Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Quotables: Roseanne Got Roasted

A photo of Roseanne

“In 1985, Roseanne went on Johnny Carson, which is every comic’s dream back then. She killed, he laughed his ass off, he gave her a thumbs up and he invited her to sit on his couch. She got validation from the king which can never be taken away from her. And I just want to say, Rosanne, you were my Johnny Carson. And thank you for the thumbs up and thank you for inviting me to sit on your couch for a little bit.”

- Tom Arnold, Roseanne‘s ex-husband, took a break from the comedy to be incredibly sweet.

Look, I know that a good many of you probably won’t really care about this, but I thought it was pretty much one of the sweetest things I’ve ever heard. Roseanne is definitely a hero of mine, and I love her to death, and to hear this lovely praise from Tom Arnold, a person she obviously hasn’t had the most fabulous relationship with, is just beautiful to me. What I’m saying is that it made me cry. Is anyone else crying?

Roseanne’s roast will air on Comedy Central next Sunday at 10:00. Let’s be sure and take some time out then to celebrate this amazing, amazing lady, all right?

Stars Without Makeup: Roseanne Barr

photo of roseanne pictures no makeup twitter pics
Roseanne recently posted a self-portrait on Twitter and captioned it ever-so-gracefully, “Fat old Jew,” when in actuality, I think she looks pretty good for turning sixty this year. Yeah, you know, it’s not the most flattering of photos, but then again, unless you’re ninety-five pounds soaking wet, anyone‘s going to look kind of funny from a flat-on-the-chest view. Duh.

Also, did you guys know that Roseanne‘s going to be roasted next month? Yeah, by Comedy Central, and it’s going to happen on August 4th. You’ll be able to catch it on Comedy Central on August 11th, if you dare. Glee‘s Jane Lynch will be hosting, and she had this to say about the event:

“I’ve long fantasized of ripping Roseanne Barr a new one. But because I don’t have the cajones to say anything offensive to her face, I will be hosting the proceedings.”

Kent Alterman, who is Head of Original Programming and Production at Comedy Central had this to say about the upcoming roast:

“Although Roseanne appears to be a demure, soft spoken woman eternally committed to the status quo, we believe under the surface is an explosive, trail-blazing cultural revolution. We are honored to Roast her. Celebrating Roseanne’s unprecedented achievements in comedy and television will surely inspire us to make this roast more reminiscent of the classic roasts, where the intimacy of friends jousting with each other came through.

All joking aside, Roseanne is pretty bad-ass. And before you even consider going ahead and calling me crazy and all sorts of other—sniff, sniff—oh-so-hurtful names for saying so, check out an interview she did with New York Magazine from back in 2011. Guaranteed you’ll be right here agreeing with me.

Roseanne Wants Willie Nelson to Be Her Vice President

A photo of Roseanne

Yes, Roseanne is still planning on running for president. If you check out her Twitter, you can see that she’s pretty serious about it, or I guess as serious as you can be while using Twitter for your presidential campaign. Another thing you can see if you check out her Twitter is that she really, really wants Willie Nelson to be her vice president, and this weekend, he accepted! But then he got confused and declined.

I’m assuming that Roseanne has mentioned Willie in her campaign before, but he didn’t respond, so she tweeted this:

Mike Tyson, Jello biafra, woody harrelson any of you’s wanna be Vice??? #callme

But a few hours after that, Willie did respond:

I would be happy to run w u After thinking about it awhile it kept sounding better Are u still interested? Love, Willie

Then Roseanne got super excited and said this:

WILLIE I THANK GOD FOR YOU!! May intelligence help us save our country!! BARR/NELSON2012

And then I guess Willie saw Roseanne’s first tweet of ideas for other possible vice presidents, and he backed out:

I see u are speaking to some1 else regarding ur vp running mate I know whoever ur choice is they will be happy to serve w u

Im not ready 2 get n2 politics I have stayed away this long I am content 2 sit on the sidelines & criticize every1 else

Good luck with your campaign. Love, Willie

Then Roseanne got upset and tried to get Willie back for a while, begging him to DM (direct message, for those of you not in the know) her:

wtf??? I told EVERYONE THAT YOU ACCEPTED, DUDE! you can’t back out now! Your country needs you!

can you DM me please?? you are in politics, you were part of a suit against Monsanto for farmers! can you please follow me 4dm

DM ME-follow me please so I can at least tell you what I am thinking–

PLEASE DON’T BACK OUT-I KNOW IT’S HARD TO BE DAVID AGAINST GOLIATH, but your country needs you-farmers need u!

Please let willie know how badly american farmers need his voice! Please Willie Please don’t change ur mind!!

I choose YOU, and want to talk to you-about all of it-dm me-

I am not going to stop until I can talk to you directly thanks

please dm me-follow me first

dm’d U!

I am waiting to speak with Willie Nelson -sent him my cell phone number & want to speak with him. I told every1 he accepted&I still want him

But alas, Willie still hasn’t responded.  Maybe it’s for the best? Or would you support Roseanne/Nelson in 2012?