Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Rosie O'Donnell

Rosie O’Donnell Had a Heart Attack

photo of rosie o'donnell pictures photos
And she nearly died. From Rosie’s personal blog:

its a semi-sunny monday
the light bouncing off the flat hudson
mish is sitting next to me
i am happy to be alive

last week i had a heart attack

here is what happened
on tuesday morning
while walking in a parking lot in nyack
i heard a loud commanding voice

“can u help me”

more of a demand than request
a challenge – a plea
i turned and saw an enormous woman
struggling to get out of her car

she was stuck

“can u help me? she asked again
as i walked toward her
“oh u r rosie odonnell”
yes i am

the ghost of christmas future
me – if i did not wake
there r no accidents i thought
as i braced myself and lifted her

it was not easy
but together we did it
she was up and on her way
with gratitude

a few hours later my body hurt
i had an ache in my chest
both my arms were sore
everything felt bruised

muscular – i thought
strained or pulled tissue
i went about my day
the pain persisted

i became nauseous
my skin was clammy
i was very very hot
i threw up

maybe this is a heart attack
i googled womens heart attack symptoms
i had many of them
but really? – i thought – naaaa

i took some bayer aspirin
thank god
saved by a tv commercial
literally

i did not call 911
50% of women having heart attacks never call 911
200,000 women die of heart attacks
every year in the US

by some miracle i was not one of them
the next day i went to a cardiologist
the dr did an EKG and sent me to the hospital
where a stent was put in

my LAD was 99% blocked
they call this type of heart attack
the Widow maker
i am lucky to be here

know the symptoms ladies
listen to the voice inside
the one we all so easily ignore
CALL 911

save urself
xxx

Horrifying. I am so, so glad that Rosie’s OK. I can’t even imagine how scary this must have been, and I marvel at how genuinely thankful she sounds in this, her poem, to still be alive.

Quotables: Lindsay Lohan is Way Better Than Rosie O’Donnell

photo of michael lohan pics

“Who the hell is Rosie O’Donnell to judge anyone, especially Lindsay, who has far more talent than Rosie ever had? Lindsay’s talent isn’t limited to being a comedian or getting notoriety for adopting and raising a bunch of kids. Sure, [Lindsay] has her pitfalls, but she is 25, and how old is Rosie? Two failed talk shows, a failed marriage, etc … He/she who is without sin. May they cast the first stone.”

This is Michael Lohan, telling the world that Rosie O’Donnell is a big old piece of shit in comparison to his gem of a daughter, Lindsay Lohan, or as Emily so lovingly dubbed her earlier today, Ol’ Flop Lip. Which is staying. It’s staying FOREVER, because it made me laugh harder than probably anything has all week. Ol’ Flop Lip. Good God.

Anyway, Rosie O’Donnell was quoted as saying something like how there’s no way Lindsay’s going to be able to pull off playing Liz Taylor, and while yes, we all agree with her, saying this kind of stuff out loud is like shooting a dead dog. It’s just cruel and it’s kind of morbid. And it makes Michael Lohan open his mouth and say things, and I’m sorry, but that just never ends well. Normally it ends with a woman being kicked in the genitals, and we all know how uncomfortable that is for everyone involved.

Last, can we just drop this Lindsay Lohan-Liz Taylor thing? Because even if she does fabulously, it doesn’t count for a damn thing. IT’S A LIFETIME MOVIE, FOR F-CK’S SAKE.

Rosie O’Donnell and Chelsea Handler Offend Little People

Don’t get me wrong: I think it’s great that Chelsea Handler employs dwarves on both her late-night talk show, Chelsea Lately, and her sitcom, Are You There, Chelsea? That’s super.

But this interview with Rosie O’Donnell is a little much.

Pop2it:

“I’m a little ashamed about it … [but] I have a mild fear or anxiety around little people,” says O’Donnell. She then asks Handler if Handler has ever slept with a little person.

Handler responds, “No, that would be child abuse. I’d never do that.”

Which is apparently part of O’Donnell’s problem. “I can’t put the two things together. This is an adult person, but it’s a little person, but they have adult… it’s so hard for me.”

“I love little people. Whatever you have, I have the opposite. I want to tackle them. I see them and I have to hold myself down. I bite Chuy sometimes. He comes into my office and he’s so cute. That’s my ultimate body, if you’re going to have a little person. I want that shape, the corpulence,” says Handler.

Um, wow. Like, there is nothing wrong with having a sense of humor, but uhhhh. These “humorous” comments overstep into “pretty repugnant.”

The article at Pop2it struggles to assess which viewpoint is “worse”: Rosie cops to being outright phobic, but is the way Handler fetishizes and exoticizes little people even creepier, maybe?

Not surprisingly, Little People of America has taken umbrage with both comediennes’ remarks:

LPA has a bigger problem with O’Donnell’s comments, because O’Donnell attributes her feelings to heredity. “My Nana was afraid of the ‘Wizard Of Oz’ munchkins,” O’Donnell told Handler.

[Spokesperson Leah Smith] says the comedian is perpetuating “fear-based attitudes.”

“Instead of perpetuating these fears, let’s learn how to accept differences,” Smith said.

…Smith said the group is angry, but doesn’t plan a boycott of either performer.

“We’d rather start a discussion and deal with the issue head on,” she said. “No other group is marginalized like this.”

Dude, you know who comes out of this whole thing looking awesome? Leah Smith does. Low-five, LPA.

Rosie’s New Lady is Moving In

Rosie O’Donnell and her ex-wife Kelli didn’t split up that long ago, but thankfully Rosie’s having no problem starting up something new. Rosie went on Oprah this week to talk all about her new relationship with girlfriend Tracy Kachtick-Anders, and it looks like Tracy’s the new Kelli because the two are planning to move in together… and blend families. That’d be a grand total of eleven kids. Rosie says of meeting Tracy for the first time, “So she got out of the car in Miami and I was, like, zoinks, you know, because she’s absolutely gorgeous and, I don’t know, I felt like I knew her right away. It was very odd.”

People was able to get the scoop from Oprah before it airs on Monday and it looks like Rosie is going to open up about her relationship with Kelli quite a bit. “Although we co-parent, we share equal time but we’re never really without them. Some are here. And that’s the way we did it. It’s free-flowing, and we do nights together, too,” Rosie says of her post-divorce parenting with Kelli. For those of you who don’t know, most of Rosie’s kids are adopted (Vivian was carried by Kelli) and her entire parenting career, including how she’s handled her divorce, has been a huge “F you” to those who say that gay couples shouldn’t be able to adopt.

Quotables

“Yummy. I love it all … It’s almost too good to be true!”

– Rosie O’Donnell describing her new relationship on her XM Radio show “Rosie Radio” today.

Does anyone else get really grossed out when people describe other people as “yummy”? Are you going to eat them? What do you mean, “yummy”? I love Rosie and I’m so glad she’s dating again after what was likely a very difficult break-up, but “yummy” has to go.

Someone’s Gotta Giiiiiirrrrrrllllfrrreeennnnn!

Rosie Steps Out With New Lady Friend

Image via Radar

Remember on Saved by the Bell when Zach and Kelly would kiss, everyone in the “audience” would be like “WoooooOoOoOOoOOooooo!” They did it on Family Matters, too. It was a very 90s sitcom thing to do. Anyway, that’s what I’ve been doing every time I’ve looked at this photo of Rosie O’Donnell and her new lady friend holding hands in Miami. It’s a blast and completely hilarious, trust me.

Rosie has been split up with her wife of five years, Kelli Carpenter, split back in October. Is this a rebound for Rosie, who has four adopted children with Kelli, or maybe something more serious? I’m assuming since we don’t even have an ID on this woman yet that it’s probably not official, but it’s nice to see that Rosie is back in the game.