Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Rihanna

Quotables: Rihanna Wants (Chris Brown For) a Rude Boy

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“Single life is so overrated. It sucks. I have such incredible experiences in my life. You don’t want to live your life and then meet someone. You want to share your life with someone. That’s what I’m missing right now. … [I'd] love to date somebody cool, fun, funny.”

Rihanna, on sticking her pen into the … sticking her fingers in the … Rihanna wants Chris Brown back, OK, guys? She just wants him back. There’re no ifs, ands or buts, but (damn – no buts) she wants him back. The above photo? She posted on Twitter. And you wanna know what the caption read? It read this:

“Come here Rude bwoy…”

Now, if that isn’t evidence enough that this Karreuche Tran bitch is either blind and stupid – or paid really, really well for her silence as a diversion tactic – then I don’t think I know much about anything, honestly. The proof is in the pudding, my friends, and every indicator is on these two assholes’ Twitter accounts. ‘I love u’ or ‘I love u more’ and ’1 Luv 4-ever CB’ and ‘I WANT TO F-CK RIHANNNNNAAA’ – it’s all over the place and it’s all over their faces.

You know what? If this is where it’s headed, I wish it just would already. If these two are going to get back together – if they think that they’re both healthy enough or whatever – then they need to just go ahead and get it on over with. I’m sick to death of the speculation and I’m BORED.

Too Soon? Rihanna Already Tapped to Play Whitney Houston in Biopic

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Thrift, thrift, film producers! The funeral baked meats did coldly furnish forth the ideas for your next bio-pic! (Or so the Daily Mail alleges.)

Furthermore, Rihanna is already the frontrunner in the race to play the not-long-dead Whitney Houston. The Daily Mail:

Whitney’s record label boss and close friend Clive Davis is at the helm of the project and he reportedly wants to get a script finalized as soon as possible so filming can begin.

Rihanna, 24, is in the running for the lead role as is Dreamgirls star Jennifer Hudson, 30.

Actress Vivica Fox, 47, and American Idol singer Jordin Sparks, 22, are also being considered for the movie and Will Smith’s 11-year-old daughter Willow is thought to be portraying the actress as a child.

Although movie executives are hoping Riri will sign up for the film, the “Talk That Talk” singer already turned down the chance to remake Houston’s The Bodyguard last year.

Ahem. Well, I can kind of see the resemblance: Rihanna, a talented pop star (with nothing like Houston’s range or acuity) can’t seem to tear herself away from somebody who is rapidly shaping up to be the next generation’s Bobby Brown. Who is basically another generation’s Ike Turner. Oh, my God, how many times do we need to make this movie? Ugh.

I ask again: Too soon? Or, alternatively, not soon enough? Because it was supposedly Houston’s own dream to see this movie made:

A source told People: “Whitney knew about the project and was excited to see where it would lead.

“It’s hoped the biopic will be as successful as Tina Turner movie What’s Love Got To Do With It, which landed two Oscar nominations for Angela Bassett and Laurence Fishburne who played Tina and Ike Turner.”

Uh, sure. All I’m saying is, this seems to me a pretty nasty business.

Look, It’s Another Song by Chris Brown And Rihanna!

Well, this is cute. Earlier today, Rihanna released her remix of “Birthday Cake,” featuring the musical stylings of Chris Brown. Also today, Chris Brown released this song, a remix of a song called “Turn Up The Music,” featuring the musical stylings of Rihanna. That’s what we call a united front, I reckon.

At least in Chris Brown’s song, Rihanna doesn’t have lines like “I wanna f*ck you right now.” That’s something right? She does sing “I love you, baby” towards the end though, so … I don’t know. Here, read some of Chris Brown’s latest, enlightened tweets:

Possibilities are Endless! U make a difference!

The love you withhold is the pain you carry!!!!

Awareness of your consciousness is EVOLUTION!

HOW CAN 1 influence the planet TO HELP THEMSELVES?

I just hope my music inspires people to really come together. LOVE and POSITIVITY.

Peace and blessings

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROBYN!

CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE

You are not GODS to judge us. U have no say! Positivity & LOVE! My fans make a difference!

He’s a good person, ok? Can’t you see that? These remarks he made on Twitter are totally proof of that, and they totally negate every bad thing he’s done lately. Who are we to judge him when we’ve all made mistakes? It was three years ago! Rihanna is ok with it, so what’s the problem? He said he was sorry! He’s so talented! People just have a problem with him still because of his race! Nobody hates Charlie Sheen or Mel Gibson anymore, so why can’t they let the Chris Brown thing go? He’s paid his dues. TEAM BREEZY*.

Did you like the song?

*These are all things that actual people have actually said in real life. I don’t agree with any of them.

Here’s That Song by Rihanna And Chris Brown

Last week, I let you guys know that Rihanna was doing a remix of a song called “Birthday Cake,” and that Chris Brown was going to be stepping in to add some fine singin’ and rappin’ to gross us all out. I thought it was ridiculous, natch, and I’d hoped it wasn’t true. There were even a few reports out that it was just a rumor, but no. It was real, and it happened, and you can listen to the track up there.

I just don’t know anymore. Rihanna is obviously going to do what she wants to do, regardless of what anyone says or thinks, and regardless of her own safety. I don’t want to get into all that again, because we’ve done it many a time in these parts, so instead, let’s just break this song down, all right?

Here are some of my favorite lyrics:

Rihanna: I know you want it in the worst way.

Rihanna: I’ma make you my bitch.

Rihanna: I know you wanna bite this.

Chris Brown: Girl, I wanna f*ck you right now.  Been a long time, I been missin’ your body.

Rihanna: Remember how you did it? If you still wanna kiss it, come and get it.

Rihanna: CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE

Wow, what a horrible, awful, terrible song, right? I mean, besides the implications (Chris Brown actually did bite her, didn’t he?), the actual song is just crazy bad, isn’t it? Like it’s really hard for me to wrap my head around this right now, because … I think Rihanna just repeats the word “cake” at least 100 times in this song, no joke. And I’d never really sat down and listened to any of Chris Brown’s music before, because why would I, but is that what all these people are going crazy for? This? Am I missing something? Why are people still letting him perform, is it because he’s a pretty cool dancer? I can’t figure out the appeal at all. Also he beats women.

What do you guys think of this little ditty?

Chris Brown Was at Rihanna’s Birthday Party, They’re Also Doing A Song Together

A photo of Chris Brown and Rihanna

You guys, look! Isn’t this great?! Chris Brown can stop trying to pick up women by promising them he won’t assault him, because it looks like Rihanna is really and truly taking him back! Oh, to be young and in love, am I right?

The first hint at this was when Chris attended Rihanna’s birthday party on Monday night. It was said to be an intimate little party, and the two apparently spent most of the night by each other’s side. What made it especially romantic was that Chris knew people were going to get pissed again, so he went to great measures to make sure no one found out he was there. Oops!

From TMZ:

Chris Brown was so paranoid about keeping his attendance at Rihanna’s birthday party a big fat secret — he actually tried to FORCE partygoers to sign confidentiality agreements … TMZ has learned.

Sources tell us, Chris refused to enter the private party Monday night at the famous Hearst Mansion in Beverly Hills until everyone signed an NDA — sending his henchmen in beforehand to gather every partygoer’s signature.

We’re told although they didn’t get EVERYONE to sign — Chris eventually walked in … and spent a huge chunk of the night nuzzling up against Rihanna.

According to sources, the two got real intimate — sitting next to each other, talking, and holding hands … all perfectly legal ever since the restraining order was lifted.

As for the rest of the party — we’re told it was jam-packed with celebs including Katy Perry, Bruno Mars, and Chris Martin (no Gwyneth).

Chris’ rep tells TMZ, confidentiality agreements were distributed only to workers at the party and anyone who was caught videotaping/snapping a pic of CB.

I love that Chris’ rep was all “no, shut up, he didn’t make everybody sign a confidentiality agreement, it was just the people who tried to get evidence that he was really there so they could … oh no.”

For all you curious minded readers out there who are wondering what kind of cake Rihanna might have at her birthday party, I’ll tell you: she’d have a cake shaped like a topless Rihanna straddling a big ol’ joint. Really:

And speaking of birthday cake, Rihanna has a song of the same name! She’s currently working on a remix of “Birthday Cake,” and guess who’s going to be singing and rapping on the track? Well, if you read the headline and had any sense, you’d know that it’s Chris Brown. Chris Brown and Rihanna are doing a song together. Right now.

Look, if you disagree with me on this, then we’re going to be disagreeing till the cows come home, because there’s no way that we’re just going to “get over it” because “people make mistakes.” People do make mistakes all the time: the other day, when I got home, I just left my keys in the door. All night. Just sticking right out of the lock, every single one of my keys. Someone could have seen them and just came right into my apartment! I felt really stupid after that. However, I’ve never viciously assaulted another person and I’ve never threatened to kill someone, and I’ve never spent years showing zero signs of remorse for that. What I did was normal, forgivable, and even laughable, but what Chris Brown did will never be any of those things.

But who’s going to buy that single, huh?

Love It or Leave It: Rihanna Does Something With Her Hair That I’m OK With

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Alright, so maybe not necessarily that photo there, but how about this one; it’s a much, much better picture:

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Right? Girlfriend looks kind of classy here, if it weren’t for the accompanying photos that depicted her with her ass cheeks hanging out of cutoff denim shorts. And it’s loads, loads better than the weird dried-up red color that she’s had recently, that reminds me of … well, no, never mind. You don’t want to know what it reminds me of, because it’s gross. Let’s just leave it at “Rihanna looks way better with this hair than she did with that other hair.”

But wait! Before you go and get all excited and throw a party because Rihanna is straying from her ‘Thug Life’, wait: she wasn’t trying to jazz her look up by trying to improve upon it, she was going for the “stripper” look. Yes, Rihanna claims that her hair (though she loves it!) makes her look like a stripper (along with those boots of hers):

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Cute, right? “Stripperish.” Just what the doctor ordered.

So what do you guys think about Rihanna’s new hair? Classy? Trashy? Don’t care as long as she’s showing those sweet ass cheeks of hers?

Guess Who’s Obsessed With Marilyn Monroe Now!

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Seriously. What the hell is the matter with these people? Do they not do their research? I mean, why not be obsessed with Anna Nicole Smith? Or maybe, I don’t know, Elizabeth Bathory? Honestly, REALLY go off the deep end with our unhealthy role models. Wouldn’t that be the best route at this point? Kind of cut out the middle-man altogether?

But yes, it’s true, folks: Rihanna is the latest celebrity obsessed with Marilyn Monroe and her tortured life and addictions and fame and self-esteem issues and blah blah blah. It’s so true that Rihanna’s actually doling out her hard-earned ‘Umbrella’ money on bedazzled portraits of Marilyn herself. No joke.

From the Daily Mail:

Rihanna has found a worthy cause for £100,000 of her finest sterling – after she bought a portrait of Marilyn Monroe made out of 65,000 crystals.

The Russian Roulette singer reportedly commissioned British artist Claire Milner to make the five sq ft picture of the original blonde bombshell.

The extravagant star is believed to ‘identify’ with the Gentlemen Prefer Blondes actress because she feels the same pressures of fame.

The portrait, which constantly changes colour and ‘sends rainbows of light round the room’, took four months to complete at Claire’s Yorkshire studio.

Claire, who created the 13 stone piece with 100 per cent Swarovski crystals told The Sun: ‘I tried to show the glitter of the public life and then the sadness in Marilyn’s eyes.

‘Because of who Rihanna is, everything had to be done through her interior decorators, but they told me afterwards she loved it.’

Despite lavishly splashing out on her wall hanging, and forking out even more money to ship it to her Beverly Hills mansion, the 23-year-old RnB pop princess insists she is living the ‘thug life’.

‘Thug life’ indeed. Could you imagine Marilyn Monroe, if she were living today, living the ‘thug life’? Because I, for one, cannot. How ’bout taking a leaf out of Megan Fox’s book, Rih, huh? She’s even getting rid of her Marilyn Monroe tattoo because of the miserable connotations that come along with wanting to be word-associated with Monroe. Megan Fox herself said:

“She was a negative person, she was disturbed, bipolar. I do not want to attract this kind of negative energy in my life.”

Imagine that. And Megan Fox doesn’t generally strike me to be all that introspective as it is. I can’t say that I had you pegged as more intelligent and well-thought-out than someone like Megan Fox, girl, but when someone’s running away from a chemical fire while another one’s running to it, you can’t tell me that there’s something right about that scenario. I shake my head back and forth, I shake my head back and forth.

You’re sad, you’ve been sad, you’ll continue to be sad until you drop this weird “who am I” thing you’ve got going on and just be who you are. Whoever you are. Just … figure it out behind closed doors, would you? You’re only making yourself look foolish in the long run. I don’t know if thugs care about making themselves look foolish, but I thought I’d put it out there in case you, you know, did.