Listen, blondie. We can still see you.
Try as you might to hide yourself behind your new boyfriend Ryan Phillippe, we can still see you.
I am sure that, ordinarily, you are great at hide-and-seek. You can hide behind things like trees and light poles and mailboxes and stop signs. You can probably fold yourself to fit into small compartments. You can shimmy into the narrowest crawlspaces. I have no doubt.
But if you really don’t want to look like you’re the girl currently dating Ryan Phillippe, I recommend just walking forward like a normal person, doing your very best to not duck and hide behind Ryan Phillippe. Because the ducking, that is what actually looks suspicious.
Worse, it makes you look like you’re embarrassed to be dating Ryan Phillippe—almost as if you wouldn’t be caught dead dating Ryan Phillippe.
Unless… whoa, wait a minute! Oh, no! Are you embarrassed to be dating Ryan Phillippe? Oh, hon! I understand. I do. In that case, go ahead and hide.
(Gallery via Celebuzz.)
I could tell just how worried everyone was yesterday when you learned that Ryan Phillippe was ending his acting career. I was in the exact same boat – what, you think just any pretty boy can do the kind of work Ryan did in MacGruber? – but now we can file yesterday away as just a terrible, disturbing dream and go back to watching Cruel Intentions for the 57th time, because Ryan’s not going anywhere:
Despite a report that Ryan Phillippe is planning on quitting acting, a rep for the actor told Access Hollywood.com that is actor is, in fact, not retiring from Hollywood anytime soon. “He’s been talking about expanding his talents to producing and directing, but he has no plans to stop acting nor did he ever say that he was considering doing so,” his rep told Access.
I don’t believe I’ve ever let out such a sigh of relief. Whoever misconstrued Ryan’s original statement to make it seem like he was going to hide his light under a bushel basket should be very strongly reprimanded for causing such agony. Are you getting my heavy-handed sarcasm yet? Nobody cares about Ryan Phillippe, but he’s going to keep on truckin’ anyway. That’s what this has all been about, and, in a way, that’s the the saddest part of all.
“I think I’m going to end my acting career. I’m so introverted. I’m ready to go behind the scenes. I’m 36 years old, but I’ve been doing this for 20 years. It’s so hard to go out in L.A. I’m going to move. I’m going to spend a third of my year in New York.”
Cue the sad and dramatic violin music as we all weep bitter tears that Ryan Phillippe will no longer be stunning us with performances such as that in I Know What You Did Last Summer, Crash, and his latest stint on WWE Raw.
Nah, I’m kidding. Phillippe had a much more interesting repertoire than just those movies above, but no one – NO ONE – thought Ryan Phillippe was as great and epic as Ryan Phillippe did.
Catch you later, boyfriend.