Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Prince William

Sassy Gay Friend Doesn’t Give a Crap About the Royal Wedding Either

I know I’m probably in the minority along with Sassy Gay Friend, here, but I’m gonna lay it out for you: I could give a crap less about what’s going down across the pond tomorrow. Really. I mean, it’s been fun talking about Kate Middleton and how patient she’s been and stuff over the past eight years while Prince William dealt with sexuality issues or whatever, but after tomorrow, the Prince and Kate are going to fall off into general obscurity, until the Prince starts sticking his royal wang into the hot, buttered biscuits of another … person.

Then we’ll pay attention again for a few minutes, but ’til then? I’m with SGF when I say ‘who the eff cares,’ how about you?

T-Mobile Does the Royal Wedding Entrance Video

If you haven’t already seen this, here it is. I watched it for the first time this morning (I’ll fully admit, sometimes I AM rather tardy to the party) and I totally thought it was, like, adorable as puppies. I’m usually not a big fan of these cheesy wedding entrance videos, spoofs or not, but this one was dead cool. Probably had a lot to do with the video being of a bunch of fancy British sophisticates shaking their thangs, and the spot-on antics of one way-hot Prince Harry.

Shockingly, Lifetime Has Made a Movie That I Don’t Want to See

I will watch just about anything that airs on Lifetime with the fervor and excitement of a 12-year old girl at a Justin Bieber concert… The Client List, The Craigslist Killer, and most recently, that Amanda Knox joint. But they’ve finally done it. They’ve finally made a movie that you probably couldn’t pay me to watch (although if you are interested in paying me to watch it, please feel free to send along an email to my personal adress.)

William & Kate is about (what else?) the love affair leading up to the royal wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton. I don’t know how many times I have to say this, but we’re no longer living in the 80s. Trying to make Americans get excited over a royal wedding seems pointless if we’re not focusing on the late Princess Diana. In fact, I feel like everyone trying to make the “fetch” that is this union happen are being kind of disrespectful of Diana’s memory.

Do William & Kate do it for you as a couple (and now, as a movie?) Will you tune in when the movie airs, or skip over it?

Start Checkin’ Your Mailbox For One of These Bad Boys

Prince William and Kate Middleton‘s wedding invitations (above) are in the mail, folks. That means that any day now, you could wake up to one of these in your mailbox. That is, if you’re one of the 1,800 charity leaders, prime minsters, school friends and other people who are Sarah Ferguson that was on the Prince’s invite list.

Here’s what I want to know: Who are they getting to DJ and will there be an open bar? I wouldn’t even consider attending a wedding on this scale unless I knew the answer to this question. And that said, what the hell do you get a prince and a princess for their wedding? I doubt they are registered at Crate & Barrel and my usual gift of a snowcone machine seems like it might be out of place  in a palace. Like, the probably have some Italian ice shaver living with them already and can get fresh snowcones whenever they want. That’s how royalty lives, right?

Would you attend the royal wedding if you were invited, and what would you bring the couple as a gift?

Prince William and Kate Middleton’s Engagement Photos Emerge

photo of kate middleton and prince william engagement pictures photographs

Know what I noticed?  People often become more attractive when they get engaged or married (at least at first with that whole marrying thing; things often go downhill shortly after that if you know what I mean), and that’s definitely the case here. Kate Middleton, who I forever thought was cute and pretty and perky-looking, always struck me as kind of ‘average’ in comparison to some of the women Prince William could probably get just because he’s a prince, is positively glowing with happiness and sophistication and womanliness. She, as far as I’m concerned, could give any one of the Victoria’s Secret models – AKA ‘The Most Beautiful Women in the World’ – a run for their money these days.
photo engagement prince william kate middleton pictures

Prince William? Still pretty much looks like a bird with a hair-lip. So yeah. I guess some things just don’t change with relationship status.  I know he’s the offspring of the lovely Princess Diana, but unfortunately, he just doesn’t look enough like her to be passable.  Regardless, they look happy together, so I’ll leave them alone.  For now.

Hello!? More Like Lie!

Well, Prince William is completely, totally not attractive anymore. I think we’ve all seen this coming for awhile. His thinning hair and crazier-by-the-day teeth have been creeping up for awhile, but now he’s gone and really done it. Homeboy’s dying his hair. And Hello! is “cheeky” enough to put that mess next to the headline “THE REAL WILLIAM”, because apparently we’re supposed to either be impressed or find this funny. I am neither, Hello! I am neither. There’s nothing cute about a semi-young man dying his hair a shade it has never been nor could it ever be and there is definitely nothing cute about it when the man is royalty. If those Windsors had any damn class they would have sent him away to a foreign country to get some really nice hair plugs.

OMG It’s Prince William’s Penis

No joke. Some assholes with long-range lenses managed to get snaps of Wills taking a piss at a polo match and have posted the photos online.

You can check them out here.

Is this just what Wills gets for peeing in public?

Or did the paparazzi cross a line this time?

And, most importantly, what do we think of his junk, ladies?