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Prince William

0The Real Royal Baby Could Be Here By Monday

kate middleton

It seems like Kate Middleton‘s been pregnant for about six years, but the time is finally nigh! Apparently the bookies have a bet on that Kate will give birth to Prince William‘s kid before Monday, and let’s hope they’re right because this shit needs to happen already.

From Digital Spy (via William Hill betting agency):

Those three days are the 10-1 favorites, while odds of 12-1 are being offered on the royal baby being born on Tuesday (July 9) or Wednesday (July 10).

Bookmakers have given 25-1 odds of the future monarch arriving in August.

Punters continue to place more money on Middleton giving birth to a girl (4-7) than a boy (5-4), with Alexandra (7-2), Charlotte (11-2) and Elizabeth (7-1) the three most popular girls’ names.

George (10-1) and James (12-1) are the favorite boys’ names.

Hmm, that’s all a bit boring, isn’t it? Charlotte is THE WORST name, so I’m not with that. Alexandra is okay, I suppose. Elizabeth is classic (obvs) but also a little old-fashioned… I dunno, I know they have to be posh so thankfully we won’t be getting a Madison or Aidan or whatever, but let’s spruce it up a bit, can we?

Apparently the press are already starting to assemble outside St. Mary’s Hospital in Paddington, where Kate’s going to give birth – happens to be the same place William himself was born. Bit early for all that – Kate’s not even there! I suppose they should head over to her parents’ Berkshires mansion soon, too, since she’s going to move there after having the kid? Also, there will have to be a Diana reference somewhere in the kid’s name (particularly if it’s a girl). I’d be surprised if there wasn’t.

July 5, 2013 at 7:30 am by Jennifer

2Royals Are Just Like Us: Kate Middleton Likes ‘Keeping Up With The Kardashians’

Today in “My, Aren’t We Relatable?” news, Kate Middleton apparently really likes Keeping Up with the Kardashians and started watching it after she heard that Kim Kardashian is fond of her. William apparently makes fun of her – nay, takes the piss out of her – for watching that trash, but she will not be deterred!

From The Daily Star:

A source close to the Princess told us: “Ever since Kim started mentioning Kate a lot in public, the Princess has started watching Keeping Up With The Kardashians religiously.

“She thinks the family are hilarious. People forget that Kate is just a normal girl, who married into royalty, and enjoys the same trashy TV shows most people do.”

But she hasn’t managed to get Prince William, 30, into the Krazy antics of the famous telly family.

We’re told: “Will doesn’t watch the show with her, and makes fun of her for liking it so much. It doesn’t bother Kate, though. She finds it relaxing, and is flattered Kim keeps speaking so highly of her.”

Do I think this is true? Not a chance. Shit, I’m not even royalty and I don’t have time in my day to watch the Kardashians (though I have, in past, kept those E! marathons on, not gonna lie). For some reason, I just can’t see Kate – who I was shocked to find out is my age when I first saw her – plopping down on the couch with a sleeve of Oreos and a bottle of Stella cidre (well, especially not when pregnant) to watch a bunch of airheads bop around Los Angeles and speak in screechy voices. Sorry, I’m calling bullshit on this one.

April 12, 2013 at 11:30 am by Jennifer

2Is Kate Middleton Having a Daughter?

kate middleton pics

If you want to put the Queen back in hospital, tell her you’re having a girl rather than a son who can carry on the royal lineage. We don’t know that that’s the case, of course, but Kate Middleton may or may not have inadvertently hinted that this baby of hers is of the lady variety.

From The Telegraph:

It was the merest slip of the tongue, but the Duchess of Cambridge may just have given away the sex of her baby as she chatted to a member of the public on a visit to Grimsby on Tuesday.

After being given a teddy bear as a gift, the Duchess said: “Thank you, I’ll take that for my d …” She stopped herself before going any further, but when a well-wisher asked if she was in the process of saying “daughter” she replied: “We’re not telling.”

The Duchess, who is due to give birth in July, also claimed not to know the sex of her baby, who will one day be monarch, but her comment will be seized upon by royal watchers the world over who are eager for any clues about whether she is expecting a boy or a girl. Precedent dictates that the sex of royal babies is never announced in advance.

The Duchess also said her baby had been kicking “very much” and joked to a fan that she might have to wait a long time before she is queen.

Hmm. Maybe it was a legit tongue-tied moment or perhaps she really is having a girl. So long as it looks better than this CGI rendering, I think we’re in business. This baby needs to get born already. If it’s a girl, how much do we want to wager on Diana being the middle name?

March 6, 2013 at 6:30 am by Jennifer

6God Help Kate Middleton and Prince William If Their Baby Looks Like This

A South African geneticist has nothing better to do with his time, apparently, because he’s managed to put together a composite of what Kate Middleton and Prince William‘s baby might look like throughout its life. Suretha Erasmus from Johannesburg composed photos that account for variations of skin and hair colours but did not take into account the fact that this looks like shit.

[Image removed upon request]

The f-ck is this? Did they just cut out the shapes of William and Kate’s photos and put some Glamour Shot wigs on top of the young adult photos? ‘Cos that’s sure what it looks like. If this is the kind of equipment geneticists are working with, I fear for the field. We can grow new body parts from stem cells, but we can’t get a computer program that makes composites that don’t look like someone’s Livejournal fan art.

February 28, 2013 at 9:30 am by Jennifer

13Kate Middleton Bikini Photos Going To Press: So What?

Prince William and Kate – I’m sorry, Catherine - Middleton decided to take a break from the shit weather the UK’s been getting this winter (and, okay, always) and have a little holiday in Mustique, the private $50,000 per night island in the Caribbean. Of course, where the stars go, the cameras will follow and as the future of the monarchy, eyes were heavily on the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge as they always are – even more so now that there’s a royal baby on the way.

The Italian magazine Chi came under intense scrutiny this week after publishing photos of the pair strolling the beach, Kate in a bikini, offering the first glimpse of the royal baby bump. The UK went absolutely buck wild, lashing out at the publication for violating the royal family’s privacy and calling for an immediate ban of the photos. Blah blah blah.

As you may or may not remember, this is not the first time private pictures have been published in the press. Still, this situation pretty much has about 0% in common with that incident, given that the previous photos were taken by photographers hiding in bushes, peeking into a private villa of a topless Kate Middleton. Chi’s pictures were taken on the beach where Kate and William mingled with other beach-goers in public view and probably would have known there might be cameras – professional or iPhone – on the loose.

Here’s the thing, though: who really cares? I’m pretty much full-blown English at this point, having lived in the UK quite a bit and planning to move here for good, and while I love the royal family and support the monarchy in its limited capacity, I just don’t get it. The UK is so hypersensitive about these photos that when ITV’s This Morning accidentally displayed the Chi cover unblurred yesterday, they issued a network-wide “unreserved” apology for their disrespectful error. Like, what? I don’t see you apologising to Lady GaGa for showing pictures of her falling off her God-awful hoof shoes or Lindsay Lohan falling out of yet another club with a nose full of coke.

I get that the nature of their role as public figures is more dignified and upstanding than most typical celebrities, and I also fully appreciate the invasiveness of the paparazzi and the inappropriateness of private snooping on stars for the sake of that one photo to make them big money. It’s a serious problem, and no one is arguing that. But seeing Kate Middleton in a bikini is not going to make the UK economy collapse or the anarchists to come to power. In fact, the bigger fuss is made about it, the more they’ll circulate and the bigger an issue it’ll become.

February 14, 2013 at 10:30 am by Jennifer

1What the Royal Couple Would Look Like This Christmas if They Sold Out

photo of royal couple christmas pictures
Photographer Alison Jackson is back at it with the spoof photos of the Royal Couple, and this time she envisions what Christmas would be like in Prince William and Duchess Kate‘s household.

Naturally, the photos are a farce, and while the lookalikes are rather good, there’s still something missing. Like, oh, I don’t know, realism. Do you really think that Kate would be serving f-cking potatoes while Prince William kicks back at the dinner table? No, for two reasons: the Duchess doesn’t seem to roll like that (meaning any man of hers will serve himself or get f-cked), and also, they probably have someone to feed them. Last, poor Kate probably can’t keep anything as heavy and starchy as potatoes down these days, but hey. Who am I to rip the photos? They’re fun and they’re frivolous and if there’s anything we need more these days than fun and frivolity, I can’t imagine what it could be.

Love them and these pictures. Too fun.

December 18, 2012 at 11:30 am by Sarah
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