17Love It or Leave It: Hey, Rachel Zoe. Wow.

Who the hell let Rachel Zoe out of the house looking like Blind Bessie from the Senior Center did her makeup? I don’t know, but alas, this is what Rachel Zoe looked like on the red carpet at last night’s Golden Globe Awards. Can you even believe it?

Love it or leave it—Rachel Zoe’s luminous, luminous makeup:

January 14, 2013 at 11:30 am by Sarah

28Bones Are Still Hot in 2k10, I Guess

Obviously this isn’t breaking news, but Rachel Zoe is scaring the hell out of me. This chicken is 39 years old and has worse skin than my Nana did when she died at the age of 76. She also looks like she’s lost even more weight, which is a horrifying thought as she’s always been known for being painfully thin. I’m not sure it’s fair to demand an explanation as to why she’s so skinny, but the medium-sized amount of information I know about the human body tells me that no one is naturally that slim without there being some sort of medical condition involved (Does cocaine/amphetamine addiction count as a medical problem? I’m asking for a friend.)

January 13, 2010 at 2:47 pm by Molls

11Rachel Zoe Heave-Ho

Oh. My. God.  Guyyyyyyyzzzzz, like, Rachel Zoe literally fired her assistant Taylor last Friday.  Oh, I die!  Miserable Taylor “Everything in the World Hurts Including This Horrible Job, Kindness and Sun on my Skin” Jacobsen — we’ve seen plenty of her carping on The Rachel Zoe Project — sent an e-mail to her contacts that made it sound like she quit as opposed to being like, canned:  ”After four amazing years at Rachel Zoe Corporation, I’m saddened and exhilarated at the same time to announce my departure. After much thought and consideration, I have decided to take the challenging leap to go off and style on my own.”  Oh, what a disaster!

I’m so upset over this news.  No, I’m not kidding, guys.  Like, you don’t even know.  This is bananas!  My earlobes are pulsing and I like, blackout every time I blink and I’m so like … sick about this that I threw up the lima bean I ate for breakfast.  I’m pretty sure I’m going to die … lit. er. ally.

November 9, 2009 at 11:02 am by Wendie

40Ewwww!!!

Check out Rachel Zoe at a benefit in LA last night.

Ewwwwww!!!!

I really enjoy her show, and I think she’s so sweet and hilarious, but THIS is just DISGUSTING. You NEED to put on some weight, sweetheart. You look about 80 years old.

Her breasts look like they’ve given up on life.

December 8, 2008 at 12:58 pm by Evil Beet

22Rachel Zoe Was Born In 1971? Prove It.

Are these bangs going to be some new trend?  Because I hate them.  Like, I didn’t care when Jessica Alba got them because she’s mean and deserves ugly hair.  But Selena Gomez is just a cute and innocent kid despite that thing on her head.  Where were her parents when this haircut was happening?  Aren’t there laws to protect minors from this kind of thing? 

Speaking of devastating, I also came across some pictures of Rachel Zoe who was at the 2008 CNN Heroes with Selena event last night.  And I wikied her.  She’s 37 years old?  I will give a free Dr. Pepper to the first person who can prove that she is actually at least eight years older.  Because if I have to live with the fact that she’s only 11 months older than I am, I’m not sure I can go on.  For real.

Also there:  Lucy Liu looking pregnant, Cameron Diaz looking orange, and Ricki Lake looking like she could have made so much more effort.  Dude, you lost like, a hundred pounds.  Wear something flattering.

When I page through all the pictures that were taken at an event, there are lots of snapshots of each celebrity in different poses or scenarios.  Drinking wine, posing on the red carpet, accepting an award.  Meg Ryan’s face, in every single picture, was exactly the same.  No other facial nuance was recorded at any time.  

November 23, 2008 at 3:21 pm by Wendie

13Being Rachel Zoe

My trainer the other day was all like, “Hey, are you watching that new Rachel Zoe show? I LOVE her! She cracks me up,” and I was like, “Yes, she’s amusing, but also: everything she touches turns to starving.”

I have to admit, though, I kind of love Rachel as a stylist. You know how I’ve been raving about how freaking amazing Anne Hathaway’s looked on red carpets lately? You know who her new stylist is? Yeah, Rachel Zoe.

So I’ve kind of been obsessively following everything she’s worn to New York and Milan Fashion Weeks, and it just occurred to me that you guys might want to see it, too.

Here’s a bunch of photos of the various outfits Rachel’s sported this past month at fashion week events.

September 24, 2008 at 4:00 pm by Evil Beet