Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Rosie O'Donnell

Rosie O’Donnell Smokes The Good Shit

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Rosie O’Donnell is in a pretty shitty situation. She and wife Michelle Rounds are in the midst of a messy divorce and Rounds is trying to get custody of their 2-year-old daughter, Dakota. Her reasoning for this is claiming that Rosie isn’t a fit parent (despite the fact that she has several other children and has done a fine job). In order to get what she wants, she’s also accused Rosie of being a druggie, and a drug test has indeed proven that she smokes weed. Big whoop, right?

From Radar Online:

Rounds accused O’Donnell of “excessive use of booze and weed” in previously filed court documents, so the former TV star submitted to the test to settle the issue once and for all, The Enquirer says.

But unfortunately for O’Donnell, “It came back positive for drugs,” an insider told the magazine. “When Rosie found out, she was furious!”

“She’s been trying to hide her drug use for a long time, and she didn’t realize that marijuana stays in your system for a number of months.”

The shocking results is expected to be revealed during the warring couple’s next court appearance on Wednesday, the source added, and O’Donnell could face further medical and psychological testing as a result.

Said the source, “It could blow up her chances of getting custody!”

I mean, come on, that’s absolutely ridiculous. Like, my stoner days are over, mostly because I’m too much of a workaholic now and weed makes me lazy as hell, but I also don’t think smoking up is the devil’s work. It’s not like she’s doing it around the kids (one would assume – if she is, that’s obviously an issue) and it seriously does not make a person an unfit parent because they like to zone out and get stoned every once in a while. Like, what? Unless further details come out that paint Rosie in a bad light (that could be proven), I’m Team Rosie on this one all the way. Also, her wife is kind of an asshole for putting their daughter in the middle of all this.

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Rosie O’Donnell’s Ex Wants Custody (Or Just Money)

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Earlier this year, Rosie O’Donnell and wife Michelle Rounds decided to end their marriage after a little less than three years together. Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like things are going to end peacefully, because Michelle has applied for full custody of their daughter Dakota – a movie Rosie’s people say is all about money.

From TMZ:

Rosie O’Donnell is fighting back against her estranged wife, and sources connected with Rosie say the wife is going for full custody of their daughter for one reason … money.

Michelle Rounds is filing legal docs Tuesday, asking for full custody of their 2-year-old daughter Dakota. Michelle’s lawyer told the New York Post full custody is necessary to protect the child’s “general welfare.”

But our Rosie sources are scoffing, saying that the couple has a prenup and this is nothing more than a money play, adding Rosie is a “devoted mother” and her parenting skills and dedication are well-documented.

The sources say Michelle is trying to hit Rosie where it hurts the most so she’ll open her wallet. One source says, “Michelle can’t even raise a dog … she’s given multiple dogs away.”

Well, that’s always nice, having your kids caught between petty ass adults. Definitely a great lesson to teach them. Of course, if Rounds is motivated – as her lawyer claims – by wanting to protect the best interest of the children, then that’s one thing. But Dakota isn’t Rosie’s only child – far from it. Clearly Rounds doesn’t doubt Rosie’s skills as a parent, so what gives?

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Rosie O’Donnell Leaves “The View” — And Her Marriage

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Big news and big changes for Rosie O’Donnell this weekend. She’s getting separated and she’s leaving The View. Why? Well, it seems the two are not separate issues, but are linked. From PEOPLE:

The 52-year-old comedian announced Friday that she’s refocusing her life after separating from wife Michelle Rounds.

“She’s focused on her kids now. This is the right thing for her to do,” her rep Cindi Berger tells PEOPLE. “The stress of a daily live talk show is a lot – and the separation is a lot, and you reach a certain point where you have to put health and family first, and she has.

“She had a wake up call in 2012, a near fatal heart attack, and her doctors told her, ‘You have to take care of yourself, you have five children.’ Reliving her heart attack as she went through the editing process of her [HBO] heart documentary was sobering for her.”

HOWEVER, a source from The View says the truth is that O’Donnell is leaving because of drama on the set, of the Whoopi Goldberg variety.

When O’Donnell came back in September alongside new co-hosts Rosie Perez and Nicolle Wallace, she expected to be the “de facto moderator,” the show insider says. But View vet Whoopi Goldberg was also a head of the table.

“Once it became clear that Whoopi would not in any way be taking a backseat to her, it became all the more difficult for Rosie to reconcile the fact that she was so diametrically opposed to so many of the things Whoopi had to say, from her support of [Bill] Cosby to her position on foreign invasions, to more recent events,” the insider says.

“It was bad enough that Whoopi was sitting in what Rosie considered “her” seat … but to sit there and spout things that made Rosie’s blood boil, was almost too much to take,” the insider continues. “What made it even worse was that Rosie didn’t even really expect this from Whoopi – she thought the two of them might be somewhat aligned ideologically, and that Nicolle would be the one she’d clash with.”

Okay, look, I’m gonna come out and say that I don’t watch The View, so I can’t really comment on this and know what I’m talking about, but I will say that both Goldberg and O’Donnell are very strong personalities, and when you have two strong personalities like that, they either get along swimmingly or they clash horribly. It could very well be that O’Donnell couldn’t handle giving up her spotlight to Whoopi, or it could also very well be that in the midst of a separation, a daily talk show is too much for her to handle right now. Both sound kind of like bullshit reasons to me, TBH, but hey, it’s not my life, it’s hers, and she doesn’t have to justify anything. Live your life, Rosie O’Donnell! Be well! Etc etc.

Anyone who actually watches The View wanna tell me about what they think is the real reason for Rosie leaving? Was there lots of noticeable tension between the two talk show stars?

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Rosie O’Donnell Had a Heart Attack

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And she nearly died. From Rosie’s personal blog:

its a semi-sunny monday
the light bouncing off the flat hudson
mish is sitting next to me
i am happy to be alive

last week i had a heart attack

here is what happened
on tuesday morning
while walking in a parking lot in nyack
i heard a loud commanding voice

“can u help me”

more of a demand than request
a challenge – a plea
i turned and saw an enormous woman
struggling to get out of her car

she was stuck

“can u help me? she asked again
as i walked toward her
“oh u r rosie odonnell”
yes i am

the ghost of christmas future
me – if i did not wake
there r no accidents i thought
as i braced myself and lifted her

it was not easy
but together we did it
she was up and on her way
with gratitude

a few hours later my body hurt
i had an ache in my chest
both my arms were sore
everything felt bruised

muscular – i thought
strained or pulled tissue
i went about my day
the pain persisted

i became nauseous
my skin was clammy
i was very very hot
i threw up

maybe this is a heart attack
i googled womens heart attack symptoms
i had many of them
but really? – i thought – naaaa

i took some bayer aspirin
thank god
saved by a tv commercial
literally

i did not call 911
50% of women having heart attacks never call 911
200,000 women die of heart attacks
every year in the US

by some miracle i was not one of them
the next day i went to a cardiologist
the dr did an EKG and sent me to the hospital
where a stent was put in

my LAD was 99% blocked
they call this type of heart attack
the Widow maker
i am lucky to be here

know the symptoms ladies
listen to the voice inside
the one we all so easily ignore
CALL 911

save urself
xxx

Horrifying. I am so, so glad that Rosie’s OK. I can’t even imagine how scary this must have been, and I marvel at how genuinely thankful she sounds in this, her poem, to still be alive.

Quotables: Lindsay Lohan is Way Better Than Rosie O’Donnell

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“Who the hell is Rosie O’Donnell to judge anyone, especially Lindsay, who has far more talent than Rosie ever had? Lindsay’s talent isn’t limited to being a comedian or getting notoriety for adopting and raising a bunch of kids. Sure, [Lindsay] has her pitfalls, but she is 25, and how old is Rosie? Two failed talk shows, a failed marriage, etc … He/she who is without sin. May they cast the first stone.”

This is Michael Lohan, telling the world that Rosie O’Donnell is a big old piece of shit in comparison to his gem of a daughter, Lindsay Lohan, or as Emily so lovingly dubbed her earlier today, Ol’ Flop Lip. Which is staying. It’s staying FOREVER, because it made me laugh harder than probably anything has all week. Ol’ Flop Lip. Good God.

Anyway, Rosie O’Donnell was quoted as saying something like how there’s no way Lindsay’s going to be able to pull off playing Liz Taylor, and while yes, we all agree with her, saying this kind of stuff out loud is like shooting a dead dog. It’s just cruel and it’s kind of morbid. And it makes Michael Lohan open his mouth and say things, and I’m sorry, but that just never ends well. Normally it ends with a woman being kicked in the genitals, and we all know how uncomfortable that is for everyone involved.

Last, can we just drop this Lindsay Lohan-Liz Taylor thing? Because even if she does fabulously, it doesn’t count for a damn thing. IT’S A LIFETIME MOVIE, FOR F-CK’S SAKE.

Rosie O’Donnell and Chelsea Handler Offend Little People

Don’t get me wrong: I think it’s great that Chelsea Handler employs dwarves on both her late-night talk show, Chelsea Lately, and her sitcom, Are You There, Chelsea? That’s super.

But this interview with Rosie O’Donnell is a little much.

Pop2it:

“I’m a little ashamed about it … [but] I have a mild fear or anxiety around little people,” says O’Donnell. She then asks Handler if Handler has ever slept with a little person.

Handler responds, “No, that would be child abuse. I’d never do that.”

Which is apparently part of O’Donnell’s problem. “I can’t put the two things together. This is an adult person, but it’s a little person, but they have adult… it’s so hard for me.”

“I love little people. Whatever you have, I have the opposite. I want to tackle them. I see them and I have to hold myself down. I bite Chuy sometimes. He comes into my office and he’s so cute. That’s my ultimate body, if you’re going to have a little person. I want that shape, the corpulence,” says Handler.

Um, wow. Like, there is nothing wrong with having a sense of humor, but uhhhh. These “humorous” comments overstep into “pretty repugnant.”

The article at Pop2it struggles to assess which viewpoint is “worse”: Rosie cops to being outright phobic, but is the way Handler fetishizes and exoticizes little people even creepier, maybe?

Not surprisingly, Little People of America has taken umbrage with both comediennes’ remarks:

LPA has a bigger problem with O’Donnell’s comments, because O’Donnell attributes her feelings to heredity. “My Nana was afraid of the ‘Wizard Of Oz’ munchkins,” O’Donnell told Handler.

[Spokesperson Leah Smith] says the comedian is perpetuating “fear-based attitudes.”

“Instead of perpetuating these fears, let’s learn how to accept differences,” Smith said.

…Smith said the group is angry, but doesn’t plan a boycott of either performer.

“We’d rather start a discussion and deal with the issue head on,” she said. “No other group is marginalized like this.”

Dude, you know who comes out of this whole thing looking awesome? Leah Smith does. Low-five, LPA.