was originally reported by In Touch:

“Sarah, Kate and the kids will go camping,” a source says, adding that Sarah’s father, a retired science teacher, and brother, a third-grade educator, will conduct a hands-on natural history lesson for 9-year-old twins Mady and Cara, and 6-year-old sextuplets Aaden, Joel, Collin, Leah, Hannah and Alexis. A mother of a big family herself, former vice presidential candidate Sarah is thrilled about the upcoming visit. “She’s excited because it will be fun and educational for the children. Sarah will even teach Kate how to avoid bears!” the insider adds.

I have never seen an episode of Kate Plus 8 before, but you better believe I will be tuning in if this episode is real.  I want to learn elementary science alongside Kate Gosselin.  I want Sarah Palin to indirectly teach me how to avoid bears.  And I’m pretty sure I want to play a drinking game while doing all of that.

Us Weekly reports that — wait for it, wait for it — Levi Johnston and Bristol Palin are engaged. Again!

Bristol and Levi, 20 — who famously called off their previous engagement two weeks after welcoming son Tripp in December 2008 — tell Us Weekly they reconnected three months ago while working out a custody plan for their 18-month-old son.

“I really thought we were over,” Levi tells Us Weekly. “So when I went, I had no hope. I think we both just started talking — and then we took Tripp for a walk.”

Says Bristol, “When he left that night, we didn’t hug or kiss, but I was thinking how different it was. He texted me: ‘I miss you. I love you. I want to be with you again’ … I was in shock.”

And it’s funny, too, since Levi just released a statement as to how “sorry” he was to Sarah Palin and family for his prior indiscretions. Good timing, Lee. Good-assed timing. But not a good-assed reveal, because I’m gathering from the interview that the couple spoke to Us before they let Sarah know:

Says Bristol, “It is intimidating and scary just to think about what her reaction is going to be. Hopefully she will jump on board.”

Oh, snap, Bristol. Looks like you’re gonna be cut out of the political suicide family inheritance this time. No, but really. These two are just kids.  Kids! We can expect that they’ve made mistakes in their past (I’m lookin’ at you Mr. Playgirl Playmate), and I’m sure they’re trying to rectify whatever personal damage was done between the two of them (and Sarah Palin … and the media … and the eyes that saw Levi Johnston’s johnson), so I really think we should back off these guys, give them a little room and see what they can do.  They just better remember that they’re not the only ones at stake, here: there’s an adorable little baby involved, too, and that child doesn’t need the drama that having kids at a very young age can stir up.

What do you guys think? Will this little family be left alone, or do you think that Palin’s supporters are going to try and sabotage this reunion at any cost?

There’s been a lot of rumors about Sarah Palin getting breast implants, but she wants you to know that’s not the truth.

“No, I have not had implants.  A report like that is about as real and truthful as reports that [my husband] Todd and I are divorcing or that I bought a place in the Hamptons or that [my son] Trigg is not my own child.”

She also says the cause of these rumors are “bored, idle bloggers and reporters with nothing else to talk about.”  Hey, don’t hate, Sarah. It’s hard out here for a pimp.

The teenage-mom-ed Palin sits down with Harper’s Bazaar for their June issue and covers pretty much every topic from being a teenage mom, working full-time to support her two-person family and why, in fact, her two-person family isn’t a three-person family.

On Playgirl posing Levi Johnston and dating other guys:

“I just ignore it. He is a stranger to me,” she says, visibly rattled by the mention of Johnston’s name, though she refrains from saying more. “I don’t want to get into it. It’s just dirty laundry.” She is not seeing anyone at the moment: “I’m in no rush. One day I’ll find a nice guy.”

On her supposed lack of money to do, well … anything:

“I don’t ever have time for friends or anything like that,” she sighs. “It’s just like, ‘Right, crap, there is a hockey game tonight that I want to go to but I can’t.’ Or, ‘I do have to go to work today, because I’ve got bills to pay’.”

On finding out she was pregnant:

“It was kind of humiliating,” she sighs as she clears boxes of pizza and bowls of Doritos and Skittles. “Great, I’m 17 years old, I’m 40 pounds overweight with a big belly on me, all my friends are at school watching this on the news. This kind of sucks … I remember sitting on the couch with one of my best friends and Levi, and I just couldn’t spit it out. I was like, ‘Mom, Mom.’ I was bawling my eyes out. She was like, ‘What’s wrong?’ And I was like, ‘I’m pregnant.’ And she was like” — Bristol stops and mimics a gasp — “Oh my God. Holy crap. But once that part was over with and Tripp was here, it was just like, this baby is a blessing.”

On her maternal-ness and domesticity:

“I know I’ll be a hockey mom.”

On her future as a businesswoman:

“I want to pursue the opportunities I have now. I want to do public speaking and cause campaigning. I want to write a book.” (Before interviews, her mother advises, “Just smile, be positive, be confident.”)

And naturally, her non-predilection for President Obama’s administration and how things would be oh-so much better if her mom, Sarah Palin, had been voted in:

“I think he is making more Americans become dependent on government, and he’s acting like government can and should take care of everyone. That is completely contrary to what made America a great nation. We should be expected to take responsibility for ourselves.”

So, now that she’s a big girl and on her own, what do you think of Bristol Palin?

I know that when I think about the short list of things I want to learn about and people I want to learn about them from, “Alaska” and “Sarah Palin” are right at the very top. Thankfully, Discovery Communications has decided to pick up Sarah Palin’s documentary-style program, imaginatively titled “Sarah Palin’s Alaska” (LOL), and it’s rumored that Mark Burnett Productions will be earning about $1 million per episode. In terms of first-season cable TV money, that’s a pretty serious paycheck.

Here’s the question though: Who is going to watch this? Are there enough families out there that respect Palin and want them to educate their child about Alaskan wildlife when it’s not exactly the hardest information to come by? Let’s put it this way: If this show does well, we should all be more afraid than ever.