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Sanjaya Malakar

7Rod Blagojevich Can’t Leave U.S. to Film “I’m a Celebrity …”

Blagojevich IndictedHells yeah! You guys remember how pissed I was that NBC had asked ousted Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich to appear on their summer craptacular, I’m a Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here! So I’m absolutely delighted to hear that a judge has denied his request to leave the country to film the show in Costa Rica. (Rod is currently out on bail awaiting his trial for selling Barack Obama’s Senate seat to the highest bidder.)

NBC said in a statement that they have no plans to move filming to the US to allow this asswipe to participate.

Meanwhile, American Idol also-ran Sanjaya Malakar has joined the cast, along with Janice Dickinson, Geraldo Rivera and Duane “Dog the Racist Bounty Hunter” Chapman (another choice I disagree with).

April 21, 2009 at 2:14 pm by Evil Beet

9The Sanjaya Memoir???

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ZOMG.

When you’re releasing your “memoirs” at the age of 19, it can only go downhill from there.

Along with his EP, due January 20, Sanjaya Malakar will be releasing a book, Dancing To The Music In My Head: Memoirs Of the People’s Idol. It follows him from his pre-fame days to his rise through the reality competition to life after “Idol.”

Wow, dude, you’re like almost a full two years late on capitalizing on this shit. That memoir needed to hit bookstores in, like, May 2007. Good luck with this, kiddo. When you’re ready to talk about your extreme gayness, then you’ll sell books.

January 8, 2009 at 9:39 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Sanjaya Malakar

16How Can This NOT Be a Gigantic Hit???

Here’s a lovely clip of Sanjaya Malakar performing his new song “A Quintessential Lullaby” in what I can only assume is the Build-a-Bear store of some mall in Renton or some shit. Sanjaya’s new album, Dancing to the Music in My Head, comes out January 20, and you can preview some more of the tracks here.

I’m hoping the album cover is a photo of the back of Sanjaya’s head, his hair braided out to spell the word “FAIL,” because that’s what this shit is gonna be.

January 6, 2009 at 10:21 am by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Sanjaya Malakar

4Sanjaya Malakar is Selling Insurance

I mean, not door-to-door or anything, although nothing would make me happier.

Sanjaya’s going to appear in a commercial for Nationwide Insurance.

In the commercial, Sanjaya visits a wise man who tells him he needs a retirement plan — and a haircut. Ahhhhhhh ha ha ha ha ha ha! THE WIT! Those wacky insurance ad guys! What will they dream up next? Oooh, I know! We could have Shaquille O’Neal in a commercial. And make some sort of joke about how he’s tall!

I have to hand it to Sanjaya, though — he’s managed to drag his fifteen minutes out about as long as anyone can while still clinging to a shred of dignity. I talked to a guy at the gym today who’s working on a show about Extreme Arm-Wresting. Apparently it’s like normal arm wrestling, but you can use your free hand to punch. Kicking is legal, too. When the sport initially began, they tethered the competitors’ arms together, but soon learned that resulted in too many injuries. Anyway, here the point. The star of the show? Danny Bonaduce.

Yeah.

August 21, 2008 at 12:26 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Sanjaya Malakar

34Sanjaya Malakar: Shirtless and Loving It

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If I’m going to go on rants about gun control, I suppose the least I can do is help you get the taste of the real world out of your mouth by posting these new photos of American Idol also-ran Sanjaya Malakar shirtless. In a lovely Spanish-style kitchen.

I just want you guys to help me think this through.

Did he set the camera up on a tripod or was there an accomplice? In any case, the words “I should take a picture of myself shirtless; someone might like that” were either spoken or, at the very least, thought. “And with what should I adorn myself and my ripped little arms for this photo shoot? Why, New Zealand boxers, of course! And bracelets! And what’s an appropriate locale for such an image? What would best work to accentuate my manly sex appeal? My mother’s kitchen, I think. With the pots and the fronds and the faux-marble counters. Oh, yes. Little girls everywhere will totally grab their pillows and masturbate to this one. For real, though, make sure you get the wall-mounted TV in the frame. I want people to be subtly reminded that I was on television once. I am a sexy, televised beast.”

Seriously. Shoot me in the head. But not with a gun; I’m currently in a guns-are-bad phase. Use an arrow or something. Or smack me over the head with a large pot. I hear there’s one in Sanjaya Malakar’s kitchen.

March 1, 2008 at 2:07 am by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Sanjaya Malakar