0Chris Brown Is Calling Drake Gay Now, I Guess

I’d rather be gay than, well, most things – but definitely rather than being a total woman-beating shit stain, but apparently Chris Brown disagrees. Still mad that Drake got down Rihanna‘s pants ages ago, he decided to lash out at him in a remix of Young Jeezy’s ‘R.I.P’ – because the best way to prove you’re totally secure in your own manhood and not at all jealous that your girlfriend went elsewhere is to call that same dude – who also beat your ass once already -  gay. Of course.

Here’s some of Brown’s choice lyrics, which are not only poignant, but also deeply poetic:

“Dearly departed, I bought a plane I departed/ And if you started from the bottom, go on and come out the closet”

Well, okay. Considering that Drake is pretty shamelessly emo as hell, I doubt he’d have any problems coming out of the closet, if said closet existed – especially since fellow artists like Frank Ocean and Lil B have already set the precedent of acceptance in the hip hop community. Also, shut the fuck up, Chris. Seriously, just lock your lips up and throw away the key for good.

Feel free to listen to this utter garbage below (thanks, DramaLikeTheDJ):

April 1, 2013 at 12:30 pm by Jennifer

16Love The Way You Lie: Chris Brown Claims That He And Rihanna Are Not Together

Chris Brown and Rihanna are going to frustrate everyone with their relationship until they break up for good. And for one shining, glimmering moment of hope, it seemed that maybe they were done.

Chris “I Will Fight You Over Ten Dollars” Brown gave an interview with radio station Power 106. DJ Big Boy asked Brown,

All righty now, Chris, man. You and Rihanna, are y’all back together?

To which “Chris, Man” replied,

No. And that’s just [a] quick answer.

What? So you went from

1. Being photographed everywhere together, including The Grammy’s to

2.  Rihanna saying one month ago that,

It’s different now. We don’t have those types of arguments any more. We talk about [stuff]. We value each other…For a long time he was really angry… there’s so many reasons why I ever reconsidered having him in my life…He’s giving and loving. And he’s fun to be around. That’s what I love about him — he always makes me laugh…Hell yeah [I want babies], but I wish I could order them.

3. To supposedly planning a carnival wedding to

“No”?

I call bullshit. I mean, come on, was is even a question that they were back together? Idolater is also calling bullshit. They pointed out that after his answer,

Brown talked about flying out to see RiRi on tour and smiled coyly when asked about taking Twitpics with her. Not to mention Brown spoke to Ryan Seacrest earlier this week about how he and RiRi “try to keep it fun” and avoid stuffy,date-y things like candlelit dinners.

Here’s my favorite part of the interview. Brown actually says,

I’m not going to put myself in a situation where I could mess up my career.

Are you f-cking kidding me? Then why the hell did you do this? And refuse to give Frank Ocean a standing ovation? And get in a fight with Drake?

But Big Boy nodded his head in solemn agreement and gave him a thumbs-up.

Brown went on,

At the end of the day, it’s the choices I make, and me having to not put myself in [those] situations. It’s a learning process.

Big Boy said,

I heard that…we all went through it, you know?

We “all went through it”? What the hell does that mean? We “all” went through assault and battery? What exactly is Chris Brown going through that anyone can relate to?

Chris, you can smooth talk all you want, and speak eloquently and sound thoughtful and remorseful in interviews, but your actions speak so much louder than your words. Screw this DJ, screw Adele, screw Elton John, screw anyone who is buying into to his act.

March 29, 2013 at 4:30 pm by Catherine St. Ives

30Rosario Dawson to the Rescue: ‘Rihanna Doesn’t Need To Be a Role Model’

Rosario Dawson seems pretty chill. She’s had a steady stream of acting roles over the years and while she’s nothing special, she comes off as down-to-earth… and yeah, she’s pretty smokin’, as well. Since she’s doing the rounds to promote her new flick, Trance, she’s also giving interviews and sounding off on your standard fare – acting, the film’s plot and… Rihanna?

Talking to Bang Showbiz (via DigitalSpy), Dawson stuck up for the notoriously frowned upon ‘Rude Boy’ singer, saying pretty much what Rihanna herself as said (but a tad more eloquently): it’s not her responsibility to be a good role model if she doesn’t want to be.

“I don’t think individual women do have a responsibility [to set an example for others],” Dawson explained, reports Bang Showbiz.

She went on to explain: “Often they are working within a certain dynamic. Take Rihanna. To put all that responsibility on one woman is outrageous.

“I don’t think we should engage with that ‘should and shouldn’t do’, ‘should and shouldn’t wear’ and ‘should and shouldn’t look like’. We don’t do that with men.”

Here’s the thing: while I agree that a celebrity’s job is not to lead by example for whatever fans may or may not be looking up to/emulating them, I do generally do think one should use power in whatever sense for good. Then again, people should be smart enough not to do stupid things just because the stars might and if they’re kids, it’s up to the parents to enforce a particular lifestyle and restrict access to inappropriate shit, etc.

What do you think?

March 28, 2013 at 6:30 am by Jennifer

3Chris Brown Hit Rihanna Because He Had the World In His Hands, Will Try to Be More Humble In Future

Chris Brown assaulted Rihanna four years ago but he’s finally ready to “show some remorse” for beating the shit out of the woman he supposedly loves. I use quotes because this asshole isn’t sorry at all, he’s just finally decided that it’s not worth throwing chairs through the windows at Good Morning America and ripping his shirt off like The Incredible Hulk when he’s asked about it. Instead, he’ll just pretend he’s a really evolved human being who made a one time mistake, even though he’s proven himself as an utter sack of shit on numerous occasions since.

His most recent gem, during a conversation with Ryan Seacrest on his KIIS-FM radio show this week, includes blaming his penchant for domestic violence on the fact that he wasn’t quite humble enough and thought he had the world in his hands at the time. I mean, if he was just less arrogant, he never would have bashed Rihanna’s head repeatedly against that car window when she found out he was probably f-cking somebody else. Makes total sense!

“I just tried my best to be the best man I could be over the years and just show her how remorseful and sorry I was for the incident and that time was probably the worst part of my life and being that she has and she’s a wonderful person I’m eternally grateful and thankful. People are entitled to their opinions. I can’t go around blaming. It’s all about my responsibility and me growing up as a man. “

Hey, that’s funny. I can go around blaming, and I blame you, Chris Brown, for being an aggressive, homophobic, woman-beating piece of shit. See how easy that was? But wait, that’s not the best part!

“So I think now that I’m becoming older, and trying to mature in this life under the public eye at all times, I have to focus on doing the right thing and being more of a humble individual.

I think for me that at age 18, 19, I was capable of writing and producing songs, so I’m also capable of making the right choices. Being at that young age, I can tell you I was arrogant and definitely hotheaded. Everybody has a temper, but for me it was not knowing how to control it when I thought I had the world in my hands.”

Way to go on about total fucking nonsense while still manage to compliment yourself on this incredible talent you think you have. That’s the epitome of humility, Chris – way to grasp the concept! Can’t we find an empty island to throw him and Justin Bieber on so we never have to see or hear from them again?

March 27, 2013 at 9:30 am by Jennifer

25Rihanna Doctor Says She’ll Probably Die If She Doesn’t Get Her Shit Together

Rihanna seems hell bent on doing stupid shit every day, killing all her remaining brain cells with copious amounts of weed, drinking heavily, never sleeping, staying in f-cked up relationships… the list goes on and on. After being stuck with laryngitis earlier this month and forced to cancel two dates on her Diamonds world tour, it seems RiRi’s doctor has given her a pretty serious wake-up call, revealing that if Chris Brown doesn’t kill her, her hard partying lifestyle probably will.

From Heat (via 4Music):

Medical experts have now reportedly warned the songstress to slow down her hectic schedule.

“Rihanna’s illness was so severe that doctors warned it could take months for her to fully recover – there were worries that she’d have to cancel her entire tour,” a source told Heat. “They’ve told her that she needs to make some serious lifestyle changes, or risk this happening again.

“This has given her a scare. But Rihanna knows it’s partly self-inflicted. She loves to smoke, drink and stay up late. Her body was bound to need a break at some point. She’s now on a mission to start looking after herself.”

Yeah, oooookay. The day Rihanna starts “looking after herself” is the day her career is over, since she’s built so much of it on this highly sexualised, pseudo-gangster nonsense that means nothing but ultimately sells records, apparently. I say that as a Rihanna fan, as well – I eat that bullshit up with a spoon. Doesn’t mean I don’t realise how silly – and ultimately harmful – it all is.

March 25, 2013 at 12:30 pm by Jennifer

4LOL: Rihanna Supposedly Cheating on Chris Brown… with Dane Cook?!

I just sort of want to let this story speak for itself because I guarantee you it’s the most ridiculous thing you’ll hear today – or probably all week. The National Enquirer – ambassador of completely true and reliable journalism – reports that Rihanna is cheating on future husband Chris Brown in order to show him that she’s still got it and could have any man she wants. The person she’s cheating with? Wait for it… wait for it… Dane Cook.

I wonder what goes on at the National Enquirer offices. Do they all write down the most ridiculous celeb that comes to mind on a tiny slip of paper and then randomly draw the subject of their stories out of a hat? First it was Justin Bieber she was laying it on, now Dane Cook? Sure, he rivals Chris in the douchebag department, but who even cares about him at all? Like, I seriously forgot he existed.

Anyhoo…

A source said to the magazine: “[They] have been pals for years, but their friendship has heated up in recent months because Rihanna wants to show Chris that she’s still a hot commodity.

“They flirt like crazy, and Dane regularly sends Rihanna flowers and gushy emails.

“Rihanna’s friends all think they’re carrying on a romance, but she’s very secretive about it. She wants to keep everyone guessing, including Chris.”

Something in the weed ain’t fresh, though, because surprisingly, Rihanna’s reps thought this was even worth responding to and have cleared things up with GossipCop, saying that the story is “completely untrue”. Yeah, no shit, Sherlock.

March 22, 2013 at 10:30 am by Jennifer