The whole Rita Ora and Rob Kardashian saga is something out of a Lifetime movie centered on suburban high school kids with too few things to do in town and too much internet access. Basically what happened was this: Rob and Rita were sleeping together and “hanging out”, as the young folks do, which Rob considered a relationship. That relationship ended last year because of the whole “long distance” thing being too difficult, and Rob didn’t take that so well, instead getting fat and going to his Twitter page to accuse Rita Ora of sleeping her way to the top (he’s not the first person to do this) and cheating on him with approximately 40 bros. He later took that back, but Rita is basically throwing the highest shade possible saying that it doesn’t really matter what Rob’s saying because she never considered them to be together to begin with. Got that so far? Right, on we go.
From Australia’s Daily Telegraph:
“I never thought it was actually a relationship, in all honesty.
“I never mentally defined it as ‘boyfriend, girlfriend’. When I split up with him, I said, ‘It’s because I’m never there, I don’t know how to do it’. That’s all I said, then… the rest happened. He obviously felt that creating myths was the way forward.
“But I don’t think about it. I don’t vocalise things that don’t deserve attention… In my world, things like that just aren’t important.”
Oh, snap! Though she kinda contradicted herself by saying she “split up” with him. If he wasn’t your boyfriend, there’d be nothing to split up, you’d just… stop having sex, which wouldn’t be hard since you’re never there to begin with. I can see why she’d want to get away from Rob because he’s an immature idiot who needs to stop trying to ride his family’s coattails and figure out what he wants to do with his life. Plus, any bro who retaliates for being broken up with by going on Twitter and trying to slut shame her needs a f-cking reality check, pronto.
March 5, 2013 at 12:30 pm by Jennifer
Rob Kardashian, of the Kardashian clan, apparently gained 50 pounds. Like any awesome bro, he blamed the weight gain on his relationship. Women: is there anything they can’t be blamed for? (/Simpsons quote inspired.)
Rob to US Weekly:
It’s crazy how this whole year, my whole relationship [with Rita Ora] was only negative. All I did was gain f-cking 40 pounds and lose so much money. I’m so insecure. I weigh like 215 pounds. I hate pictures. I hate everything.
SUPER sorry about that, bro. I can’t even imagine what “so much money” means to you compared to what it means to me. I’m guessing it means 3 – 5 months of my rent compared to your sneaker allowance. GOTTA STASH UP ON THOSE NEW BALANCE.
Anyway, Mr. Kardashian has been charting his weight gain on Instagram. Sometimes the first thing I do when I wake up is check Instagram and then I realize, “Wait, this isn’t even a thing. Why am I checking this like it’s the news?” But good ‘ole Rob continues to post photos of his breakfast which consist of a grapefruit and broken dreams.
Did anyone else watch him on Dancing With the Stars two seasons ago? Bro looked FIT! But he reiterates,
You probably wouldn’t know, but I’m the most insecure and overweight I’ve ever been. I’m over 200 pounds, so I want to drop weight and this will be a good start.
Good luck, Rob Kardashian. I’m sure everyone is rooting for you. Or at least 45% of people are rooting for you.
February 22, 2013 at 4:30 pm by Catherine St. Ives
“I’m so proud of my sisters, but I’ll be married before I have a baby.”
See, this is interesting for a couple reasons. For one, whatever, Rob Kardashian. That bit about the miscarriage is true, by the way: he hooked up with some girl, some random casual thing, and he didn’t use protection, and she got pregnant. It was on Khloe and Lamar even. So that seems kind of an insensitive comment, doesn’t it?
And we all know that Kourtney has two kids with her dude, and even though they’re not married, and even though her dude is kind of an asshole, they’re still in a committed relationship. It’s really not that big a deal.
But we all also know that Rob said this as a comment on Kim’s pregnancy, and because of that, his comment just doesn’t make any sense. As the lovely commenter Mercy (hey, lady!) explained, Kim is married. Like, duh! The baby isn’t going to be born out of wedlock (side note: will that make Kris Humphries the baby’s stepfather?)! Everything’s fine!
Man, 2013 looks so cool from here.
January 2, 2013 at 2:30 pm by Emily
Because we all know that it’s not Christmastime until we see how the Kardashians and the Jenners decided to come together for their annual Christmas card.
There’s a couple of interesting things here, I guess. Obviously, Kanye isn’t there, which is extremely upsetting, and also surprising. Don’t they realize how much more press they would get with this is he was on there? There’s not any trouble in Kimye paradise, is there? Heaven forbid Kim lose the latest love of her life, especially when she’s still married to her last one. Can you even imagine?
I guess the only other interesting thing is how much people care about these cards every year. When I was trying to find the best version of this photo, I found dozens and dozens of other blogs and news sites that already got the tip last night, and I don’t get it. And you know I’m not trying to do a big “why do people care about celebrities?” thing, or even a “why do people care about the Kardashians?” thing. People care about them because it’s fun to gossip, duh. But I don’t get why people care so much about these Christmas cards specifically. Is it just so we can speculate about Kim’s love life? Or to see what Bruce Jenner‘s face is up to? Because I can understand that. But otherwise, what’s the appeal?
It’s not Kim’s stupid greased back hair, that’s for sure.
December 18, 2012 at 4:30 am by Emily
Ugh. This is bad. This is so, so bad. This is definitely the worst Christmas card the Kardashians have had so far, and I’d know. We ran almost their entire collection here last year around this time.
So here it is. And for all of you lucky bastards out there who just love 3D, and who’re so rich (like the Kardashians) that you have stupid, senseless things around your house like 3D glasses, the shoot was done in 3D, TOO. You should probably play the lottery tonight, you know. This type of serendipity just doesn’t come along that often.
Me, I’m still trying to figure out the theme here. Is it “Have a Bad Photoshop Christmas”? Is it “Let’s pretend Kourtney has even half the ass that Kim does so happy holidays you bastard”? Is it “Ho! Ho! Ho! How ’bout we make Kris Humphries SOOOO JEALOUS that he missed the Christmas card by a few weeks by making the (cottage) cheese stand alone?” I don’t know. Maybe. My guess is that they were going for Marrakesh “classy” this time, but it never fails to amuse me that they confuse “classy” with “klassy,” and really, how appropriate is that?
December 19, 2011 at 3:30 pm by Sarah
Yes, a spin-off with those two little ones, that’ll do the trick! Oh, and one with the boy! And now that Khloe‘s Laker man, Lamar, got traded to the Dallas Mavericks, somebody with a camera should follow them on down to Texas! The Kardashian empire has just begun to take hold!
For real, this is all happening. See, there’s a new boss over at E!, home of the Kardashians, and she isn’t content with the three measly shows the family has now. No, she’s aiming for “two, three, even four new Kardashian spin-offs” that focus on all the crazy antics of this “beautiful” and “interesting” family. Yes, this lady called the Kardashians beautiful and interesting.
You know, I’ve been enjoying the Kardashians lately – I watched pretty much the entirety of Keeping Up with the Kardashians and I just started on Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami because it’s fun for me to watch every single trainwreck take place and it makes me giggle that people that stupid actually exist in real life – but I think we’re in a good place right now. I don’t think we need up to four new television programs about this family, do you?