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Roseanne

4Quotables: Roseanne Got Roasted

A photo of Roseanne

“In 1985, Roseanne went on Johnny Carson, which is every comic’s dream back then. She killed, he laughed his ass off, he gave her a thumbs up and he invited her to sit on his couch. She got validation from the king which can never be taken away from her. And I just want to say, Rosanne, you were my Johnny Carson. And thank you for the thumbs up and thank you for inviting me to sit on your couch for a little bit.”

- Tom Arnold, Roseanne‘s ex-husband, took a break from the comedy to be incredibly sweet.

Look, I know that a good many of you probably won’t really care about this, but I thought it was pretty much one of the sweetest things I’ve ever heard. Roseanne is definitely a hero of mine, and I love her to death, and to hear this lovely praise from Tom Arnold, a person she obviously hasn’t had the most fabulous relationship with, is just beautiful to me. What I’m saying is that it made me cry. Is anyone else crying?

Roseanne’s roast will air on Comedy Central next Sunday at 10:00. Let’s be sure and take some time out then to celebrate this amazing, amazing lady, all right?

August 6, 2012 at 5:30 am by Emily
Filed Under: Roseanne, Tom Arnold

6Stars Without Makeup: Roseanne Barr

photo of roseanne pictures no makeup twitter pics
Roseanne recently posted a self-portrait on Twitter and captioned it ever-so-gracefully, “Fat old Jew,” when in actuality, I think she looks pretty good for turning sixty this year. Yeah, you know, it’s not the most flattering of photos, but then again, unless you’re ninety-five pounds soaking wet, anyone‘s going to look kind of funny from a flat-on-the-chest view. Duh.

Also, did you guys know that Roseanne‘s going to be roasted next month? Yeah, by Comedy Central, and it’s going to happen on August 4th. You’ll be able to catch it on Comedy Central on August 11th, if you dare. Glee‘s Jane Lynch will be hosting, and she had this to say about the event:

“I’ve long fantasized of ripping Roseanne Barr a new one. But because I don’t have the cajones to say anything offensive to her face, I will be hosting the proceedings.”

Kent Alterman, who is Head of Original Programming and Production at Comedy Central had this to say about the upcoming roast:

“Although Roseanne appears to be a demure, soft spoken woman eternally committed to the status quo, we believe under the surface is an explosive, trail-blazing cultural revolution. We are honored to Roast her. Celebrating Roseanne’s unprecedented achievements in comedy and television will surely inspire us to make this roast more reminiscent of the classic roasts, where the intimacy of friends jousting with each other came through.

All joking aside, Roseanne is pretty bad-ass. And before you even consider going ahead and calling me crazy and all sorts of other—sniff, sniff—oh-so-hurtful names for saying so, check out an interview she did with New York Magazine from back in 2011. Guaranteed you’ll be right here agreeing with me.

July 10, 2012 at 11:30 am by Sarah
Filed Under: Roseanne, Roseanne Barr

3Roseanne Wants Willie Nelson to Be Her Vice President

A photo of Roseanne

Yes, Roseanne is still planning on running for president. If you check out her Twitter, you can see that she’s pretty serious about it, or I guess as serious as you can be while using Twitter for your presidential campaign. Another thing you can see if you check out her Twitter is that she really, really wants Willie Nelson to be her vice president, and this weekend, he accepted! But then he got confused and declined.

I’m assuming that Roseanne has mentioned Willie in her campaign before, but he didn’t respond, so she tweeted this:

Mike Tyson, Jello biafra, woody harrelson any of you’s wanna be Vice??? #callme

But a few hours after that, Willie did respond:

I would be happy to run w u After thinking about it awhile it kept sounding better Are u still interested? Love, Willie

Then Roseanne got super excited and said this:

WILLIE I THANK GOD FOR YOU!! May intelligence help us save our country!! BARR/NELSON2012

And then I guess Willie saw Roseanne’s first tweet of ideas for other possible vice presidents, and he backed out:

I see u are speaking to some1 else regarding ur vp running mate I know whoever ur choice is they will be happy to serve w u

Im not ready 2 get n2 politics I have stayed away this long I am content 2 sit on the sidelines & criticize every1 else

Good luck with your campaign. Love, Willie

Then Roseanne got upset and tried to get Willie back for a while, begging him to DM (direct message, for those of you not in the know) her:

wtf??? I told EVERYONE THAT YOU ACCEPTED, DUDE! you can’t back out now! Your country needs you!

can you DM me please?? you are in politics, you were part of a suit against Monsanto for farmers! can you please follow me 4dm

DM ME-follow me please so I can at least tell you what I am thinking–

PLEASE DON’T BACK OUT-I KNOW IT’S HARD TO BE DAVID AGAINST GOLIATH, but your country needs you-farmers need u!

Please let willie know how badly american farmers need his voice! Please Willie Please don’t change ur mind!!

I choose YOU, and want to talk to you-about all of it-dm me-

I am not going to stop until I can talk to you directly thanks

please dm me-follow me first

dm’d U!

I am waiting to speak with Willie Nelson -sent him my cell phone number & want to speak with him. I told every1 he accepted&I still want him

But alas, Willie still hasn’t responded.  Maybe it’s for the best? Or would you support Roseanne/Nelson in 2012?

May 14, 2012 at 10:30 am by Emily

2Guess Who’s Going to Be in Roseanne’s New Sitcom?

A photo of Roseane

Way back in August, I told you guys about how Roseanne was working on a new sitcom called Downwardly Moble. Back then, it was described as a way to “mine similar territory to her hit 1990s sitcom Roseanne: a close-knit blue-collar family living in tough economic times.” I was insanely, unbelievably excited about the prospect, and I still am. I love Roseanne to pieces, and everything she does is just fabulous. I would watch a new sitcom starring Roseanne like I would watch … I don’t know, I’m just super pumped to see this show, ok?

But listen. Listen. Now I am approximately a zillion times more excited for this show than I was before. And you know why? Because of a certain co-star who will be on the show. A very familiar co-star. Can you guess who it is? You’ll never believe it.

IT’S JOHN GOODMAN. John Goodman is going to be on Roseanne’s new sitcom, and if that doesn’t completely blow your mind, then you need to go back to the 90′s and watch a few episodes of Roseanne and reevaluate your television watching. Dan and Roseanne will be together again* and this is the best thing that ever happened.

Here’s the report from Deadline:

Roseanne co-stars Roseanne Barr and John Goodman together again. I’ve learned that, after lengthy negations, Goodman is in final negotiations to join Barr’s new sitcom, the NBC pilot Downwardly Mobile. Co-created by Barr, her boyfriend John Argent and Eric Gilliland, who will serve as showrunner, the multicamera Downwardly Mobile stars Barr as the proprietor of a mobile home park and surrogate mother to all of the unique people who live there in a challenging economy. Goodman will play a man who works at the park and has a buddy relationship with Barr’s character. Barr and Gilliland wrote the script and are executive producing with Argent. Goodman’s casting completes a bigRoseanne reunion on the pilot. Gilliland is a former Roseanne executive producer. Gail Mancuso, who spent seven years on the ABC comedy and got her start as a director there, is directing the pilot. And Downwardly Mobile’s casting director Risa Bramon Garcia with Billly Hopkins cast the pilot for Roseanne. Goodman, hot off his turn in The Artist, has several movies in the pipeline, including the Coen brothers’ Inside Llewyn Davis. He also just signed on for Trouble With The Curve. On TV, Gersh-repped Goodman most recently co-starred on Damages.

No joke, I almost cried when I read that.  Just like I almost cry every time I see a photo of John Goodman nowadays because I can’t help thinking of all the things Dan could have done in this world. Roseanne ruined me, and I can’t wait for Downwardly Mobile to do the exact same thing. You hurt so good, Roseanne!

What about you guys? Will you be watching this show?

*Hopefully this won’t be like that time that Dan had a heart attack and died and Roseanne pretended that he didn’t and gave the world the biggest mind f*ck of a series finale that I’ve ever seen. Could you imagine? I still can’t watch that episode without crying for three hours and questioning everything I’ve ever known.

February 11, 2012 at 8:00 am by Emily
Filed Under: John Goodman, Roseanne

0Roseanne for President: For Real This Time!

A photo of Roseanne

I say “for real this time” because way back in August, I told you that Roseanne had announced that she was running for president. Back then, she insisted that she was serious about running so that she could “speak on behalf of the taxpayers of this country who r dissed 2 the max.” Before that, in 2010, Roseanne went to D.C. to announce her campaign. I thought it was a joke, and that perhaps Roseanne just wanted to bring light to important political issues that she cared about, but I was wrong. Roseanne is actually running for president of the United States. Hooray?

From TMZ:

Roseanne Barr — who famously butchered the National Anthem — has filed official documents to become the Green Party’s nominee for President of the United States of America.

Barr — who has been waging a Twitter and Facebook grassroots, digital campaign — has just made it official.  She wants to carry the Green Party banner in the November election.

Barr says she’s sick of Democrats and Republicans, whom she believes are not working in the best interests of the American people.

So what, you ask, is Roseanne pushing?  The answer is simple … pot.  She wants marijuana legalized and sold strictly domestically.

As for the whole Iraq thing … she’ll get back to us.

Are there enough people who love smoking weed and watching old reruns of Roseanne to make this happen? I seriously doubt it. There might be more people who love what Roseanne stands for and her obvious passion in the things she believes in, but there is just no way that she can pull this off. I can’t tell if that makes me sad or relieved, but either way, I definitely look forward to hearing any and all speeches she has to make during her latest wacky adventure!

Do you guys think Roseanne has any place in the White House? If it comes to it, could you see yourself voting for her?

February 3, 2012 at 6:30 am by Emily
Filed Under: Roseanne

2Quotables: Roseanne Is Such A Hero

A photo of Roseanne

“I am old now: gray, wrinkled, tired, and bloated, and my joints ache, too. But I am ready to come into my full destiny—as my childhood dreams predicted—as a Neo-Amazonian Pirate Queen of my own vessel: firing cannonballs at the worldwide culture of patriarchy in the name of all that does not suck. I no longer fear moving on to a better existence than this one, which is, of course, no existence at all. Oblivion will be f*cking sweet after a lifetime at the mercy of my hormones and my biological clock and the twisted logic that produced the craving for a dominant male sex partner. I’m quite thrilled to say that at this late hour, in my autumn years, I have at last found a man who is more savant than idiot, and with whom the sparse occasions of physical enjoining of souls is quite sublime.”

- Roseanne announces that she is now a pirate queen in an article about menopause she wrote for Newsweek.

Is it crazy that I’m bookmarking this on my laptop so I can read it in about thirty years when I actually have to deal with menopause? It is, right? I should print it off and laminate it.

Anyway, I’ve always seen Roseanne as an inspiration, and I thought some of you might find something useful or uplifting in her words here. You can read the full article after the jump, and if you have a vagina and/or a sense of humor, I strongly suggest you do just that.

(more…)

November 23, 2011 at 6:30 am by Emily
Filed Under: Roseanne, Roseanne Barr
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