Ok, I’m going to kick things off by making a list of people who need to stop sucking Chris Brown‘s dick:
- Everyone else in the whole entire world
To reiterate, if you fall into one of those categories on the list above, then you need to stop any and all lust, appreciation, or admiration for Chris Brown. Does everyone understand? I hope this handy little list will help anyone who has any confusion as to whether or not they should still give Chris Brown their money and doting affection after he viciously assaulted someone.
But hey, you know who shouldn’t be confused about this? Rihanna’s dad. Call me crazy, but I think that Rihanna’s father should be one of the people who definitely, for sure don’t want Rihanna and Chris to reunite. It looks like I was wrong on this one though:
Rihanna’s dad won’t be getting any father of the year awards, judging from a new interview.
Not only is Ronald Fenty taking credit for Rihanna’s sleek physique, saying that he prodded her to workout by calling her “fat,” he also revealed that he would be fine if Rihanna were to rekindle her romance with Brown, who plead guilty to assaulting the singer in a lover’s quarrel turned physical in 2009.
”Chris is a nice guy and everybody’s entitled to make mistakes in their life. God knows how many I’ve made,” Fenty tells the new issue of Heat magazine, when asked about the singer collaborating with her ex on two songs. “She’s her own woman now.”
Before attending the 54th annual Grammys with his daughter, whose given name is Robyn Fenty, Ronald Fenty had last seen the singer when she visited Barbados in August. He said that, at the time, the “Birthday Cake” singer was not looking her best and that he wasn’t shy about critiquing her body.
“I actually thought she was a little fat the last time I saw her,” he said. “When I saw her at this year’s Grammys, I thought she was back to her normal size. I used to joke with her, ‘Robyn,you’re getting too fat.’ But I think she’s fine. I think she looked excellent, as everyone saw, at the Grammys. She’s dieting, she’s working out.”
After two years of not speaking, Rihanna and Fenty only started communicating again in 2010. At the time of their reunion, Fenty said, “Maybe we’re not as close as we were when she was growing up here … But we are blood, we do not stay angry.”
Instead of explaining yet again why the “everyone makes mistakes” argument doesn’t apply to Chris Brown (yes, everyone makes mistakes, but beating the hell out of someone is a pretty big one, and forgiveness shouldn’t come when the person you’re aiming to forgive is not sorry at all), I’m going to take some time to talk about that ol’ fat ass, Rihanna.
Here’s a picture of that cow from back in August, exactly the time when Rihanna’s dad said she was getting too fat:
Man, what a porker, right? You think such a damn whale would have the common courtesy to cover up a little bit. She’s so fat.
Is this whole thing entirely too frustrating for anyone else?
March 9, 2012 at 4:30 am by Emily
Well of all the ridiculous, childish things … oh. Right. We’re talking about Rihanna here, the queen of ridiculous and childish. My bad.
So, the above photo? People are saying that it’s a dig at Chris Brown‘s Vietnamese girlfriend, Karreuche Tran. Why? I don’t know. The rice cakes. The Asian allusion. The black sunglasses and big, gold hoop earrings that Tran is supposedly famous for wearing all of the time. The Tweet, however, is the best part of it. It reads:
Ima make you my bitch.
Then there was also the lyric in Rihanna‘s new song, ‘Birthday Cake’, which reads, “Remember how you did it?, Remember how you fit it?, If you still wanna kiss it, Come, come, come and get it, Sweeter than a rice cake, cake worth sipping.” The song was done with Chris Brown himself. Dear God.
So anyway, of course, people – and Karreuche herself – decided that the photo and the Tweet (and the song lyric) were about her, and responded in kind:
“I’m Angeline (sic), you’re Jen. C’mon you see where Brad is at.”
This was posted on Tran’s Facebook page, which she later denied even existed. And who does not have a Facebook in this day and age. Come on.
Sigh. I just don’t even get these people. Who are they? Are they really middle-schoolers (with really, really bad tempers) in disguise? Are they trying to stir up some kind of drama to fit a half-cocked reality show plot? I don’t even know. Why is all of this fascination up and about over f-cking Chris Brown, anyway? Because, what, some people think he’s got an ample penis? Why would this Karreuche person even consider dating the douchebag after what happened a few years ago? I don’t know. Maybe she can take a punch better than Rihanna and has one of those fix-broken-men complexes. Honestly, who the hell knows. What a weird bunch of birds. Consider me completely be-f-cking-fuddled.
March 8, 2012 at 11:30 am by Sarah
This should be fun!
I should take the time to make it clear to you that when I ask about which of these ladies is trashier than the other, I’m referring to their outfits and not their whole selves. Wouldn’t that be awful, if I was like “who’s trashier, Rihanna or Katy Perry,” and then compiled a list of bullet points for each of them explaining why both of them are often tacky and classless? Man, that would be … I don’t even know. Rude? Uncalled for? An idea for tomorrow’s posts?
Anyway, let’s get back to the task at hand, which is, as you should be able to tell by now, figuring out which of these BFFs deserve the title of “Most Trashy.” I showed you the ensembles in question up in that picture, but let’s make it easier for you to analyze, all right?
This is Rihanna. A few days ago, she stepped out of a London hotel she’s currently staying in, and she was wearing thigh high leather boots, a denim shirt, studded short shorts, and another denim shirt that was tied around her waist. Tucked into the shorts. Yeah.
This is Katy Perry, stepping out of her own hotel in Paris. Now, take a look of the side-by-side image at the very top. Nothing too crazy on Katy’s part, right? Ok, now check out the back view:
I just don’t know with these two anymore.
March 3, 2012 at 2:00 pm by Emily
“Single life is so overrated. It sucks. I have such incredible experiences in my life. You don’t want to live your life and then meet someone. You want to share your life with someone. That’s what I’m missing right now. … [I'd] love to date somebody cool, fun, funny.”
Rihanna, on sticking her pen into the … sticking her fingers in the … Rihanna wants Chris Brown back, OK, guys? She just wants him back. There’re no ifs, ands or buts, but (damn – no buts) she wants him back. The above photo? She posted on Twitter. And you wanna know what the caption read? It read this:
“Come here Rude bwoy…”
Now, if that isn’t evidence enough that this Karreuche Tran bitch is either blind and stupid – or paid really, really well for her silence as a diversion tactic – then I don’t think I know much about anything, honestly. The proof is in the pudding, my friends, and every indicator is on these two assholes’ Twitter accounts. ‘I love u’ or ‘I love u more’ and ’1 Luv 4-ever CB’ and ‘I WANT TO F-CK RIHANNNNNAAA’ – it’s all over the place and it’s all over their faces.
You know what? If this is where it’s headed, I wish it just would already. If these two are going to get back together – if they think that they’re both healthy enough or whatever – then they need to just go ahead and get it on over with. I’m sick to death of the speculation and I’m BORED.
March 2, 2012 at 11:30 am by Sarah
Thrift, thrift, film producers! The funeral baked meats did coldly furnish forth the ideas for your next bio-pic! (Or so the Daily Mail alleges.)
Whitney’s record label boss and close friend Clive Davis is at the helm of the project and he reportedly wants to get a script finalized as soon as possible so filming can begin.
Rihanna, 24, is in the running for the lead role as is Dreamgirls star Jennifer Hudson, 30.
Actress Vivica Fox, 47, and American Idol singer Jordin Sparks, 22, are also being considered for the movie and Will Smith’s 11-year-old daughter Willow is thought to be portraying the actress as a child.
Although movie executives are hoping Riri will sign up for the film, the “Talk That Talk” singer already turned down the chance to remake Houston’s The Bodyguard last year.
Ahem. Well, I can kind of see the resemblance: Rihanna, a talented pop star (with nothing like Houston’s range or acuity) can’t seem to tear herself away from somebody who is rapidly shaping up to be the next generation’s Bobby Brown. Who is basically another generation’s Ike Turner. Oh, my God, how many times do we need to make this movie? Ugh.
I ask again: Too soon? Or, alternatively, not soon enough? Because it was supposedly Houston’s own dream to see this movie made:
A source told People: “Whitney knew about the project and was excited to see where it would lead.
“It’s hoped the biopic will be as successful as Tina Turner movie What’s Love Got To Do With It, which landed two Oscar nominations for Angela Bassett and Laurence Fishburne who played Tina and Ike Turner.”
Uh, sure. All I’m saying is, this seems to me a pretty nasty business.
February 26, 2012 at 12:00 pm by Jenn
Well, this is cute. Earlier today, Rihanna released her remix of “Birthday Cake,” featuring the musical stylings of Chris Brown. Also today, Chris Brown released this song, a remix of a song called “Turn Up The Music,” featuring the musical stylings of Rihanna. That’s what we call a united front, I reckon.
At least in Chris Brown’s song, Rihanna doesn’t have lines like “I wanna f*ck you right now.” That’s something right? She does sing “I love you, baby” towards the end though, so … I don’t know. Here, read some of Chris Brown’s latest, enlightened tweets:
Possibilities are Endless! U make a difference!
The love you withhold is the pain you carry!!!!
Awareness of your consciousness is EVOLUTION!
HOW CAN 1 influence the planet TO HELP THEMSELVES?
I just hope my music inspires people to really come together. LOVE and POSITIVITY.
Peace and blessings
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROBYN!
CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE
You are not GODS to judge us. U have no say! Positivity & LOVE! My fans make a difference!
He’s a good person, ok? Can’t you see that? These remarks he made on Twitter are totally proof of that, and they totally negate every bad thing he’s done lately. Who are we to judge him when we’ve all made mistakes? It was three years ago! Rihanna is ok with it, so what’s the problem? He said he was sorry! He’s so talented! People just have a problem with him still because of his race! Nobody hates Charlie Sheen or Mel Gibson anymore, so why can’t they let the Chris Brown thing go? He’s paid his dues. TEAM BREEZY*.
Did you like the song?
*These are all things that actual people have actually said in real life. I don’t agree with any of them.