Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Prince William

OMG The Royal Wedding Kiss!

The kiss is just about at the minute mark, and the rest of the clip is basically just a bunch of royals on the balcony at Westminster Abbey waving and egging the crowd on while watching the Queen look like she wants to kick some little boy ass.

ALSO. Wouldn’t it be totally awesome if Prince Harry decided to go and hook up with Pippa Middleton? I mean, both of these siblings, Harry AND Pippa, look like total hell-raisers, and I think they’d nicely balance the somber and reserved Prince William and now-Princess Kate quite well, don’t you?

I’m pulling for it, you guys. Let’s make it happen.

And Here’s the Royal Wedding Vows If You Also Happened to Miss Those

I know, I know. I said I was going to just stop this madness, but I can’t help it. I mean, I said I wasn’t going to eat the rest of that chocolate bunny head last night, but what happened? TOTALLY FUCKING ATE IT.

That’s what this wedding is like. I promised myself I’d stay away from it, but here I am. Sneakily at it, fearing that someone’s going to catch me gorging myself on something that’s just soooo bad, but you just can’t tear yourself away from it.

I love how Kate had a REALLY HARD TIME keeping a stoic face, and you just KNOW she was thinking about how many McQueen fashions and Louboutins she was going to be able to buy in the coming months. No, I’m kidding. She was totally thinking about how crazy it was going to be to shag later tonight as an official Princess.

ALRIGHT, Here’s Some Royal Wedding Photos I Guess

photo of princess kate middleton and prince william pictures photos

I promised myself I wouldn’t cave and buy into the hype that surrounded the wedding, and I did SO WELL, you guys. I wasn’t one of those who got my ass up at three this morning, tiptoeing to the living room to watch two people that I could give a rat’s ass about tie the knot and stumble back to bed an hour later, still half-asleep, with visions of Hollywood-white teeth and polite waves in my head. I did, however, check out the photos when I first got up this morning, and I have to say: my God in heaven, Kate Middleton looked beautiful. Like, she’s a pretty girl as it is, but she looked BEAUTIFUL. She was the embodiment of what a princess should look like, and it totally appealed to the little six-year-old in me who’s still looking for a frog to kiss (totally found him – warts and all. I sleep next to him at night, you know).

Anyway, congratulations to the couple, for real – you guys looked amazing, and I’m so glad that your day has been great so far, but now … Can we get on with our lives, please?

Perfect Little Kate Middleton is All Ready For Her Dumb Wedding

Lookie what we have here! A whole set of photos of that skinny little future princess Kate Middleton arriving at the London hotel where she and her family will be staying tonight in anticipation for tomorrow’s Royal Wedding (and I capitalize those words because everyone else does, not because I think they’re worthy of capitalization.)

Sarah already said today that she and Sassy Gay Friend don’t care about Kate and William‘s big day, but I’m going to go ahead and tell you that I’m flat-out annoyed by it. Kate’s no Diana and there are bigger things going on in the world than the marriage of a future King and his girlfriend. Why is all of this attention being paid to a couple of rich monarchs?

Is Kate pretty? Of course! Do I think she probably would have beaten the shit out of me in high school (despite the stories out there that say she was bullied herself?) Oh, hell yes. This girl totally gives me shit talker/backhanded compliment giver vibe. I don’t trust her, I’m over the fact that I’m supposed to be excited or intrigued by this whole event. And Prince William? Woof. Remember when he used to be hot?

I’ll tell you who is excited about all of this hubbub. My favorite aunt, who’s “Royal Wedding Tea Tray” has been set up in her Massachusetts living room for the last week. I just sent a picture of it to Twitter, check it out. God bless her, huh?

Sassy Gay Friend Doesn’t Give a Crap About the Royal Wedding Either

I know I’m probably in the minority along with Sassy Gay Friend, here, but I’m gonna lay it out for you: I could give a crap less about what’s going down across the pond tomorrow. Really. I mean, it’s been fun talking about Kate Middleton and how patient she’s been and stuff over the past eight years while Prince William dealt with sexuality issues or whatever, but after tomorrow, the Prince and Kate are going to fall off into general obscurity, until the Prince starts sticking his royal wang into the hot, buttered biscuits of another … person.

Then we’ll pay attention again for a few minutes, but ’til then? I’m with SGF when I say ‘who the eff cares,’ how about you?

T-Mobile Does the Royal Wedding Entrance Video

If you haven’t already seen this, here it is. I watched it for the first time this morning (I’ll fully admit, sometimes I AM rather tardy to the party) and I totally thought it was, like, adorable as puppies. I’m usually not a big fan of these cheesy wedding entrance videos, spoofs or not, but this one was dead cool. Probably had a lot to do with the video being of a bunch of fancy British sophisticates shaking their thangs, and the spot-on antics of one way-hot Prince Harry.

Shockingly, Lifetime Has Made a Movie That I Don’t Want to See

I will watch just about anything that airs on Lifetime with the fervor and excitement of a 12-year old girl at a Justin Bieber concert… The Client List, The Craigslist Killer, and most recently, that Amanda Knox joint. But they’ve finally done it. They’ve finally made a movie that you probably couldn’t pay me to watch (although if you are interested in paying me to watch it, please feel free to send along an email to my personal adress.)

William & Kate is about (what else?) the love affair leading up to the royal wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton. I don’t know how many times I have to say this, but we’re no longer living in the 80s. Trying to make Americans get excited over a royal wedding seems pointless if we’re not focusing on the late Princess Diana. In fact, I feel like everyone trying to make the “fetch” that is this union happen are being kind of disrespectful of Diana’s memory.

Do William & Kate do it for you as a couple (and now, as a movie?) Will you tune in when the movie airs, or skip over it?